Am I Mature Enough to Have a Baby?

Question

My best friend & I have been friends for 8 yrs. She just turned 21 & I am less than 2 mos. away from turning 21. My boyfriend is 35. She got pregnant when she was 18. When I mentioned that my boyfriend & I wanted to have a baby she told me she didn't think I was mature enough for the responsibilities.

I found out that she had a 41 minute phone conversation with my boyfriend behind my back & told him that I was inmature & he shouldn't be trying to get me pregnant, trying to change his mind.
I have been independent since I was 16 years old. I have held the same job for almost 3 years. I have a brand new house, a new car. I am financially stable. I've never had the responsibility to care for a child, so one would say I am the "wild" type. I'll admit that I love to party/drink. I understand that once I become pregnant, I won't be able to do those things anymore. I just don't understand how I would be considered as inmature? Do you think that I seem mature enough to have a baby

We are planning on getting married in year.
He thinks I am ready and he is all about it.
I understand that it is big responsibility, but I want to be young for my child, I want to have the energy to play, take him places etc... I also do not see how it would be inmature to ask a question like this, I am just trying to get a stranger's point of view. I do see how my best friend is looking out for me, but wasn't her telling me enough? No, she had to go behind my back and try to talk him out it. Everyone's situation is different, she may not have been mature when she got pregnant. We are actually planning this, it's not going to happen by accident, like the majority of early pregnancies...

BIG DETAIL...
I DO NOT DEPEND ON MY MAN TO PAY FOR ANYTHING.
I don't need to, like I said I am independent... I support myself. Just wanted to throw that out there.
Also, on the marriage thing. I think it's an awesome idea; however, I really don't think people should wear rings to prove they love eachother. I have no problem being secure with a person with out a piece of paper to prove it, I call it feelings, connections... may REAL love.

Answer 1

well you honestly dont need to be married just to have a baby....like your saying you dont need to have rings to show that you love one another..my cousins were together for about 2 years before they had their first kid together...shes now 4...& hes GF had a child before him too...she wants to get married but he thinks hes still too young & she knows he loves her (even though he has the WORST temper problems EVER)...the only think you need to figure out is if you plan to stay with this guy forever....just because you like to party doesnt mean anything...as long as you dont drink or smoke or do drugs while your pregnant you should be find & if you think having a child is right for you & the time is right then you should do it...there are classes you can take to show you how to mother a baby & to raise a child...most people took some courses in high school....but there are alot of adult classes to help you through...i think you should educate yourself first & then decide if your still ready...

Answer 2

Ill say the same as many have already said. If you are still playing "behind the back", "he said, she said" games at your age you aren't ready for anything.

Many believe (including me) that marriage is the first step to a family, to each his own, but think about this...

If your boyfriend can't commit himself to a relationship with you (ie. marriage), what do you think will make him commit to being a father to a child?

There seems to be some forgotten logic in society today!

Then we can start on the fact that he is talking about you with your "friend" behind your back about something that he has no reason to be talking to her about! Is he fathering her child?

You may be able to work and pay the bills, and afford things, which I must commend you on, but that doesn't mean that you are ready to be a parent. It is not a part-time, at-your-convenience job.
I have a 15yr old son and a 7 yr old daughter.
I'm 36, wife is 28, we get stressed the f uck out over the kids and all that invloves them sometimes. Especially this time of year with Xmas and gifts and school break etc.

The fact that you even asked your question should be the biggest indicator of whether or not you are ready. You will know when you are.

Hopefully you have a different boyfriend (a husband would be a wise choice) and a different set of friends when you think you are ready. You will have your hands full enough being a mom without having to deal with immature adult drama caused by boyfriends and so called "friends" who plainly cannot be trusted when you aren't looking.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like she is incredibly immature. What kind of friend would talk to your boyfriend about you behind your back like that? (Actually--why did your boyfriend participate in this? I'd be really concerned about that.) It's impossible to tell from the little we know about you whether or not you're mature enough to be a parent. It sounds like you're doing pretty well for yourself, being as young as you are and being financially stable. Not many 21 year olds have their own house. My advice as a mother of 2 would be to wait a little while longer and get married first. Your 20's can be the absolute best years of your life. I had so much fun through those years, and I can't tell you how glad I am that I waited to have my kids until I was in my 30's. I have such good memories that I made during that time doing things that I would never have had the chance to do if I'd been saddled down with children. Anyway, that's just my personal experience. You need to do what's right for YOU.

Answer 4

It sounds like your friend is trying to help you benefit from her experience of being pregnant at 18. Talk to her and ask her to explain what she means. Ask her what was hard for her. What would she have done differently.

I think your friend had to mature in a hurry when her baby came and she wants you to continue to have some fun without responsibilities for a while.

She probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings and doesn't see it the way you do. Having a child can turn parts of you "old" overnight.

There's also the fact that you and your 35 year old boyfriend aren't married. A legal, public commitment to each other is a good thing to have before you create a human being that you will have to take care of for the next 18+++ years.

By the way, if she was trying to convince your boyfriend to NOT get you pregnant then I'm guessing she is worried that he is pressuring you.

If she truly is your best friend, talk to her and listen. I bet she loves you and is trying to save you some pain.

And you should also ask yourself, why not wait? You can have the baby at 22 or 23???

Answer 5

well maturity doesnt just happen by when you do get pregnant then you will stop you should be nurturing your body before you become pregnant having a baby isnt all that fun unless you are both ready a child requires alot of attention from the start of birth until after 21 sometimes i personally feel like you are to young for a child having material things dont make you responsible LOVE will make you responsible try to get a pet 1st & see how much you can care for that pet a child is not something you have then say oh im tired of being responsible i want to go back & party not saying that you can do that to a pet but its a big difference. as for your ''so call'' bestfriend she needs to be dismissed out of your life there are certain guide lines you dont cross when bestfriends & talking to the b/f behind your back is a NO NO sounds like she may be jealous of you & your relationship that conversation should have been held when the 3 of you were together are all on the phone gl

Answer 6

There are ALOT of things that you can't do!! I don't think that your friend is looking out for you but not wanting you to have the joy that she is experiencing with her baby..If you feel like you are ready (not always about money and material things) then yah do it..But I am only 19 and had my baby in June, have a house, 2003 car, job, fiance and it was the HARDEST thing i have ever had to deal with in my entire life! my mom moved to another city in the same province when i was 15..I lived with my fiance and his parents until we were 18 then we got a house..I guess I can say I am in the same boat as you! You need to understand that a baby is a full time job 24/7 no matter if you need to sleep, eat or go to the bathroom..that baby is your number 1 priority!! You cant go out all the time, no movies, no concerts, no sleep for a loooong time, pain after you give birth and if you get the baby blues like me (that was the hardest part) you are going to need someone to lean on! By the way it sounds yes I think you are mature enough but I am only telling you the things that nobody told me! People are gonna be there for you but not 24/7.....I just know how hard it was and still is for me and I just wanna give you an idea of what I am going through...Any questions leave a comment and I'll give you my e-mail and remember you CANT return a baby to the store!! LOL Good luck hun just think it over ALOT

Answer 7

I feel like u are old enough to know the consequences of bringing a life in this world i think that if u feel u r ready and mature then u r only u can tell u that. obviously if u r asking this question 2 people who don't know u then u r not sure yourself, the only way u will find out is when the baby gets here then ask yourself if u are mature enough. Of course he's cool with it he is old and ready. Older men want kids. Good luck my opinion is if u r not mature enough u'll get there once the baby gets her and plus ur boyfriend is mature enough so don't stress it u'll be fine,

Answer 8

Before you start thinking about having a baby how about thinking of getting married and making a serious commitment? I don't know why or when it became acceptable for young women to get pregnant before they have a husband. Now I know it is 2006, and there is no crime in being single and having a baby, but if you have been with your "boy friend" long enough to think of starting a family why don't you make it "real" and get married first?

Get married..have fun, work hard and when you and your husband are ready have a baby or two...make your own family at your own pace...your children deserve to have a real Daddy not just Mommy's "boy friend".

Being on your own since you were 16 was probably very hard and it sounds like you really have things together...keep up the great work, you should be very proud of yourself and your accomplishments! Don't get pregnant with your "boyfriend" just because someone else called you immature...

Answer 9

If you are mature enough you wouldn't have to even ask this question. You'd just ignore what people say and continue living life and not be worried about what others think. I didn't mean that in a bad way either, I'm just trying to shed some light. By the way I also think your friend is mature for even calling your boyfriend and having that conversation, that's so high school.

Answer 10

You may be mature enough, but until you become a parent you do not realize how many sacrifices you will have to make. Parenting is also not just have a child around to do fun things with. It is a HUGE responsibility. You are creating a person which is not an easy task and there is no pause button. It's work constantly everyday. You need to think and be married before you think about having children.