im dead inside,deeply depressed,and feel like i wont get out of this?

Question

i went through emotionaly very hard relationship.my love was pathologicaly jaelous guy,which abused me verbaly and emotionaly,i lost my job and my friends.than i left him,and im gone for 6months.he is trying to get me back,we are still in touch.he says he wont hurt me anymore,cause the fact,that i left him for such a long time has taught him a lesson.but im worried.i love him so much,probably cause ive got problem myself.but when i imagine,i wont ever hug him again,i panick.i dont want to be treated bad,but i cant imagine i will be with someone else,and he will have another girl.he was mean to me,but he was also very nice.this influenced me a lot,i dont even wana start looking for a new boyfriend,i dont trust anyone n if i met new guy,id be worried,he changes any day and start to be mean to me.i tried to be good girlfriend,i stopped working,i stopped seeing my friends,yeah,i didnt liste straight away,but i did,n i was always said,that im not good girlfriend.im so depressed.

i cant imagine gettin out of this depression.it is just horrible.i know,we should stop the contact,and it probably happend,as his phone bill got too high.i feel scared.i feel jealous,he will be with another girl.he works in his father restaurant,where they have new waitress so often.i cant take it.this just broke me,destroyed me.i shud be able to walk out without any regrets from someone who ´brought me so much pain,but i cant stop crying over him.i want him to know i was good girl,i want him to remember me in a good way,but he will remember as an idiot and that hurts me even more.im dead inside.i turned 24 yesterday,but i feel my life is over.i dont have any plans,nothing.i hate my life.

and thats also other thing. i know, that it wont be easy for him to find a life partner. i know,how much he wants to get married and have a family,even though he is just 21.and i feel very sorry for him,because i think he will spend most of his life alone.and it makes me depressed even more.

Answer 1

Your depressed yes, but you can snap out of it.
Leopards don't change their spots - you got away for 6 months STAY AWAY! He won't change and he knows you are depressed because you stayed in touch with him so he is fully ready to take you back and continue to let you be his doormat. You lost your friends, WHY were they his friends - those aren't friends you dont need them, true friends would have stuck by you through this entire ordeal.

Find yourself, be alone, get a new job, make some new friends, move away, as far as you can and get yourself together. The last thing you need right now is a new boyfriend. Take some classes, join a gym these are all great ways to boost your self confidence and make new friends. God Bless!! Be strong don't go back go forwards!!!

Answer 2

I am very sorry to hear what he did to you. He may be nice, but how much cruelty and pain are you willing to put up with for those fleeting moments of bliss? He will not change. If he is jealous and abuses you emotionally, he could only be a few paces away from hurting you physically. He craves power, and when you submit to him and take him back you give him his power. No woman deserves to be abused.

The only reason I would worry about him being with another girl, is how he will hurt that girl. He hurt you, he will hurt others. Whatever you do, please do not go back to him.

I am sure you were a good girl friend, but a good girl friend will not satisfy a bad guy. Don't settle for anything less than the best, because you deserve the best that God has for you. Please stay away from him.

There are alot of bad guys out there. Be careful with your heart and really get to know someone before you start dating. No good guy would make you give up your job and friends. A good guy understands that girls need friends outside of a romantic relationship. Any relationship will require some compromise, but you should not be surrendering on all points. I'll pray for you.

Answer 3

SweetHeart, I swear to God I have been where you are and I almost lost my life over it. It was hard but I moved on and got better. See I didnt realize it but I was co-dependant. I felt like nothing without a partner. Right now you are at the familiar stage. You are familiar with him so you are willing to put up with the garbage. We are creatures of habit and being with the bad habit you know is much easier than the good one you dont know.
You dont need to look for a new boyfriend, he WILL come to you. I dont think you realize what a good girl you really are. Think about ALL you have put up with and been through. No weak person could do that. Your strong - maybe about the wrong things right now, but you do have it in you. He needs you more than you need him. He will never find anyone to put up with him the way you did and he KNOWS IT!!! That is why he keeps pursuing you.
SweetHeart he needs help and if you love him like you say you do, Stay away. You would be hurting him more than helping him if you took him back. You know in your heart that he cant treat people right. Dont you think he should change that behavior before he gets into another relationship? If it helps you tell yourself that you wont take him back because you love him. You know the way he acts and treats you is not normal. He needs help and you need relief. Dont be treated like a chump the rest of your life and dont let him hurt himself anymore. Staying away is a win win situation. Stay STRONG - take a life not an order. Your worth it even I can tell that. I Pray it all works out for you.
Good Luck and Stay Safe,
If you can ever let me know what happened or you just want to talk feel free to contact me. I'll be thinking of you.
From One Who Cares :-)

Answer 4

Please remember that not all women are that cruel and inconciderate. Maybe she's become callous towards you because she realizes that she screwed up a great thing, and can't deal with it herself. No matter what her reason is, you shouldn't keep trying to hang on to her. Let it go (I know it sounds impossible), and go out and meet new people. DON'T hurry into another relationship, and don't use some other girl like some doormat just to help you mend your heart. You may hurt an innocent person who could've been wonderful to you. Just hang out with friends. Flirt shamelessly (most girls won't take you seriously this way), and every day find something that makes you a special person to be involved with. It may sound kinda gay to the other some guys, but from a woman's perspective, it is very honorable (and extremely sexy) to see a man trying to recover from a broken heart without becoming a male whore.

Answer 5

You are a vulnerable jumble of emotions and thoughts and feelings and dreams and fears. You may need some one that can help you sort through and find yourself again. This is too important to put off.
I have some suggestions you might want to try:

~Educate yourself on verbal and emotional abuse. There are lots of good books, computer sites, even classes
You will get a better perspective and know that you are not the only one going through this.
~Go to a therapist, counselor,etc..
These people have gone to college to study this and learn how to help people. They are out there wanting to help you. There is no need to keep suffering.
~Consider Codependents Anonymous meetings. you can just sit and listen and your eyes will be opened. You will learn that you can become stronger in yourself without worrying how anyone else is.

"Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is take care of yourself!"

Answer 6

I'm sorry to say this but you need to deal with your problems right
now. Going back to him will not help this for the main causes of alot of emotional abuse and depression stem from what he has put you through he wants you back cause it appears to him that you put up with all his shi t. He has not changed he just knows that to find another women that he can treat the same way he has treated you is not an easy find because most women will tell him where to go. It's time for you to fix yourself and that may take time heal your sores as they say and then find a guy who treats you like a lady instead of a doormat. God Bless and Good Luck

Answer 7

I personally don't think you should take him back. Things sound pretty rough. When someone wont let you be yourself, and you are fighting all the time, it is inevitable that you are going to wind up hating each other. Not what you want to hear I know, but take it from someone that has been there. Once "it" starts, it doesn't end. its what you call a love hate relationship. somehow i think you will take him back though. dont say i didnt tell you so later down the line.....

Answer 8

One thing they are right: you are not prepared for a new boyfriend/man now. Untill you have settled, and brought balance in your mental frame, you should not try to establish a new connection with a man (even if he's the old one).
We men will either be very disturbed by your childish behaviour, or try to controll you (which happens the other way around, too).

In any case, I don't recommend connecting with your old 'love' anymore. Moreover, to be jealous about it. You really need to start over, and I mean REALLY. As someone said, connect with your old friends, or even make new ones (your old friends might be angry at you or something, but try to persuade them to help you - it always works).
Masturbation usually helps in situations like this (but don't turn into a nympho or self-satisfied woman).

There are 6.5 billion people out there, half of them (3.25 billion) are men, so when you stabilize yourself mentally, go in hunt! ;-)

Answer 9

When a man wants to control you and make you stop seeing your friends and quit working then you need to get them out of your life. Since you are no longer with this guy stop keeping in contact with him and move on with your life. You all ready know what he is like so it would be foolish to go back to him. In a new relationship you would at least have a fighting chance.

Answer 10

Girl let me tell you this, leave him a guy like that brings all us good guys down. I am more than sure you'll find somebody but do yourself a favor and gain some respect DONT TALK TO HIM !!! It will only open up doors that you regret with wasted emotion and your time. Dont you forget your a beautifl woman and you deserve better. Or you can get a blunt and blaze it up, jk ( not really, but yeah )