If you're not gay yourself, then how can you say that....?

Question

being gay is a choice? How do you know that, if you don't have the feelings that we do?

Answer 1

Some people place an inordinate focus on a handful of passages from the Bible (which, as far as literature goes, is terribly overrated) that condemn homosexual behavior as an "abomination."

Because the Bible is full of contradictory nonsense, what people often do is they pick and choose which parts they will listen to. Like the part about stoning one's children to death if they talk back to you - no one really pays attention to that, or to the passage about how eating shrimp and lobster is an abomination. That would just be too inconvenient.

So when people already don't like gay people - which is what they pick up from this wonderfully homophobic culture of ours - all they have to do is flip open the Bible and find the passage in Leviticus that agrees with them, and then they can feel perfectly justified in their bigotry. Indeed, they often begin to force this hatred upon others, such as with that awful Fred Phelps and his grotesque little cult in Kansas.

Here's the thing, though: if people do not choose to be gay, but in fact are born that way, what would that say about God? And what would that say about the Bible?

Religious people will either plug their ears or run fleeing from anything that threatens their dearly-head beliefs. It's how they organize their entire thought process about the world and the other people in it, after all. So there is no way they could ever acknowledge that the Bible is mistaken, because God doesn't make mistakes. And if being gay is a mistake, then it must be because people choose to be that way.

But I look at it like this: those who take the Bible as the inerrant and literal word of God are choosing to be ignorant. Which is also why they continue to think the Earth is only 6,000 years old, was created in six days, and Adam rode a pterodactyl to work.

Give me gay over stupid any day. Cheers!

Answer 2

I was going to answer that in fact we all have some of the same feelings you do, but not all with the same degree of emotional component. And I was going to add that acting on them was a choice, but the incentive to act on them was much more than a choice, it was almost a requirement if your emotions required the added satisfaction - over and above sensual pleasure - that this activity could sometimes only offer to those who as a consequence were labeled gay.
I was going to point out that the proponents of choice seem to believe the choice is not only made due to temptation, but the choice itself is the determinant of whether a person is gay. They don't say what the mechanism is here, but apparently it's not an addiction to pleasure, as then it might seem that the need for that pleasure was inborn - and that's exactly what they don't want to say if their belief that it's strictly behavior induced by the devil, and to change the behavior would in effect change the need for it. And gays would be converted to straights once they saw the devil was piling on with his wood or however that saying goes.
And as to the pleasure, it was only there because the devil made sinful things seem pleasurable as part of his ways.
And then I read an answer here (apparently since withdrawn)where one of Christ's witnesses said that in fact the act was pleasurable, but that it was wrong because he bible said it was a sin and that was that.
But I then sensed that maybe the very existence of this forum is making somewhat of a sea-change in the general way people look at this phenomena. That it is becoming impossible to say both that homosexuality is a choice, yet not a pleasure that is a factor in deciding to choose to do the activity.
So now it seems that the line may be that, yes, it's a pleasure, but one that is ultimately harmful, and God in his wisdom knows what that harm is and his knowledge is the best reason he needs to give as to why that is.
And I say it's a sea-change because it's a bit of a break in the dike that holds back the flood of real knowledge in this who;le area.
And whether or not nature or nurture is involved in causing people to want to engage in that activity, the choice is only if they will or will not do it, not in whether or not they will inevitably desire to do it.
And the real puzzler to me is that if sexual activity is in itself pleasurable, why do gays NOT want to try it with women on occasion as well (and of course some do), and what is it in the nature of those who don't that has caused them to not even have the desire for what should ultimately be pleasurable?
In short, the odd thing about being gay is not that it makes one desire sex with other men, or others of the same sex, but that why does it seem to make the men especially NOT for the most part want to have sex with women.
Is it possible that the real "normality" is bisexualism, and that only the "not liking of women" is the condition that is below the norm somehow?

Answer 3

American society and culture teaches that a person is either gay or straight with nothing in between, and further teaches that the term bi-sexual is a cop-out to excuse gay behavior by those who want to retain the label of straight. And integral to those teachings is that to act out that behavior is unnatural, immoral, and sinful in the bargain.

So when someone so indoctrinated, and not believing themselves gay, for any reason has an interest in experiencing gay sex, they are most likely going to label that interest as a temptation. They cannot say or believe that it's an interest they were born with (or even a nurtured desire), as the next logical step would be to conclude they were gay by nature or design (again since no middle ground is allowed for). And in fact many of them do secretly wonder if they are gay by nature, and have all the more reason to rationalize that these feelings come as a temptation from without (such as from the Devil) rather than from a quality within (and one that could otherwise guarantee their doom).
So in a way, the claim that being gay is a choice comes from people who DO share the same feelings with gay or predominately gay people. It's that sharing that, ironically, convinces them the trait is NOT inborn or intrinsic. as they for the most part are able to resist those "temptations." And to confirm that they are only temptations, they need to argue that those who don't resist them are just weak - otherwise we're back to the alternate explanation that the feelings are essentially inborn.
Bottom line, in their constructed opinions: There is no gradation of gay or not gay, and therefor to consider that the feelings they have had are in any way a part of being gay would mean the person who has them is in fact gay - UNLESS these feeling are the result of temptation unrelated to nature!!

I know this seems complicated, but this is the way the mind works - and it doesn't have to go through this process every time, as once it finds this "solution" to such fearful questions, it applies that solution automatically from then on.


I'll assume that whoever gave this a thumbs down is either one who wants to persist in believing being gay is a choice, or someone that didn't understand I'm defending the position that it's NOT a choice regardless of the rationalizations used to argue that it is. Or assuming my reasoning is correct, someone who is just too dumb to follow it.

Not even a gay person seems to like this. Maybe even they don't understand or want to believe that these feelings aren't exclusively theirs. The advocates of either position seem afraid of a slippery slope to the other end of the "polarity."

Hey, one thumbs up. Maybe there's some light in the tunnel after all.

Answer 4

Give me a break. Obviously having sex with anyone is a choice, as is not having sex, but simply because one doesn't have sex doesn't change the fact that they are gay or straight. What I'm reading is that one chooses to be gay by having sex with someone of their own sex. So if I'm straight (which I am) and for some reason I haven't had sex with a woman, does that mean I'm not straight? I'm straight and it wasn't a choice that I made and I think no matter how hard I try, I'll find it difficult to chose to become gay. If I'm at the bus stop and some buffed dude with tight jeans is there with me, I find it hard to imagine that suddenly I'll think to myself, "damn, that looks good, I think today's that day I'll become gay." All I can think of is that those people who state it is a choice are closet bi, and for them it actually is. If you actually believe it's a choice because you have that "temptation" then you're either gay or bi and accept that fact, but don't condemn others because you can't resolve the issue for yourself. I'm straight, others are gay, and some fall somewhere in between . . . and if you are religious, accept the fact that whatever supreme deity that you believe in made em all. All I can say is that I've been taught not to judge, so I won't.

Answer 5

People who say that being gay is a choice apparently do not stop to think about it too deeply. I'm straight, and I don't have a "choice" about that. I can't help it. Who we are attracted to is a natural thing that just happens. We don't choose it. The only reason people even say it is a choice is because they are confronted by a serious theological problem if they were to admit that one does not choose their sexuality. They believe that their religious scriptures are from God and not man. So they feel it MUST be true. And if it says that God does not approve of homosexuality, then they must believe it is a choice, or else, God is some kind of tyrant who creates people a particular way and then hates them for being that way.

Just want to point out that not all religious people do that. I am religious, and I don't.

Answer 6

They can not know what we go through. The choice is not in being gay or straight. Iti is accepting who we are and having the guts to come out and be honest to ourselves and the rest of the world. They presume that is a choice rather than who we are. That way they can say we have a choice in changing, or changing us.

Thay come on here and all sorts of other medias attempting to changes us. However we have only grown in numbers. They try to bash us and we gain and seak equality. They are losing the battle, because they are wrong and evil.

Answer 7

We can't. I'm straight but my best friend in the world is gay & though I love him like my brother I will never understand how he feels. Unfortunely he can never come out because he teaches at a Catholic school & he would lose his job but I wait for the day that he can live his life happy & out in the open. But for now we pretend that I am his girlfriend so his family & job accepts him. I only wish they would accept him for the wonderful sweet guy that he is & always will be.

Answer 8

Simpletons would rather condemn than embrace, so they make up whatever they can to justify their abominable behavior. It's as if they never noticed being HETEROsexual isn't a *choice.* Maybe my logic is skewed, but I know from my personal experience that no matter how hard I try, I just cannot bring myself to be attracted to women. This leads me to believe that sexuality is not a matter of will.

Honestly? I don't give a flying f^ck. As long as no one is being harmed and no human or civil rights are being violated, I figure people should just do what they want. Because someone decides to live his or her life differently than I choose to live mine doesn't mean that that person should be denied basic human respect and consideration.

Answer 9

I like you!! I totally one hundred percent agree with you. I don't get people who aren't GLBTQAI but say that they know that it is a choice.

To all those people I pose a question: Why did you choose to be straight and at what specific time did you choose to do so???

Answer 10

It's a difference in definitions. The religious right and the bigots have a harder time arguing about how someone was born, so they define being gay as sleeping with someone that's your own gender.

Most gay and lesbian folk define it as who you are attracted to.