Should I stay or leave?

Question

I have been with my loved one for 3 years now and have 2 beautiful kids. They are under the age of 2 and I think that it is crowding him. He is not the same any more with me, I try to do everything that I can for him but he still yells and treats me unfair. He leaves whenever he feels like it and leaves me with the kids an does not come back for days. When I ask him where he goes he just yells at me and tells me to leave him alone. He has put his hands on me and tells me he cant stand me. I have lost my friends and is always telling me I am dumb and when I tell him to help me with the kids he tells me no and that it is my problem and that i should have never had kids. I do everything for my kids from getting them ready to go to daycare to picking them up, even when he does not work or gets out early. Please advise.

Answer 1

Hi dear.. I know whats going thru u'r life.. I can understand u'r pain.. I shud say at this moment that.. what ever decision you make at this point is going to cost you much.. you r left with choices.. either continue to suffer like this.. or go out and face the world alone..

What do you feel more difficult?

Just try to ask him what's the actual problem.. when he's very calm. Try to find his mind.. and make a good decision.. together..
Also think about u'r kids.. u may need help in raising them up.. 'coz they are really little ones..

Just know this "When life pushes you down.. push back.. Let the difficulties in life know that you are more difficult.. and face every thing with that smile.. "

I know nothing's easy.. but if we intend and try.. we can do anything under the sun.. and belive in God! He'll bring the real happiness to you oneday..

Cheers..

K

:-)

Answer 2

You have low self esteem, and he plays on that. You may feel like you don't want to be lonely or alone......but in reality, you already are. Having a bad relationship is not better than having none at all, especially if that bad relationship tears you down.

Deep down, you know the answer to your own question. You know you should leave, or tell him to never come back. You are just afraid to. You feel you can't do better, you feel that you don't want to be alone, you may feel no one will love you the way you think that man loves you, even though he really doesn't. Not the way he should be loving you, atleast.

Think of your children. Don't allow for their only education on relationships and how they should treat that special someone, or be treated by that special someone (when they become older) to be what is seen right now in your household, otherwise, your kids will be doomed to repeat the mistakes they watch the both of you make. Better they see mom standing up and commanding respect she deserves as a woman, and learning contentment, and that it is better to be alone than be in a relationship of hurt, disrespect, and God knows what else.

Think it over.

Answer 3

File for a divorce. It's not worth it. You don't want your kids growing up in an environment like that. Think of your kids for a minute while answering a couple of questions:

What happens if he starts with your children next?

Do you know what kind of an effect it could have on children of all ages?

How are you going to take care of your kids if you're in the hospital for something he did to you?


You need to take care of yourself before you can care for your children. Therefore, get out of the relationship before it gets worse. once it starts it don't stop. Even if you leave and he says that he will change. In most cases they don't change. But before you file for divorce get a lawyer, start gathering PASCAL evidence of verbal, most of all physical abuse. take pictures if he leaves bruises even the smallest bruise.Take pictures and video recordings. If you think that he will try to hurt your kids, even if yells at them in an inappropriate manner. You can use the evidence to fight for custody for your children. I really hope you can get through this. And I pray for you to make the right decisions. These situations are very hard. I should know I've been there. Good luck

Answer 4

As hard and painful as this is to hear honey it is time to move on. Start now putting money in a savings account in only your name. Get suppost from groups in you city from AA to family. It is time to get out of this relationship before he hits you or the baby's. If you are not married then at least there is no divorce if you are they make some calls to lawyers about your rights and the right way to go about it in your state. If you are afraid awhat he might do when he finds out you have had enough of a love less relationship go to the police and have put it on a file that you are fearfull of him and what he may do. It will be on file if the need arises, sometimes the police will have an advice preson there to speak too. Good Luck honey but do yourself and kids a favor and GET THE HECK out NOW.

Answer 5

Your "loved one" does not deserve that name. He doesn't love you. He is just using you.
I'll never understand why women get themselves into these situations. What ever happened to getting married, buying a house and then starting a family.
Stop being a door mat. Start making your plans, saving money etc. When you have everything in order, leave him. Take him to court for child support.
Next time you start a relationship, make sure that they treat you like you deserve to be treated. Don't let anyone, male or female, walk over you like that.
I'm a woman, married 32 years and my husband would never talk to me the way that he talks to you. I would be out the door so fast he wouldn't know what hit him.

Answer 6

Crowding him? Oh, how sad! This person, I cannot say "man" is not interested in his children's well being. He is not interested in your happiness or well being, leaves you for days, yells at you and tells you to leave him alone. Give the guy what he wants. Leave him alone - strictly alone. Don't tell yourself if I leave he will see how much he misses me and beg me to come back and treat me well. FACE FACTS. He does not treat you like someone who loves you, because he DOES NOT LOVE YOU. It might be understandable that he does not love you because we cannot make ourselves love someone, but how can you have any respect for someone who does not love his own children. When you are a good, attentive and lovin mother, how can you possibly want to be with someone who obviously does not love your children together. This man is bad news. Go! Get Out! Stay with friends! Stay with family! Go to a shelter! Do anything! But, don't do NOTHING! Doing nothing jeopardizes your health, your mental well being and your sanity - to say nothing of your life. Do you want your children to grow up with a dumb mother who is constantly sporting a black eye, miserable because she is mistreated and passing on that abusive behavior to them. That is what happens in these situations.

Move out and move on. If you have lost friends because of him, perhaps you would find them again if they knew that you wanted to leave him and needed help.

Good luck to you. You are not stupid for having kids. Most of us do have children. Those of us that are especially smart do it with other people who equally care about having children and are willing to help support and raise those children. Some of us are not so smart about having them with the right person, but we get that way after having to take care of the children alone. You can make it and have peace in your home without this man. Good advice: Don't go out and find another just like him! Many women do.

Answer 7

You can do bad all by you damn self. IF he has put you hands on you you need to get out now for the kids sake. What good is a Dead mother going to do them. You deserve to be happy and obviously he not doing that so move on. You have to teach your kids to be strong especially if you have daughters, don't teach them that this kind of behavior is acceptable from a man.

Answer 8

You have not said if you are married. It sounds as if you are not.

He is doing everything he can to push you away - he wants you to leave. Another woman, definitely. He wants you to get out without his having any responsibility for the children.

He thinks you are dumb - you can prove him different!

If you never married legally, are you considered to be common-law married? See an attorney. Would it help your case for alimony and child support to attend a marriage/relationship counselor? Do you need to hire a private detective to have proof of an affair?

You need to get out of this without your kids suffering for the rest of their lives. I would consult an attorney right away. Don't leave until you are prepared. I would play dumb for a little while while working in the background to prepare for the legal battles ahead.

Answer 9

i think you should leave him there is no reason he should put his hands on u and not want 2 take care of his kids.if he had a problem with kids he should have let u know about it.sounds like he has some problems that he has 2 deal with b4 persuing your relationship that needs fixing.your kids dont need to see that,even though kids are small its not like they dont understand certain behaviors.i think u r strong enough to make on your own and let him see that you could have a life without him,and his kids r doing very well.goodluck!

Answer 10

That is the kind of thing im scared of but my advice get him in a good mood and try to talk very calmly to him and tell him that u love him and want things to work but the way he treats u is **** if that doesn't work then maybee u should try to leave him for a little while and go to a friemds house or family members house. maybee then he will see that he cares about u and doesn'e want to lose u.