need advice from young mothers....20 yrs old and pregnant?

Question

Im 20 years old and just found out i'm pregnant. I live at home with my parents who are very consevative and strict. They do not accept these kinds of things. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. We have discussed what we would do if this ever happened so we do have a plan. He's starting a pipfitting job in january and will be making $33,000 and will be making $50,000 in a matter of 5 years (after he finishes his apprenticeship). I have 5 semesters left of college.
I just need advice/opinions on everything....school, finances, and how to break the news to my family. I'm really close with my grandparents too and I know they are gonna hate me for this.
Should my bf and I get our own place or should I stay with my parents?
What was your experience?

Answer 1

You may think that your parents and grandparents are going to be mad at you, but the truth is no matter how much you mess up your family will always love you....or at least mine did. I am 23 and my husband is 39 and my family still loves me even though I married someone 16 years older than I am. About the baby...If I were you I would not try to make any life changing decisions now (like moving out of your parents house). You want to have as much stability in your life as possible when you have the baby. I had a baby 19 days ago and I wish so much that my family was closer so I could have more help taking care of her.

About finances...my husband and I waited a year to have our baby because we kept saying "we don't have enough money", or "I'd like to have a better job first", but the truth is you'll never be READY for a baby and all you can do is the best you can when the time comes. Somehow things always work themselves out. I've seen plenty of families of 4 kids and mom doesn't work and dad has a pud job and somehow they make it... you will too!

As far as school goes, only you can determine how much drive you have to finish school. If you have lots of support and help from your family and your bf's family then you will be able to finish school, but I'm telling you from experience, you should take off the semester that the baby will be born in. no matter how strong willed you are, getting ANYTHING done for the first month is so hard, especially if you're breastfeeding. You will be very tired and the baby will consume 80% of you time!

Answer 2

I just had a baby 3 and a half months ago and may I first say congrats to you! Its great that you have a plan, that shows a lot of stability and responsibility on your part. Make sure to work that into the conversation when you tell your family. I know how conservative families are as I am a part of one. I was 23 and married when I had my son so there was not a lot my family could do or so but my mom had me when she was only 18 and 23 years ago that was frowned upon a lot more than it is now. She was afraid to tell her family and thought they may react poorly but the truth is they were concerned of course but once I arrived they were filled with joy. They were grandparents which made them feel great and they loved me as I was a cute little baby. Your family may be upset but you have some things on your side and use those things to your advantage when you talk with them. First of all you have a plan, secondly you are an adult now, and third you have been with the same guy for 5 years. Those things will help a lot, its not like your some 15 year old girl who has been dating a this guy for a month and bam your pregnant.
As far as school goes stick with it, you will be glad you did as you will have the potential to make a lot more money and create a better life for you and your family. You will probably regret it if you do not finish school, it may be hard but you sound very smart and I know you can do it.
Finances can be tough with a new baby but there are ways of getting help. Apply for Medicaid, this will help to cover the prenantal care and birth, it will also help after your child was born as they usually keep your new baby on the program until he or she is a year old then you have to reapply. Medicaid is wonderful even after the pregnancy as you will be making lots of trips to the doctor for various shots and check ups. Another way of getting a little help is to apply for WIC they will help out with things like milk cereal cheese and eggs both while you are pregnant and after your baby is born. They also provide formula is you choose to feed your child that way. Where I live you get approved for WIC automatically if you have Medicaid and they give you 9 cans of Enfamil formula every month for the first year of your childs life, they also help with infant cereal when your baby turns 4 months old and can start solid foods.
As far as getting your own place that is a judgement call, it depends on what the two of you are most comfortable with, it would be nice to have your parents around to help out with the baby but you may feel that it is time to move away from your family and start your own as well. Either choice can be a good one.
Lastly I want to tell you no matter how strict your family is your grandparents could never hate you they are your grandparents they love you unconditionally. While they may be upset at first they will always love you.
Things will work out you'll see.
One more thing God bless you for keeping your baby and not having an aboriton, you are doing the right thing and you are about to experience something so amazing. Its like nothing you have ever felt before.
Good luck to you! =)

Answer 3

I was almost were you are. I was 20 one class short of my Associates and had only known my boyfriend now husband for 4 months. My parents were mad at first but by the time the baby came they were excited about being grandparents. Having a baby is expensive you need to look at your boyfriends insurance and think about getting married because I am pretty sure your parents insurance will not cover your pregnancy but if you marry your boyfriend his will. You might also want to look into what your state has for insurance that you may qualify for. Then start stocking up on the things you will need and looking for a sitter if your parents will not be able to watch the baby for you while you go to school. The most important thing is yours and the babys health so go see a doctor asap. I would also suggest finding your own place if you and your boyfriend can afford to because it might be easier for your parents to cool down and forgive you if you are not living with them.I wish you luck in your future.

Answer 4

I was 19 when I had my son. I'm 20 now. I always lived with my mom and still am. I never told her I was pregnant, I had someone else tell her. She was more upset about that than anything. She got over it really quick that I was pregnant and got very excited about being a grandma. I always thought my family would hate me but they didn't. They all turned out to be supportive. Stay with your parents for a while, till everything gets settled.Then when you're stable money wise then make a plan to move in together if thats what you both want. Hope this helps and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my son, and 19 when I had him. I was living with my bf, but we broke up for a short time during my pregnancy and I had to move back in with my mom. It was hard because my family is very religious, and this was NOT what they wanted for me. I ended up getting married due to their pressure. After my belly started to grow, everyone got used to the fact that I was having a baby, and they became excited. I got divorced when my son was 9 months, so I've had to raise my son myself, but my mom and sisters are very supportive and help out with my son all the time. They would never view him as a mistake, or treat him indifferently just because I had him so young. I have no regrets, and my son is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm now 25, and everything is water under the bridge. We are happy. You will be too. Save as much money as you can so you aren't too stressed about everything. You and your bf are adults now and expecting a baby, so you should probably get your own place if you can afford it. Tell your parents as soon as possible, and tell them how excited you are. Eventually, they will share in your excitement. Good luck to you, and congrats! Being a young mom (not too young) is great, and I wouldn't have had it any other way!

Answer 6

My parents were against my baby being born out of wed lock and I hid my pregnancy until I was 7 months but the reaction i got was not as bad as I imagined and they wont hate you they will be too excited about the baby to be upset for long any normal person whos had a baby loves the thought of having someone elses at their convience (basic grandparent stuff)you soundlike you and your bf are already on the road to getting stable but if its cool with your parents for a while stay home it will save you the stress of a new born with their extra help do what is less stressful for you a happy mom is a happy baby

Answer 7

Im now 20 years old and 26weeks pregnant. I fell pregnant at 19. I don't think its to young. I always planned to have my kids quite young. But everyones situation is different. I was only in my relationship a short time before we fell pregnant but now we're doing great and cant wait for the arrival of our little girl. Age has nothing to do with it. It depends if you feel ready to be a mum and your situation, which you weren't very clear about. So it's hard to say. I was terrified to tell my family. They were upset/worried at 1st but they came around and are now being very supportive. Now that they're use to the idea they're getting really excited. The only one of my family members i actually told was my mum because i knew she would be the most understanding. She then called me brothers and told them and they called my dad because i was to afraid to. It might sound like a cowards way out but i thought it was good for them to be able to have a day or 2 to settle down and get they're head around the idea before i spoke to them.

Answer 8

I too lived at home when I gave birth to my oldest. It really doesn't matter how old you are--parents take pregnancy hard. They are probably going to be shocked and a little mad a first but it will be okay. My dad told me that he would never except my daughter and let me tell you she is 5 and the apple of his eye. I had my bf at the time tell my dad and I told my mom. We did it at the same time. However I took my mom and told her while we went on a walk. Your parents will still love you. As a parent trust me when I tell you their is nothing that a child can do that is so bad that a parent would lose love for them. Be patient--they will come around.

Answer 9

I have a friend going through the same. The first step is to tell your parents. They will probably FREAK OUT but you have to remember that they love you. Talk to them. My friend is going to college and her parents are taking care of the kid, she still lives at home and raises her child. Every now and then I'll stop buy and help out and all of her friends going to instate college are doing the same. Her parents have calmed down and see themselves as very young grandparents. If your parents really are conservative then they are against abortion and their family values mean that you are a family no matter what happens. That means that in cases like this, they will be at your side and help you.

Answer 10

i was lucky i have a very supportive family who were over joyed when i fell pregnant even though it was to a complete drop kick that i am no longer with i am 23 and now me and my 15 month old daughter live with my parents again. its a good help having them around but its ur decisision whether u think ur parents could be a help or a hinderence. talk it through with ur partner, u and ur baby are who really matters now. i wish u all the luck in the world and i hope it works out for u and u have a beautiful perfect healthy baby