My wife's ex has on one occasion tried to kiss her off her guard and has made numerous attempts to get back with her. She assures me that she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our relationship. However, I don't really talk to this guy much and I don't respect what he has done knowing that she has moved on. I told her I do not want him in our house when I am there or not there. I told her he came come to pick kids up and leave. He can take them to his own house and spend time with him. I told her that I am fine with all of us being together for special events such as birthdays, etc. She agreed not to let him come in anymore but she was very upset about it and told me that I am not being an adult. I feel that she still has one foot in her old relationship and one foot in ours because she says they still have a friendship which is fine with me but our family comes first now not him just hanging out because he has nothing better to do. I don't think I am being unfair.
2006-11-16 05:04:29 · 28 answers · asked by kws504 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, what an issue! It seems that the children are the only ones who will be affected by the parents hanging out together (or not) and sometimes that's not such a bad thing. My ex and I are still friends. We do hang out BUT he has his wife, I have my husband and our son unerstands that our relationship is a friendship. He understands that we aren't getting back together, but that we are friends who are concerned with raising our son together. My husband and his wife are good friends and all is okay in our situation.
The problem here is that you aren't okay with the situation and she needs to respect that. You have a right to say what goes on in your home and to be comfortable with your environment. Although she feels that you should allow her ex to become a part of your world, it is her that is not being adult. She should respect your opinion and your needs BEFORE considering the needs of the ex.
If you talked to the guy do you think you would like him at all? If not, send him on his way. Do you REALLY think that she still has feelings for the guy? If yes, then send him packing.
You have to do what is right for you. As I tell my little sister all of the time-- YOU DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU.
2006-11-16 05:18:40 · answer #1 · answered by CyndiDrum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An alternative to this is she goes to his house to hang out... and I know you wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
Its great that they have a healthy relationship for the kids sake.
If you don't trust her, thats a problem between the two of you.
My son's dad and I have a great friendship, and people question why we split. It's not that simple. Sometimes people can be good friends, but just can't live together.
Here's the deal:
Either you trust your wife, or you don't.
She sounds like a good mom, putting her kids first. I think you should try to become friends with this guy, at least be friendly... you are raising his kids. She is married to you and has expressed her feelings. Trust her unless she gives you a reason not to. Don't make things more difficult.
2006-11-16 05:13:40 · answer #2 · answered by my-kids-mom 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Was he hanging out before you got married? Did she discuss him hanging out at your place beforehand? The answer is No he can take the kids to a park, library or his own home. You are only required to be cordial to him and then only in situations that involve the kids (school play, sports etc) otherwise you have every right to tell him to not hang out at your house. Obviously the wife is not understanding how this makes you feel she doesnt care about your feelings
2006-11-16 05:44:59 · answer #3 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have taken the correct approach with the situation. I do NOT think you are "not being an adult",I think (with no disrespect to you wife intended)you have a right to say who comes in your home with you there or not,especially when you know the ex has "Tried things" with your wife,but I have to commend your wife as well with telling you about these things too. I would sit down with the ex myself and give him the ground rules for being around your home and family,with NO exceptions. Good luck
2006-11-16 05:24:23 · answer #4 · answered by grbarnaba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's an uncomfortable situation for you and your wife has to understand that. The ex needs to back out. He should be ablet o pick up the kdis and leave nothing more or less. If she lets him int he house like that- he's gonna think he has a chance- you need to stand up and put your foot down that this guy can mean serious problems for you and her. If she insists in letting him in- your marriage won't last because you will give opportunity for them to "do stuff"
2006-11-16 05:08:23 · answer #5 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not being unfair. You have every right to be upset. Her ex should not be hanging out at your house, unless you both agree on it. She needs to respect this. If she doesn't, then maybe she does still have one foot in that relationship. You need to put YOUR foot down on this.
2006-11-16 05:07:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that it is important for the children to know that all their parents can get along. As you said...birthdays and such. But, when one crosses a line (such as trying for a kiss) that shuts the door on being one large family. You are better off just sticking to the basics.....Tell him to keep his motor running when picking up the kids.
2006-11-16 05:19:34 · answer #7 · answered by Lori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife needs to be put into check over her ex!!!!! HE doesn't need to be at your house. She really needs to understand that! Unfortunately, your wife doesn't want to get a clue that this is bothering the family relationship, plus this guy is playing upon her emotions.Your wife needs to grow up on this issue. I myself, am a single divorce mother and I wouldn't let this type of disrespect happen. My hat goes off to you because you've accepted her kids as your own. She needs to appreciate that and leave that ex of hers alone. Why did they break up in the first place? Memory lane is all so sweet after the break up, so why can't we truly remember how it ended in the first darn place? YOU ARE NOT BEING UNFAIR AT ALL IN THIS SITUATION, YOUR SO CALLED WIFE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holla!
2006-11-16 06:46:06 · answer #8 · answered by twilight1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being unfair. You are being the man of the house! Heck no her ex can't come in the house and for what? Their only reason for even talking to each other should be about the kids.
It is downright disrespectful to you for him to make passes at her - you better put your foot down and tell her that you deserve to be respected just as she expects you to respect her.
Start being "friends" with your ex and see how she goes off the deep end! (I meant that hypothetically - revenge is not the answer)
2006-11-16 05:10:56 · answer #9 · answered by Evoljz_Girl 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are completely right in this. He dosent need to be hanging around your house at all. Tell your wife to have more respect for you in this and make scheduled time for you all the drop off the kids at his house and pick them up from his house.
2006-11-16 05:11:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋