reword help?

Question

Although courses that deal specifically with human sexuality have been shown to promote tolerance towards homosexuality () it is unclear whether higher education in general results in similar increases in tolerance, or if there are systematic differences related to a student’s choice of program.

How can i reword this better? I'll send a copy of my final rsearch paper to anyone wants it.

Answer 1

It's really not bad as it is. I'm not sure what the () is for - do you have a reference or footnote number there?

Here is a minor rewrite:

Although courses dealing specifically with human sexuality have been shown to promote tolerance towards homosexuality, it is unclear whether this is a result of higher education in general or if there are systematic differences related to the student's field of study.

Answer 2

It is true that courses dealing specifically with human sexuality have been shown to promote tolerance towards homosexuality. It is unclear, however, whether higher education in general results in the same tolerance increase, or if there are sytemic differences related to a student's program choice.

Answer 3

It should be:

It is unclear whether higher education in general results have been shown to promote tolerance towards homosexuality, although courses that deal specifically with human sexuality in similar increases in tolerance are related to a student's choice of program.

I'm only 10 years old, don't listen to me if you don't want to, but that's how it should be.

Answer 4

Do you mean systematic differences or systemic differences?

Otherwise, it reads well.
Good luck with your paper.