How come I can't let go of these feelings..............?

Question

I was with this guy before I married my husband. And we had plans to be together, but it didn't work out like that, so I moved on and got married to a great guy. But my heart can't totally let this other guy go. Why? We have both moved on and done other things. I feel bad. I love my husband and I want to be with him. But why can't I get this other man out of my head and heart? It is unfair to myself and my husband to feel this way. What do I do? No I am not hooking up with this other guy & I am not cheating on my husband. The other guy and myself are kind of like friends. We say hello when we run into eachother and that is about it. What can fix my problem? Please help........I am tired of feeling like this. I have felt this way for years.

Answer 1

Your husband is right there and he's real. You can see all of his flaws. The other guy is somewhere else. You can build him up in your mind to be much better than he really is. He's a man with flaws too. We always want what we can't have. If you had him, you probably wouldn't want him. Try to see the negative side of this guy.

Answer 2

Having feelings for someone in your past is normal. I believe that if you truly loved someone it is unconditional and that feeling never truly goes away. What you must do is find a way to love them without it taking over your current relationship. Know the difference between the way you love your husband and the way you loved this guy. If you truly love your husband you can't imagine having life without him. However it does not make it any easier for you to have this love still there for this other guy. Know your boundaries don't put yourself in a situation that could make you react on the feelings that you remember having with this guy. Try to think of how it would make your husband feel if he knew that you had these feelings for this person and how he would feel if you acted on them. Try to see the ending result of acting on these feelings before you react to them.

If you are trying to get these feelings to go away you will never make them go away. it just want happen you will always love the ones you loved you just love the ones you are with differently. Try to Cherish the memories you had with the old one and keep in mind that if it is meant for you to be with this other person love will find its way back to you when the time is right and if you are questioning how to get rid of these feelings it is not the right time.

Answer 3

One good way is to get a notebook and pen and right down all your feelings on paper,I mean everything to what ya did together down to the way ya still feel.Then when you are done tear it up in little pieces and throught it away and tell yourself(very important) this is my choice to give these feelings a rest not forever but for awhile,it does get better but you have to allow yourself alittle while to get over it and remember these are your feeling,if you put your feeling down you are putting yourself down.

Answer 4

Avoid this other guy like the plague. Only think about your husband. Eat turkey.

Answer 5

read "He's Just Not That Into You" by greg brendhart. believe me...what you are looking for is closure. all women crave it. what you need to learn is that you don't need it. there is a chapter in there that states, "why do you need someone to tell you directly in the eye and say 'i don't love you'? " and he has a point. you don't need someone to tell you to your face why they don't love you. the fact that they aren't with you, is enough. you just haven't figured it out yet. that's all. and believe me, that feeling will go away. i promise.

Answer 6

while u feel all however u feel, its ur husband(the only good person in this story) who's getting the worst of it, no matter what happens