Found my husband doing dirty things and I am the one feeling bad. Tell me why!?!?

Question

I found out quite suddenly after four years of marriage that every day after I was sleeping my husband would go upstairs and watch dirty movies on the computer. For some reason it has just completely broken my heart. I feel like he has cheated on me, but I know he hasn't. We have never had sex that often but now that he has stopped watching he wants sex a lot more. This infuriates me even more. I have known this man for so long and if I hadn't caught him in his indescretions he would have continued to deny me to pleasure himself. I am hurt and I don't know why. Please don't be a smart a$$ either because I can't handle that right now. I need a real answer to why porn hurts!!

Answer 1

perhaps, u r not taking care of him or not taking interest in sexual activities with him.
please be smart always and don't hurt him in any matter, u will find a better result very soon.

Answer 2

Because you want to be his only thought when it comes to sex and there is nothing wrong with how you feel. More than likely he was doing this before you got married and you probably did not know anything about it. Is this a make it or break it issue with you? If it hurts then I say it is. So what does common sense tell you? If he is leaving the bed to watch porn he has a problem and don't feel that it is with you. Some men watch porn because the fantasize about being with other women. Some do it because of curiousity. And some do it because they are addicted. Of course you have to talk to him about it but more importantly tell him how it makes you feel. If from that point he continues, then you know he is addicted. Maybe in a private time you watch a porno with him and find out what it is that is turning him on. Learn your husband and make sure that he doesn't have a problem that needs to be addressed. My guess is just like most woman that a husband should only find them sexually appealing. But the truth is that something such as watching porn just didn't happen over night. The good news is it is not the end of the world. You just have to get answers for your insecurities.

Answer 3

ALL I CAN SEE with your relationship if you really want to save it is a psychiatric help for your husband, a few session would do him some good and eventually help him cope with his excessive desire for porn and sex. I SUSPECT there is more than what he told you regarding his mom or his previous life when he was a child. I suspect he was molested or a child abused. He has a twisted mentality when it comes to sex and other pornographic materials. I bet he forgot how to take a bath or eat at all he thinks about is sex and porn in the house or else where. YOU NEED HELP fast or else something might end up nasty between you and your husband. Yes that is practically true, that excessive porn makes a man not able to connect to a woman in reality or in the real world. And doesn't respect women anymore. That is also the danger of it he might rape other women thinking that it is good for him because of these too much porn in his head. The picture flashing in his head that women like it to be rape that is why he will do the nasty thing because of porn. You have to ask for help through a doctor or a psychiatrict to help him cope with the problem by giving him medication or you could file a divorce eventually to make him realize what is really the problem between you and his excessive porn. YOU GOT TO STAND UP for your rights as individual not a slave to your husband obsession of porn. Either you do something or just keep quiet under an oak tree thinking only a miracle would save your marriage.

Answer 4

It hurts because...
1. He was keeping secrets from you.
2. You're wondering about your sexual adequacy and whether your husband finds you desirable.

One interpretation for your husband's increased libido is that he's not jacking off in front of the computer anymore and is trying to find satisfaction elsewhere. Another might be that he's trying to reassure you that he does in fact love you and find you desirable.

I would recommend couples' therapy as a way to address this issue in a constructive and objective format. You both need to talk about this is a way that does not push the other away. Things are only going to go even further downhill if you continue to resent his sexual advances, which will lead him to go back to porn to find release, which will only hurt you and infuriate you more, etc. You can see where this is going.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Some men use porn as an aid. For example if you need a sperm count at the doctors office they may give youu mazines porn. But it should never be a replacemetn.
Personally I find porn very offensive to me and degrading to women in general. YThe real deal is so much better.
If he;s not much into sex and very much into porn he has ;
a loose crew
his elevator doesn't go all the way up
his bucket isn't full
or he;s got serious idenity issues
I would back hiim against the wall on that one and ask him out front what his probllem is before soemthing else comes up like a boyfriend or something worse.

Answer 6

It sounds like you're blaming yourself for his actions. Don't blame yourself. If you're not having sex often enough, have more. Try different ways to pleasure him and make sure he does the same to you. If you feel there is adequate sex in your life and he does this quite often, he has a problem. Which means he may even get it else where even though he loves you. Maybe he needs help and only you right now can point this out to him. Sit him down and tell him you know what he's doing and make him tell you why. You both could see a counselor since you are a couple. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Dealing with second place is always hard to take. Remember his resorting to masturbation and fantasies occurred because there was a breakdown between the two of you. No big deal just put that in the past and keep him interested in normal sex but letting yourself share some porn time with him may give both of you new avenues to travel. Be open about sex and remember between husband and wife there should be no barriers. Talk about all your feelings and get his feelings. Working together accomplishes much more than trying to solve things other ways.

Answer 8

I am sure the deceit probably hurts you more than the fact that he was watching the porn, that and the fact that he was getting off to porn and that was satisfying his needs and probably made you feel like you were not needed to fulfill that part of his needs. It is normal to feel rejected, neglected and slighted when a man or woman turns to porn for their satisfaction instead of their mate. So the feelings you are having are not uncommon, but they can be destructive if you do not deal with them. You need to let him know how he has made you feel, and also let him know that if he feels the need to do something like that again, that you want to know before hand, so that you can work with him to fulfill his urges and needs before a porn star does. Become part of the solution, don't let your hurt feelings become a bigger problem.

Answer 9

Would he have gone on doing it if you hadn't found him? Yes. Is that a bad thing? No.

The fact is that your sexual drives are different. His is more active than yours. The fact that he has stopped and now he wants more sex should tell you that he's not cheating and he wants to have sex more often.

Is there a reason why you don't want to have more sex? In my opinion, the issue here isn't porn, it's a lack of proper communication. Talk to each other and you'll find you can work this out so both of you are happy.

Answer 10

hi hunny im in the same boat you are. But I found my fiancee looking up cam porn and finding different mates. I'm not for sure or not if he was searching for someone else but I know that he was looking at porn he told me he was. But he lied about it before I got on the computer . I know it hurts and i been smoking up a storm b/c im so hurt and I just want to cut off his Dxck. We also have a 5 months old son are sex life isn't bad but I ask myself why. All we can do is ask them why but really their just going to lie. Porn to me is cheating its like another female is getting are man off and they are getting tuned on by that female. Some people dont say its not cheating but it is b/c they are doing it behind are backs. Im sorry hunny keep your head up and talk to your husband about how you feel thats the best thing and if that dont work you might need to see someone to help your marriage.

Answer 11

The reason why you are feeling really bad is because you think that your husband is cheating on you by seeing other women and men doing it. A lot of married men watch porn. It has something to do with fulfilling desires or fantasies. Many men would watch porn to get into the mood or to satisfy their desires of seeing their fantasies fulfilled. I would suggest that maybe you needn't feel that bad and think that your husband is cheating on you just for watching dirty movies. Try to relax and find if there is some real reason why he is compelled to watch them everyday. Maybe your husband likes to masturbate even though he has regular sex. A lot of people have the desire to do since they think that they can fulfill their desires better than anyone else. I agree it is sort of a selfish thought, but what can one do? If your husband admits to this, then maybe you both can try mutual stimulation or masturbating in front of each other if you are up to it.

If you are not averse to the idea, then both of you could watch a soft porn movie to get in the mood. Otherwise, you could try role playing as it seems that your husband likes to live more in fantasy than real life. He might have an unhealthy fixation on the people in a flick and might think that people in real life would also put out the same way. You could suggest to him that the people in the flicks are just actors and they are paid to behave in that way. Discuss with him to find out what the problem is and sort it out delicately. Hope things work out.