Why won't he marry me?

Question

We have been 2gether for 12 years, i have propose(2 years ago) and he said n, i n he loves me with all his heart but i just feel so hurt that he doesnt want to commit, we have live together for 10 years. How can i make him see that im not happy living just b/f and g/f. His parents split up after marriage and i think this is a big factor to his problem to commit.

N hes not cheating on me, he knows better and i have told him to leave if he is not happy and he is still hear, we also have a really good relationship

Thank you charles

yes we have one child.

Answer 1

Probably what you said, he's afraid of that paper. If it is good now, he thinks, why mess it up with a piece of paper that isn't worth a magistrate's ink?
It is not easy, but I can not come up with a good solution.

Answer 2

Apparently he realizes that you aren't serious enough about marriage to leave him if he doesn't marry you. Most relationships come to a point when the two people have to decide whether to keep going together or split up. Sounds like you aren't at the point that you're willing to drop him if he won't marry you. Maybe you'll never come to that point.

So, you can keep pleading with him to marry you, you can stay with him and accept that he's unlikely to want to get married any time soon or you can leave him and free yourself to pursue a relationship that will lead to marriage.

If you're convinced that he's not cheating on you and the two of you have agreed that you'll only see each other, then he has made a commitment to you. It's just not one recognized by the state or any major religion (unless you live in a common law state, in which case you're already married). Ultimately, you'll have to decide if a commitment between the two of you is enough.

Answer 3

If you look around his world, you'll probably find that most of his family members, if not all of them have gone through a divorce. He doesn't want that for you.

Why do you need a piece of paper to prove your man loves you? Why is getting married so important to you?

If you just want a party for all your friends and family to come and see how much you love each other (and get to wear a pretty dress) then throw one, but don't spoil it by having to sign a marriage contract at the end of it.

He has been with you for 12 years. That's as committed as it gets. You are one of the lucky few who's child's father still wants to be with her. It's not the commitment he's afraid of, it's the stigma of marriage. Let him be.

Answer 4

I think he's like me - I don't want to marry my bf because I've seen too many people split up once married -despite living together for years. It makes no difference at all. In fact marriage is just an excuse for everyone to have a big party. If his parents split up then it can have a big effect on you - disproportionate, yes, but it shouldn;t be underestimated. Just enjoy your lives as you are. I'd rather be happy than get married for the sake of it.

Answer 5

Maybe he's still troubled by the parents divorce and is scared of ruining what you've got. Or it could just be that having lived with you for 10 years he's in his comfort zone right now and is being lazy. Don't know what to advise you on, never having been in that situation, but if marriage is this important to you (and let's face it, you wouldn't have proposed if it wasn't), you need to have a proper talk. I think if this is so important for your happiness he should at least be willing to discuss the issue with you. Do you have children?

Answer 6

If you have put up with the situation for 12 years, why change something now? The relationship goals and committment phobias should be addressed fairly early in a relationship. I'm sure, in his own mind, he's committed to you; why he doesn't want to get the marriage certificate to back it up - is anybody's guess. One thing for sure, you cannot *make* him marry you, and harping on him about it will cause problems in your relationship. If you find it unthinkable to continue this partnership without being legally married - consider leaving, and looking for a person with similar relationship goals. Otherwise, it would be best to drop the subject.

Answer 7

You need to read the book "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. If you have been with someone for 12 years and they don't want what you want, it is time for you to hit the road before you waste 12 more years.

Also, read "The Rules." Most men will not marry a woman they live with. Why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free.

Answer 8

i think living together for 10 years is already a commitment, some marriages don't last that long. at the end of the day marriage is only a piece of paper so what would that change?

Answer 9

Why do you want to marry someone who won't commit to you. Sounds to me like he is kepping his options open. The whole parents thing is rubbish loads of peoples parents split up.

You need to tell him straight and say this is what you want can he provide it. Do you agree on kids etc, you have been together 12 years put him in his place so you know if you are wating your time. Sounds harsh but I knew someone in exactly the same situation this year.

Answer 10

You need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him that you love him but you would like it if the two of you got married. He is probably scared and things that it won't last, but surely there are other members of his family who have been married a long time.
tell him that he is not the only one who is scared as marriage is a big step, but you are prepare to take the risk if he is.

However if you want to get married and he is sure that he doesn't and would rather leave things as they are between the two of you then perhaps, despite the fact that you love him you may have to consider leaving

Answer 11

I think back to the old saying" why buy the cow if you are already getting the milk" I don't know why he won't make a honest woman of you. To be married is just a piece of paper. I think after all this time you can consider you are married.