this will be my last question.intended for those of you out there who have been throught something like this.I have been married 14yrs I'm 32 and my wife is 33.we are still married and she is up north living with her parents but coming home soon or so she says.I found out she is having an affair with some guy in his twenties who lives with mommy and seems to be whispering candy in her ear.I'v givin her affection support and never abused her in anyway.we have a house together and 2 beautiful children together ,a daughter 12 and son 6 who she has taken with her to see her secret love,thats a big no,no dont we all agree?any way she can't seem to make up her mind at times about wether she is coming or staying up there,maybe because this guy has no foundation and is supposedly going through a divorce.she does suffer from deppresion and drinks alot.can I save my marriage,I want to,remember we have 14 yrs history together and I do not want to start all over agian.I want to grow old with them
2006-11-16 04:52:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Deja Vu!?!?!?
My dh suffers from depression, (yet refuses to take meds the doctor prescribed), and alcoholism runs (more like gallops) in his family, but still he denies HE has a problem.
He decided after many good ears, that he just wanted out! No reason,..... he refused to attend counselling, and "marriage counselling" takes both partners attending.
Kids and I let him know he was loved, valuable and that we all wanted him to stay. He just refused to take meds, got into hiding his drinking, and had an affair and moved out.
I learned the hard way, but any 12-step program (AA, etc) will tell you that the first step is for the person to admit that he/she has a problem. Until they admit that, and decide that they WANT to change,..... there is no-one that can MAKE them change.
Your wife seems to be just as confused. She's got to decide what she wants first. Then, and only then, can you guys try to fix it up.
For the sake of your kids and the marriage, I hope she gets medical supervision for the depression and gets off the booze. Booze and depression are a BAD combination.
2006-11-16 05:24:02 · answer #1 · answered by bc_is_the_place_to_be 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you are going through this but she is having an affair with another guy. Instead of working things out with you and coming home she has another man in her life that she is emotional and physical with I am sorry but I dont have any respect for your wife. Thirteen years is a long time to be married do you really want to be with this woman who is cheating on you and pretty much building a new life without you while your both still married. You are agood man she doesnt deserve you she either needs to call it of with this other guy or end your marriage. It takes a good loving man to want to take a woman back after this but if she does come back you need to straighten out more things with her besides her affair you both need to get her help for depression and for her drinking. I am sure you are hurting right now i cant imagine what you are going through you just need to listen to your heart do you really want to make things work after she done this to you? is she worth fighting for? I hope things work out for the best but if not I hope you live the next 13+ years as a happier man with someone you can give your heart to and wont walk all over it.
2006-11-16 05:11:35 · answer #2 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sooo sorry you're going through this. You can't save your marriage alone and your wife is being extremely selfish, self-centered and ignorant towards your and your childrens feelings. I'd give her a choice...commit to the marriage (she obviously needs counselling) or tell her you're taking the kids and she's free to move on. You deserve to be loved and are worthy of being loved. I understand not wating to start over & your history but unfortunately it takes 2. Good luck with this and I hope it works out for you.
2006-11-16 05:51:09 · answer #3 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Hh72O
2015-01-28 12:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from experience.. She will not know what she wants until its too late. My husband is the same way.. we are going to divorce... Sometimes people don't know what they have until they have lost it. It has been a year since he cheated on me.. and things have gotten progressively worse. I am 25 and have been with my husband since I was 16. I don't know how to start all over.. but I am going to start by focusing on me and my kids. Heal yourself! As for her bringing your kids to her lover... I suggest you get custody of them! They dont need this. It will mess them up! Good luck hon!
2006-11-16 05:45:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you get married you are locking a knot sort of speak and we will change in our facial and physical appeareance. Our way of thinking may change after or before children involved as well.
Marriage is an instituiopn of love guided heart felt completion bewteen two people and when one is fickled about what they want or where they are going or I may not be in love like I thought, this will happen and when it does....BANG your in for more shots than Bonanza or The Rifleman.
In order to pave the way...you muyst have ears and listen to your significant other for what they want in life and what they expect in life and then do your best to give it to her. That is what marriage and love does to a Man and when she is the Angel of your dreams...you should not have a problem keeping her hap[py unless you have found her unfavorable in bed and that is the Crash & Burn
2006-11-16 05:09:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Let her go!!!!! By taking the children to see her lover she is displaying signs of wanton disregard for her actions. I can't imagine how pissed your little girl must have been and confused and HURT!!!!
She is NOT to come back until she decides she is in this marriage. Its not fair to you or the kids. Let her visit her children whenever BUT they are not to be around the lover UNTIL you officially decide what to do...it cannot be their problem.
I hope she decides to stay but for YOUR sanity and your kids future view of healthy relationships, the back and forth HAS TO STOP. You cannot force her to love you but she MUST respect that you and your chidren require calm and the coming and going hinders this...!!!
I know its hard, but you need to worry about your babies 1st, yourselfe 2nd and her 3rd.
2006-11-16 05:12:44 · answer #7 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't MAKE her be happy with you, but you can stop letting her use you. If you put up with her behavior, she'll continue. You need to be a man and draw the line...if she crosses it she should live with the consequences. She can't have her cake and eat it too. It might hurt, but you need to move on and find someone who'll love you like a wife should love her husband.
2006-11-16 05:00:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It going to take both of you to save this marriage, it's good that you want to. You just have to see if she is wiling to work on it also.
2006-11-16 04:57:26 · answer #9 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This ebook might help you to understand what's wrong in your relationship and It also teaches what to do to try saving your marriage http://savemarriage.toptips.org
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2014-09-25 22:08:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋