Wonderful husband; however, thinking about ex. What the???

Question

I have been having intimate dreams about my first crush when I was 15 years old. The dreams that I have been having are things that never actually happened during our relationship.
Here's the problem...I am happily married to a man that I love more than anything and we have a 15 month old daughter. We get along very well and I can't picture my life without him; however, I also think about my former boyfriend all the time and we have been chatting on myspace quite a bit lately and reminiscing about old times. My husband knows and is OK with this as it's strictly platonic.
Here's the problem....I got in the car on Tuesday, with my daughter, and drove 120 miles to see this former boyfriend whom I haven't seen since high school. We was more than shocked even though we had a good visit. I know, from his lifestyle, that things wouldn't work out between us. I still don't know as to why I decided to impulsively visit as I am not an impulsive person. Can someone please help????

Yes, the feelings were mutual. I know that he thinks about me too as I was his first kiss and he has brought up things that I haven't thought about in years! You people are right though...I need to let this go!

By the way...I'm 31 years old and yes, I sometimes want the "teenager" back in me as life gets so routine, especially with a baby.

Answer 1

I don't think it's too strange. You say he was your first crush, but you didn't say why it never developed into anything more, and you also didn't say if he ever reciprocated your feelings. I think many women can never truly get over their first love, even if it was just puppy love. Maybe you still feel like you need closure from the whole situation, no matter how long ago it happened, or what has happened since. I know that for a long time I used to think about my ex from high school (not in a fantasizing way; just more like a "what's he doing now?" kind of way) and then one day I found him on MySpace (or he found me) and just seeing the e-mail from him made me feel all sick and sweaty, like I was going behind my boyfriend's back, even though I didn't do anything. I only composed a polite response e-mail and then never contacted him again, but it was an exceptionally odd feeling. Not because I still had feelings for him, but because it brought back all the pain and emotional angst he had caused me back then. We never did anything beyond kissing when we were going out (I wouldn't let him do anything else), but it was a profound experience in my life, and it was the first real broken heart I've ever suffered. If something similar happened with you and this guy, that's probably why you feel so compelled to see him, because the 15-year-old girl inside of you still needs to heal herself. Now you've seen him, though, so please don't make it a habit, as it could totally jeopardize your marriage (guys don't always understand our need for closure in past relationships).

Answer 2

It's pretty obvious; you're married, with the responsability of a new baby girl. Sometimes our responsabilities get to us - but not always so badly that we lean towards extramarital affairs or divorce. You're just taking a little sanity break from your current situation, fantasizing about a relationship in which you were a free teenager with no significant responsability but to graduate high school.

"The dreams that I have been having are things that never actually happened during our relationship." - most likely because you know alot more intimate things today than you did then, which only makes sense why you are able to visualize this.

The 120 mile visit may be a slight obsessive addiction to that fantasy, where you are actually making it slightly real by visiting him, but knowing that a relationship "wouldn't work out" between you both.

If you are worried, I would suggest taking some time out from the computer and your communication with him. Get back to remembering how it was when it was just you and your husband and remember that despite the fact that you are now parents, in the beginning you were lovers. Get together, make sure it's about the two of you; a romantic dinner, a movie out, whatever. Steer clear of conversations about family life, children, etc. Give yourselves the opportunity to retain that lovers relationship in your marriage by remembering that you both are not only spouses and parents, but also a woman with womanly needs, and a man with manly needs.

Answer 3

I might endorse you to endorse that the 2 of you move to counseling, if he needs to don't forget a moment hazard. You have got to have any one who can stand again and appear on the crisis objectively pay attention to the either one of you. Why had been you divorced within the first situation? I believe you are lonely and had been feeling prone on the grounds that you had been dissatisfied that your kids had left. You need to don't forget that either one of you're bringing luggage to the desk. How might your kids think approximately this? Just on the grounds that there turns out be be adulthood in him that wasn't gift nine years in the past does not imply there fairly is something special approximately his person. A character is what he's. He might gift a somewhat special kit at the external, however the within is what counts. Sit down and make a record of the professionals and cons approximately him. Go to counseling, and pay attention to what the counselor has to mention.

Answer 4

A dream is the experience of envisioned images, sounds, or other sensations during sleep. The events of dreams are often impossible or unlikely to occur in physical reality, and are usually outside the control of the dreamer. Keep dreaming and fantasizing but thiat should be your limit. Also try to think if you are indeed such happily married woman. Sometimes there is something lucking in your marriage, which pushes you in the arm of other man. If you can resolve underlying problem you will be happily married for a lot of years to come.

Answer 5

No matter what you decide to do or not do, unless you intend to never commuicate with him ever again, tell your husband what your thinking and how your feeling, even if no relationship ever develops. Also assure him that you still love him (if you still do) and want to be with him through thick and thin.

But tell him. The lack of honesty is feeding your fantasy and you are making choices out of impulse.

Several things could happen if you tell him. He could get upset and demand that the two of you could never see each other again. Your husband might agree that the three of you meet and talk from time to time to avoid temptation. I know from experience that he might be secure enough with his relationship to you that he would allow you to explore your feelings for this other guy. But remember, your married and you and your husband's relationship comes first always. And you never, never hide anything about this from him (except the intimate sexual details if it comes to that).

Chances are the discussion with your husband will likely end any involvement with this other guy but you never know and you willl never bear the guilt of hiding your feelings from your husband which can be equally caustic to your marriage.

Answer 6

Let me guess... You're very young, and he was your only "serious" boyfriend until you met your husband? After you had had many "crushes" and had fallen in love several times, you kinda realize that it's nice and all, but finding this one special person to be married to is something of a different order of magnitude entirely. There's nothing wrong in acknowledging your past and remembering it, but it's important to move on and focus on the present and the future. What you're doing is for now innocent and silly, but it could turn destructive if you don't see it for what it is - the past. Your present is different now, stick with it.

Answer 7

Sometimes when we think about someone in our past, we only think about the good things. There is a reason why you broke up. Has he really changed from that time? I am all about open marraiges if it works for you but you need to be honest with your husband and he has to agree in order for it to work out.There is a risk too.Your husband may dump you. Is this person really worth risking your marraige for? Think about all the consequences before you act on it.

Answer 8

sounds like you just wanted to see an old friend, ya'll had been chatting about the past and you the both of you probably wanted to see each other after all these years. just because you find yourself thinking about him doesn't mean you want him. seems like it's just a friend thing with him, besides your married and have a daughter.

Answer 9

Stop acting like a silly school girl. You're a married woman and mother. STOP with the dumb myspace chat and grow up. You're walking a dangerous line and you know it. Just stop it.

Answer 10

That myspace is nothing but trouble for you. I know because I too have had my turn at it all. And none of it is worth loosing your husband over.