What do you think about arranged or "chosen" marriages?

Question

I'm gonna get matched whn I'm a little older, and am totally accepting of it, and I think it's wonderful...but I was just curious about what all you yahoo-ers think of it? Do any of you guys have arranged marriages?

Answer 1

i think it puts the responsibility of the marriage on the parents, for they (and the matchmaker) are making the decision. it is probably one of the parents that has more of a say in the decision than the other. also the "other" parents or the matchmaker influence the decision heavily.

the marriage in these cases is also going to based on financial and social considerations as opposed to "love", with the assumption that "love" and / or (at least) "attachment" will follow with time.

as far as i am concerned, i think that parents or older people may have better insight into what a young person needs, sometimes more than the young persons know. the chance of happiness and a good life may be good.

but the final decision of marrying is based on the young person with minimal contact.

considering that marriage is fairly weak in the west and divorce is rampant. i dont think that people can judge an arranged marriage as worse.

my friend left asia and went to the west because she was afraid of an arranged marriage. her father was very old fashioned and stubborn, and she was afraid of his decision making because her religious views were different than her father.
she felt that she needed a say in the decision.

best of luck to you!

Answer 2

I guess many people here aren't aware of cultures outside of their own.

Arranged marriage happens today and it happens in places that is as modern as Japan. Usually, but not always, parents arrange for meeting of the prospective mates. After reviewing their profiles few are chosen and the meeting takes place. This meeting is non-contact. It is usually the female that accepts or denies the proposals. From there, they usually go on for more common dating senario until the marriage takes place. By the way, usually, all these happens with full consent of the young adults to be married.

The reasoning behind modern marriage of this type is that instead of having the meeting and the choice of mate happen by chance and for reasons that are not always based on logical choice, by carefully selecting mate, they will have successful future. I have never seen the statistics on divorce rates, so I can not comment on which is better in terms of longevity.

The reason they did this in OLD days (in Japan) were that in some villeges there were few prospective mates. They had to facilitate marriage by this type of means, or otherwise, the villege will die out soon.

In some cultures, such as Indian, my understanding is it is little different. But by no means it is unique or odd.

By the way, statistically, the marriage in US fail by 50% according to census statistics. Knowing this, perhaps some can see why some culture take different approach.

Answer 3

I arranged my own marriage.... look how well that went. I think most all of us, whether it's arranged or we choose the person ourselves, is left with fate to decide how life will go, and if one system works better than the other, I don't know it.

Personally, I'd love for someone to say "Marry that person on this date." Life would be so much easier, and I wouldn't have to spend my dates shifting through the mindless piles of 19 year old girls.

Answer 4

To be honest, I don't understand having love arranged or chosen for you. To me, it has to be about knowing enough about that person that you realize that the compatibility will go far beyond it all. Meaning that most relationships start because of the physical then work it's way to mental and emotional. That's how they go out as well. Once the physical has died down and you're left with the mental and emotional that has to be strong enough to withstand anything.

With arranged or chosen marriages you simply giving up your chance to experience that type of connection. Of being attracted physically, going out and learning about them, finding out new things THEN realizing that you could be with them forever. What if you're 2 years into it and you find out things you don't like.

Hell, you want proof? Look at Britney Spears! She didn't arrange that but boy she's should've done more window shopping.

Answer 5

I think it's ridiculous in this day and age. It is not a natural way of meeting your life partner. I know of two women (of arranged marriages) who have been murdered in the past 3 months by their husbands.

Answer 6

I say 'What The Hell'... In this day and age, an arranged marriage has the same chance of survival as a regular one... 50/50

Answer 7

And what century do you come from, you mean they still do this, and you are accepting, he must be rich right.

Anyway this is deplorable to this yahooer because it totally takes away your choice of whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is not your mother or father who will be beaten every night if this guy is a cruel human being it is you.

There is no guarantee that you will be loved, and protected, it is your way of life but I would not be able to accept this, and would rebel, you asked so there you have it.

Answer 8

It would scare me to death. I respect your culture, but it could never work for me. I would need to know any person I was going to try to live with forever for a long time and make up my own mind about it before I could make such a commitment. However, I wish you only the best. If this is what the women in your community want to do, if this is something you all freely choose to let happen, then good luck and go in peace.

Answer 9

It's usually for the families. A marriage without love would not be worth it, that's why it is good to be a able to choose.

Answer 10

arranged marriage may be better but not at the old age