How do you deal with a "problem" mother in law who tries to turn your stepkids against you?

Question

It bothers me and the kids but she won't stop. The youngest one is starting to be affected by this. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

That's a tough one, not an easy answer. You need to sit down and talk to your husband. Explain to him what's been going on. Try to remain "calm" and not "accusing" when you talk to him. That way, he won't get "defensive" about his mother.

His children's welfare (as well as your marriage) should be his first priority. Give him some "examples" of what she's doing so he can see how her interference is affecting the children.

Since she's "his" mother, he should be the one to handle this problem. It's not up to you to have to deal with his mother.

I wish you good luck with it.

Answer 2

You and your spouse need to lay down the ground rules. Tell the mom- in- law here is the way it is & make her deal with it. If she can not then I would cut your ties with her for a while. I know its not easy. I have been there, done that with my own children & my x mom in law. It is very frustrating. I have found that its a control problem. People like that who are actually hurting the kids in this type of situation are control freaks. This is their only way of control, is to cut up the other parent. Stand your ground & don't let her get away with it anymore. The kids are the ones who are being hurt & confused. Its not fair to them.

Answer 3

My mother-in-law was doing this until we came up with a plan: The minute she disses one of us, we say, "Well, got to go. See you later!" She's a smart woman. She figured it out. Now she slips occasionally, but she tries to do right. Don't get mad. Just take action.

Answer 4

If you know this for a fact then confront her about it. Tell her it's unfair for her to be using the children as pawns for adult issues. Try and abstain from running her down in front of the children. The kids will build their own opinions about her when they get older and will see her for who she really is.

Answer 5

yeah i would say don't let her see them. the same thing happened with my parents cuz my sister has my stepdad's last name and the rest of us have our father's last name. well my grandmother decided that my sister was better than the rest of us because she had her last name and started treating us completely differently. like she gets a million presents for christms and we got nothing (mind you, i was like 10 and i am the oldest) and we would get in trouble while she could do nothing wrong, stuff like that. it went on for years. and my parents didn't really notice until one day i guess they went over to talk to them and we didn't see them for nine months. because my mother decided that my grandmother couldn't see any of us if she couldn't treat us equally. and then after that, it got better.

Answer 6

i have been through this years ago ...but with grandparents turning the step-childern against me. and it was hard to get through. we ended up going to court over it and fighting her on supervised visitation. don't think that will work in your case , just letting you know i have been through it and feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with this. good luck hun

Answer 7

if she comes over an starts in ask her to leave an tell her not to comeback till she can control herself just make sure that both parents are in agreement or it wont work

Answer 8

you can't do much about her so work with the kids. Talk to them about it, help them to see what she is doing and explain to them why she feels the need to do this.

Answer 9

Kick her out from home. You also can talk to your husband/wife and let him/her know about this and that he/she should do something about this or you go

Answer 10

Thats easy just let her know if she does it again she won't see them again period!