My boyfriend and I have engaged in some manual sex and now he feels like we should go to the next step. We tried yesterday, and I don't know what happened but when we were getting down to it, I panick and I sit up and stop him. I don't know why I reacted like that. Any ideas ?
2006-11-16 12:51:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
well I'm a virgin and I'm scared it will hurt
2006-11-16 12:59:59 · update #1
And he's more experience than me so I'm scared I won't be at his level
2006-11-16 13:01:22 · update #2
is it still normal although I'm a little over 16 ?
2006-11-16 13:05:13 · update #3
I'm 19 to be exact. well that's not just a little over 16. So I'm old enough. I was just afraid to say it since I,m old to be a virgin
2006-11-16 13:21:05 · update #4
Hun, it just means you're not ready. Maybe this isn't the guy for you... It'll be alright. Just wait.
2006-11-16 13:00:32 · answer #1 · answered by jackie_jackie_bo_backie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Jessica, It doesn't matter what step your B.F. wants to take. It's how you feel about the whole thing that counts. Don't be pushed into something your not ready for. One thing you are afraid that it's going to hurt. It does hurt and you will have to have sex probably 5-6 times before you loose up. Sweety every woman go's threw this, don't be rush into having intercourse. This is a big thing for any virgin. When you are ready,you will know. A Friend.
Clowmy
2006-11-16 13:14:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be that deep down, you're not ready to take this step. You may also be afraid of pain the first time, your risk of pregnancy and/or STDs or not being a good enough lover or being compared to previous girlfriends he might have had.
If you were taught that sex was a bad or dirty thing, you may be resisting 'soiling' yourself, or if you were taught that sex was only for marriage, even though you may not fully follow that belief system, it may be playing in your head again, making you feel uncertain.
You also say he feels you should go to the next step, but didn't say whether you felt it was time to go to the next step. Is your boyfriend kind and gentle to you, or is he more controlling-and this is your body's way of telling you that you need to take control of yourself back?
Intercourse isn't just about inserting a penis into a vagina; it involves your emotions very deeply, even if you aren't aware of it. It's not something to be done lightly; it should be with someone you truly love and want to trust with that part of you-both the physical and the emotional.
This is especially true for women; men are more likely (not always, but often) to see intercourse as a physical act, whereas women are more likely to see intercourse as an emotional bonding coupled with the physical act.
If you do decide to move on to intercourse, you should also be fully prepared for the risk of pregnancy and its consequences, even if you're using protection. You can get pregnant even if on the Pill, using an IUD or condoms, even if you're using them perfectly-there is a failure rate for every single method. Are you ready to carry a pregnancy to term and either raise the child or give it up for adoption, or are you certain you could handle having an abortion-financially and emotionally?
If your BF has been sexually active with other women or men in the past (and if you have been sexually active with others in the past), you should both be tested for STDs so that if either of you is infected, you can be treated or be counselled on how to reduce the risk of transmission from one to the other. Since some STDs can lead to cancer in women, this is very important.
Take some time on your own and think about all factors-physical, emotional, etc, and decide whether you really are ready to move on to intercourse. If you're not ready, it's okay to tell your boyfriend that you need more time before taking the next step. If he truly loves you and cares about how you feel, he will respect that, even if it is difficult for him.
If you decide you do want to engage in intercourse, suggest taking things slow, have lots of foreplay (kissing, touching, examining and having fun with each other's bodies) and then slowly move on to the actual act of intercourse. Have lubrication ready to make things more comfortable for you and have a word you can use if you're feeling discomfort so you boyfriend will slow down and be more gentle.
2006-11-16 13:08:30 · answer #3 · answered by VeryQuietGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that he feels that you should go onto the next step, but how do you feel? Are you sure that you are comfortable enough to go onto "proper" sex?
If he loves you then he will wait. If you are tense when you try it will be more painful too because of the "opening" being tight, which means it will be harder for him to enter.
Wait until you are certain in your heart that you are ready and then it will just happen naturally.
2006-11-16 12:57:05 · answer #4 · answered by Tigger girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you just aren't ready to take that level with him. Sex is a big deal, even though society makes it out to be something trivial. Make sure that you are ready before you do it, don't be pressured. If you are mature enough to have sex, then you better be mature enough to handle whatever circumstances come your way because of it, eg. pregnancy, STD's... Just give yourself some time, and when you're ready, you'll know. Good luck.
2006-11-16 12:54:58 · answer #5 · answered by black_beauty18 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is the first time you're having sex, I'd say you were nervous. Did you really want to? Do you have reservations? Are you afraid of getting pregnant? If you have any misgivings, I'd say wait until you're really sure. Sex should be special and feel right for both people. Good luck.
2006-11-16 12:53:39 · answer #6 · answered by shannonscorpio 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hahahahahahahaha NO such thing as to old to be a virgin. do it but only if you really want to , and if you do: use a lot of lubricant (saliva works good too) relax ,have a few beers if possible but ,don't do it for him, don't do it for your age ,do it only if your horny,but do NOT forget the condoms.PS dont assume the guy is a love god , cuz most of us are idiots when having sex, even if he has experience ,that doesnt mean he's better than you , we work different with different women.
2006-11-18 11:41:41 · answer #7 · answered by mr_mariote76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be that your just not ready yet. I had the same problem with my first boyfriend. We just kept playing around until I was ready and I just knew when I was ready (it took me 3 months). I was starting to think something was wrong with me but I asked a friend and she was the same. Dont rush into it coz the pressure just makes it worse. Hopefully this helps.
2006-11-16 13:02:45 · answer #8 · answered by Jessie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all don't let anyone rush you if your not ready if he loves you he will wait but if you are ready set the mood don't just try and do it the first time without a little romance but again take it slow and just so you know sex is great once you get use to it
2006-11-16 12:59:40 · answer #9 · answered by baby girl 26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
16 is awful young to be having sex. Are you sure you want to do this? I really suggest you wait until you are older.
My guess about why you reacted the way you did is because you are not ready to have sex.
2006-11-16 13:07:45 · answer #10 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For first timer it may be like that. What are you worried/scared about. Getting pregnant, parents know about it or any other reasons. I suggest wait till your marriage and you will be legally free to do what you want
2006-11-17 14:36:54 · answer #11 · answered by Gopal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋