For the first time in ten years my husband has cheated on me. He says he's sorry and won't do it again, but I can't forgive him and I'll never trust him again. Do you think I should file for a divorce?
2006-11-16 08:31:09 · 40 answers · asked by Susan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sure, if one mistake was all it took to make you decided to quit, then you couldn't have loved him much anyway. And was that perhaps the reason why he has strayed in the first place?
Seriously, Susan, if you still love your husband you should forgive him. I know it's easier said than done, but he is regretting it. Give him a chance. Learn to trust him again. Talk to him about it. And once you've decided to forgive him, put it behind you. If you want to know it or not, you're actually lucky. Many husbands cheat on their wives constantly. Your's is a one-timer, appreciate at least this fact!
2006-11-16 08:46:35 · answer #1 · answered by ina W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The lack of trust is something you feel. You should seek out a marriage counselor and get some advice. Maybe it can be repaired. Men are not fidelity driven beasts. We love strange and to go ten years without cheating is amazing. By ten years in the marriage the woman is not aware that she is rarely if at all having sex or pleasing her man. Many times they say we have plenty of sex. But in reality you have rushed sex or sex every month or two.
Men will give up after a while and when another woman shows them some attention they are easily led astray. Not that they don't have will power but they won't care. If he came to you and told you he is trying to make it right.
I always say forget it. It happened don't tell her it will only hurt her. But men think they can be honest after they were not honest. Once the horse leaves the barn you don't close the gate. Get some marriage counseling. Divorce is expensive! If there are bigger issues then plan a divorce. Remember this ain't high school it's the real world divorce especially with children gets ugly.
2006-11-16 08:42:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I am very sorry that your husband has cheated on you. I know how bad that feels speaking from experience. My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married 6 years and he has cheated on me 3 times not once. Why do I stay because he is my first love who I gave everything to. I love him very deeply but what he has done has put a hugh strain on our marriage. We argue all the time I can't trust him I don't trust him. I feel like I am being his babysitter now keeping tabs on him 24/7. And I hate being that way. I tried to leave many times but just got right back with him. I had to really sit down and sya to myself is this the life I want.....I just figured that if I can't get over what he has done I may as well leave but if I could find away to atleast forgive him then I can stay. Only recently after 3 years of the last time that I no he has cheated on me that I finally gave my heart to god and told my husband I forgive him. There's no point in us suffering for our husbands mistakes. All it will do is tear you up inside bring tears to your eyes and major migrains to your head. Just listen to your heart take sometime out to breath so that you can have a clear mind of thinking. Good luck to you and your family.
2006-11-16 09:02:50 · answer #3 · answered by haynbabe808 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deal with it , get over it and forgive him , or leave him and divorce him or you can go cheat on him and feel validated somehow although I dont think that will help your marriage. Thosse are your choices
Only you can decide if you want to get a divorce is it in your best interest but if you cant trust, respect or communicate with your husband then its probally over and you should just move on expecally since hes been cheating on you for ten years it doesnt seem like hes going to change, since he hasnt yet
2006-11-16 08:47:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not alone….I had the perfect relationship that was ruined by marriage. He cheated on me…after we had a perfectly good relationship for the past 5 years (married almost 2). But forgiveness after infidelity is not an option for me….I refuse to live my life second guessing his loyalty to me. He wants to work it out and keeps begging but…I know that it will never be the same. Everyone is different so listen to your heart. Do what is right for you and not what someone else tells you to do.
But don’t waste your time trying to fix the problems of a man who could not love you completely. You maybe missing out on someone great who probably can. Everyone deserves a great love, without the drama…
2006-11-16 08:36:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So why might it's major to turn out infidelity simply to get divorced? If he supplies economic protection now, then a pass judgement on might count on him to furnish that when divorce. My feeling is he does not have a role and neither do you. He leaves for weeks and does not even name dwelling to examine at the children? Great Dad you selected in your kids. Call it quits and consciousness on your self and your kids. File for divorce so you'll get an order for youngster help for the children and you'll begin getting your existence again on monitor. Who cares if he is a cheater. He's without doubt now not a well husband or a well father. Don't waste any further time.
2016-09-01 13:37:48 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very tough question, give yourself time, get over the first reactions and then think calmly - can you live with knowing that he cheated on you? Will you be able to trust his answer that he wont cheat again? if not then there is no other way than divorce, otherwise you can both put it behind and go on in the marriage.
If he does it again - don't think twice, he is not worth it, just leave him
2006-11-16 08:34:37 · answer #7 · answered by pshaytel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce
2006-11-16 08:33:06 · answer #8 · answered by dude12334 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't think you can forgive him or trust him ever again i would file for divorce. why should you stick it out if you know you will not be able to forgive him? if you still love him though, i would suggest you both give it a try and go to counseling. but whatever you do if you do decide to stick it out you have to let it be. don't constantly throw it in front of him every time you get in a fight.
good luck and god bless
2006-11-16 08:37:57 · answer #9 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself this question.....Do I deserve better than this?
If you have no trust in your marriage, then, you already don't have a marriage sweetie. I feel for you. I too have been in the same situation. I could not make myself lie in bed at night with a man that I could not trust. If it is deep in your soul and you can not forgive him, then do not make your life any more miserable. YOU deserve happiness. It will take time, but I promise you... it will come.
Good luck to you and whatever you decide. Please do not let others tell you what is in your own heart. Trust yourself!
2006-11-16 08:41:11 · answer #10 · answered by emotional blonde 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋