Please help?

Question

What will you do as a wife if your husband's adult five kids from ex-wife is always asking money, and put their loan address with their father home address not their home address of course I'm staying at this house I felt disrespect. I'm already fed up from my husband because of his adult kids ages 29 to 33 years old. They are already working and have a good pay job 27 to 31 dollars per hour more than my husband's salary but financially irresponsible. But because my husband loves his kids so much he give and give like a santa claus. They even ask my husband to finance their schooling. They are no longer minor and able to finance their own schooling if they know how to save their own money. When they visit their father at home, I saw how they dress, their car they don't rent and pay bills because they're living with their mother. But when they need money that's the time they only know their father and ask for money. And here comes the Santa Claus, he gives free money.

Of course as a new wife, I have the right to asked our finances savings, loans and debts; I’m already included with the debt that I didn’t owe and incurred. But my husband never tells me because he is hiding it from me. I asked him to give me a copy of his credit history, all the bank account savings and loans statements but he doesn’t want to show me anything. He even don’t want me to use the Post Office Box because he told me that’s not mine. I’m not owning PO Box hahahaha that’s only a box for me I just let my relatives send a VHS Tape once because I don’t want it to get lost; but what did my husband told me THAT’S NOT MINE!!!. My husband loans 9,000 dollars just to give it to his kids and my name is included with the credit union. Yes I love my husband; but with that kind of situation it’s difficult to accept. I felt I’m not a wife to him. He still love his ex-wife.

I let him draw picture of me and he draw an ugly face of me; and then asked him to draw a face of a beautiful woman what’s on his mind. You know what he draw HIS EX-WIFE FACE!!!! I felt always betrayed and my husband always lie to me.

What will you do?

Answer 1

too much to read!

Answer 2

His children are old enough to take care of themselves. Did your husband marry you to take care of you like he said? If so, you need to remind him of the everlasting debt he owes to you. Money is only a tool used in life. Like most tools if you use too much of it, it does not work any more. However if you use it just right and temporarily, then you will have that tool to use again. I think you need to explain to your husband that he makes you feel the way you do. You need to make him make a decision between his children and ex-wife or you. If you do not they will continue to use you and you will be left with nothing but your pride in the long run. Tell him your considering a divorce and let him know if he does not want you to do that, then explain to him that if that is what it takes for you to get a little financial security then tell him that is what you'll do.

Answer 3

WOW!!! did you already know all of this when you were dating and during your engagement? If you did not inquire into his financials, i'm sorry to say but this is your fault. Either you work and are infinitely wealthy or you live in the dark ages. When you marry, you combine debt and assets. Your unhappiness could have been prevented had you done a little bit investigation before the marriage. Sorry to say but you're stuck with the problems and you're going to be stuck with the debt. Ignorance isn't always bliss.

Answer 4

It's not right for his kids to be doing that, but the love that a father has for his children, will go along ways. Maybe it's his way of showing that he loves them. If he has the money to do it, then let him do it. There is a difference though when money is limited. you should never spend more than you make. If this is really bothering you a lot, then maybe you both need to talk and come to an agreement on financesl. If he still is holding things back from you, maybe its time to get rid of him, why put your financial status in jepordy..common now... we live in a society that revolves around financial standings.

Answer 5

I am no advocate of divorce, but this does not even sound like a marriage. Get counseling fast. Drag his sorry butt there if you have to. The kids are grown up. They need to start acting like it and move out on their own, and take care of themselves. It sounds like their mother and your husband hae been coddling them for way too long.

Answer 6

how old are you and how old is your husband?? you sound as if you got into a situation you couldnt handle and i dont blame you i would nt wanna handle it either. my husband hid his financial situation from me until we were married and then i put my foot down. if you want your marriage to last then you need to let him know your an adult and his wife. he needs to share everything with you. the situation with his x sounds like she needs to be kept away. good luck

Answer 7

Are you from different country???
You sound so familiar. I guess you do not know the law well and feel very insecure here.
I think you should get a good attorney, otherwise you can get yourself in very bad situation...Especially with all that love for your husband.........

Answer 8

Earlier today you were worried about your name not being on your husband's life insurance policy. All i can say is lady, if you have all these money issues with your husband why the hell do you stay with him?

Answer 9

He disrespects you, ruins your credit, excludes you from decision making, and obviously still thinking of his ex-wife. hhhmmmm. I do believe I'd leave his sorry butt. Maybe his kids can take care of him.

Answer 10

You are in a very bad situation which can only get worse. Your husband will ALWAYS do for his kids. I suggest you divorce him because it will not get any better and he will ruin your credit.

Answer 11

I really dont know what to think, its pretty complex. The drawings would be of greatest concern to me. If he draws an ugly face for you and you believe he is still in love with his ex-wife and he draws her face then I think your gut instincts are right. This would make you feel terrible, it would make you feel like you are coming second.....well not even second, you are coming last to his ex wife and children. It seems that is his only focus.

I dont know what you can do because if he trully is still in love with his ex-wife and his children are his priority in life, then where do you fit in? It doesnt seem like much of a marriage to me because he is still living in the past. He should have let his ex-wife go a long time before he even considered marrying you. And where the money thing with his kids are concerned that is plain ridiculous. If they are earning more than him, then where is his logical brain. Maybe all his life he has had to buy love. Maybe the relationship with his ex-wife was all one-sided and he was just a doormat to be used. Maybe that is why he married you because with you he may feel some control. I dont call giving your adult gives everything "love". As a parent if you give your kids everything then you are teaching them nothing. I could understand it, if they were unemployed, but they are not. They are using your husband pure and simple. He may love them, but they certainly do not love him. How dare they impose themselves on him this way. They have no respect whatsoever for him, but I guess if he keeps on giving then they will keep on asking. They are users pure and simple.

You really have to do something about this unacceptable situation. You are his wife now and if he wants to keep you, then he has to start treating you as a priority. If he is not doing that and from where I am sitting he certainly is not treating you like anything more than someone he is living with. He wants his life to remain the same, he is buying his kids love. He must be a terribly insecure man.

This is a horrible situation for you to be in. You are eventually going to go down financially. He is not considering you in any of this. You are supposed to be equal partners and you are being made to accept responsibility for debts he is incuring. He doesnt need to borrow money to give to his kids. If his kids are earning what you say and are adults then they are in the position to borrow money for themselves. You are really getting in very deep and if he keeps on going then you are going to lose yourself and eventually be so caught up with his debts that any kind of love you feel for him now will disappear and all you will be left with is bitterness and a huge financial debt.

You really have to put a stop to it now. I could not be with a man who didnt consider me first and foremost in our relationship. Wow, I dont believe how you could accept all of this. I dont often say this, but I would be packing my bags right this minute and walking out the door. I would be finding a man who loves me enough to put me above anything else. Yes, he should love his kids and their needs are very important, but hell, they are adults and earning their own money and as a responsible parent your husband should be teaching them about responsibility. What your husband is doing is not showing his children anything positive. All he is doing is showing them how to use people. What horrible kids he must have. Surely he isnt so stupid as to not see he is being used. Where is this man's pride. I bet his kids are laughing at him behind his back. They are learning nothing about life and they certainly know nothing about love and respect. But your husband is allowing this to happen. If you dont stop it now, it will only get worse and you are going to find yourself in all sorts of trouble.

Find your own self pride. You shouldnt have to come last to his family and it seems that is where he has placed you. I would be totally disgusted with my husband if he were doing what your husband is doing to you. Stand up...dont accept it. Tell him he either stops his ridiculous behaviour or lose you. You dont need this....your husband hasnt grown up...he needs to treat you as his number one. His children are grown and they dont need him..they are using him pure and simple.

Tell him to stop treating you so badly and if he wont, then leave. There is a man out there who will consider your feelings and treat you like the love of his life, not as a person who doesnt matter and that is exactly how your husband is treating you. You obviously dont matter because all his money is going to his kids. Where do you really fit into his life? Youve got me beat because nothing you have said makes me believe you are even a small priority in his life. He needs to be woken up quickly and he needs to know that his kids are using him. How rude of them. I cant believe how your husband could be so stupid as to believe they love him. I wouldve been outa there the minute I knew I was at the bottom of his priority list.

I do wish you well, I really do, but until you get some self pride and demand he treat you well, nothing will change.