My son's behavior is out of control, what should i do?

Question

My son is seven years old and very disrespectful to me and other adults. He is very bright and gets good grades but his behavior is that of a loser. He talks back and refuses to do what he id told. Do I spank him? yes I do,probably not as often as i should but, it doesn't work for long periods of time. I punish him by making hom stay inside and no video games or company. Nothing works.

Lil history daddy promisestocomeandseehim anddoesn't show up. We split up when he was 4, he'll be 8 in December. Daddy live about 300 miles away and has no car - no excuse, his dad is a broke loser, I on the otherhand am able to provide him with a descent life - but the kid is unruly what should i do?

Answer 1

sounds like hes smarter than you and you don't like it much. you still need to let him know you are boss though. forget the dad thing and all your other excuses for his behavior -- there is no excuse for anti-social behavior. if he acts up it is time out. pitching your own tantrum of punishing him and taking his things away just promotes tantrum behvior in him.

he is smart enough to sit him down and talk to him like a person. when he is in the house he behaves in these ways -- acts respectfully, plays music and tv quietly (you need to do as well and set an example), does fixed chores on a regular basis -- don't do random assignments. if he knows he has to take out the garbage every wednesday he has no excuse when its not done. let him know that you think its his 1/2 of the bargain -- you do x amount and are balancing your work with his work. its a work partnership thing -- treat him like you would a co-worker when you divide a project.

he needs stability and a set schedule. if you can't come up with the stability and schedule for him thats not his fault. dad is being used as an excuse by you and he has picked that up -- kids are smart and he learns from your behavior whether you realize that or not. you can follow dad lessons with "gee -- dad didn't come through again" and drop it but getting bent out of shape gives the kid plenty of room to get bent out of shape too. when you learn to control your emotions the kid will start doing the same. how bout keeping the set schedule and having a normal night already planned with the kid so when dad doesn't come through you can prove you are there for him? i can't stress the stability issue in any and all things enough.

Answer 2

Sit the boy down and ask him, why is it necessary for him to be so rude? Talk to him and explain to him that his behaviour is inappropriate and can lead to consequences.

If that doesn't work, then create a system that encourages him that he has to be good or certain things won't happen such as getting a new toy for that week he behaved well without talking back and the like. Create some kind of reward system that would let him realize that you and others like it a lot better when he behaves in a positive manner.

And it would probably help if the boy saw his father; he is more than likely lashing out because he has not seen his father....you shouldn't bad mouth the boys father either, especially around the child....let him see his dad. Thats what he needs more than anything.
I understand what you are going through, I have 3 kids and have a middle child that acts just as unruly and I found that a reward system works well in your favor when done correctly.

Answer 3

My Hubby has a 7 year old brother that does the same thing. He is really good in school, but gets into trouble. Part of it's an age thing. They get unruly during these years. There is a lot of growth happening. Also he loves negative attention, we have to ignore him if we want him to stop. It's the only thing that works for him. Or a brotherly dish of the same medicine.

Show him you respect him and his opinions by having a talk with him. Try to stay calm with him and discuss some rules and why they need to be in place.Things like, we pick up because we don't want to attract bugs or other unwanted guests. Don't nit pick, just worry about what is most important.

If you assign him to clean his room and he refuses, put him in his room until it is clean. One thing I have noticed with kids is that if you tell them your going to punish them, you have to follow through. Try to make the punishment fit the crime. If he makes a mess, he cleans it. If he lies, let him know you can't trust him when it comes time for something fun.

Try also to talk to him often. Divorce is hard on kids, especially if their parents are bitter in front of them. It really bothers me when my mom tells me what she thinks about my dad. I think it is important that you explain to him that the divorce is not because of him, and you both love him very much. He might be expressing anger against you for not making it workout or something. If you can keep communication open it will help in the teenage years. I hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 4

I really dont know when my people started going soft like "other folk". Boys that get good discipline stay out of jail. He's 8 and running your show already. What happens when he turns 15. He'll be your Pa.
Turn that boy upside down and put it on like the old days. And stick to it. A punishment means nothing if you dont stick to it. Thrashing his behind doesn't mean you dont love him. It means you love him and you are are going to see to it that he is raised right.
Use the three time rule. Warn twice. Third offence, no comments.
He'll be a better man for it. No matter how good his grades, manners are still very important. And you cant help the fact that his dad is who he is. He should be made to respect you all the more for it.

Answer 5

just a thought.
do u have an older brother or some1 u trust 2 b a male-role model?
it sounds like he needs a father-figure.
an older male relative, that can explain and guide ur son, i think mayb the answer. if he developes a male/male relationship, he may realise that mum might b a push-over, but man isn't just going 2 stand by and watch him misbehave.
smacking may help now but if he's like this in a few years time i can't imagine u spanking him or him letting u.
ask about mentoring if ur stuck 4 a male-role model.
the best punishment i found 2 work at that age was chores.
they soon find they're sorry 4 giving u a hard time.
good luck, ur doing ur best and don't feel responsible 4 his dead-beat dad.

Answer 6

That is a problem when dad leaves...there is no male influence in his life. Try making him the little man of the house by asking his opinions and suggestions instead of always issuing orders and what not. Treat him like a little man, not a child. See how that works for you. Counseling will help if you can afford it. Talk to a school counselor or teacher for their input if necessary. Keep trying...because when he gets to be 12 or 13 it gets worse so you must head off future trouble. Exercise patience, great manners, respect for his feelings, etc. Best of Luck...you have a hard job.

Answer 7

TALK to him its him if its about his dad and it doesnt really srry matter what you think he needs to see his dad even though he's a poor guy.Boys are more close to there dad and he probably goes to school and sees people have dads and he doesnt he needs to see the way his dad is so take him to him and introduce and yes that is a big possiblity thats why he disrepsepcts you becuase he only has a mom and needs a dad or another guardian to support him no need to spank him he has feelings and even if it doesnt look like it he needs a dad or at least see him 3 times a month

Answer 8

Different things work with different children. Try not to bash dad in front of him; I used to and learned that by dishonoring him, I dishonored my kids. Time out will work for must kids (7 years; 5-7minutes). Spanking doesn't seem to work for your child. It's possible that he learns one gets their way with violence. He's very bright and has a very strong will. Stick to your guns with consistency and ignore his attempts to sabotage your efforts. No yelling, no anger, no hitting. Use a routine and stick to it. It is so difficult these days of working and raising children on our own. He may have learned to get your attention in a negative way.It works. Now it is time to not reward bad behaviour by letting him press your buttons.Negative attention is still attention. Have a reward system for good behaviour. Don't use food if at all possible for this. Make a plan on paper. Take one bad behaviour at a time. He will be happy to please you once this gets rolling. Raise the standard and most children will reach it. Try books written by the Nanny 911 series. This will help you with great guidelines. Remember, medication isn't the answer for every kid. Up to 90% of kids diagnosed with ADD or ADHD are misdiagnosed. Cut way back on his sugar consumption.Good luck and know both of you can coexist in harmony. Get the tools you need. Let's get the wonderful boy in him to shine. You are in my thoughts.

Answer 9

He needs a male influence in his life. Grand Dad or Uncle ore Big Brother, something. I've said this time and time again. the kids need a family, not a broken home. He has no idea how a boy or a man is suppose to act. Get him some positive male influence in his life, not another loser.

Answer 10

Try www.thetotaltranformation.com Good luck.
Also, forget about T.V. and video games. Kids with a lot of energy tend to get mean when restless. Sign him up for soccer, or something where a lot of running is involved. He will learn some discipline as well.
He will need some therapy sooner or later, but sooner is way better.