I have been in a serious realtionship with a woman for about 8 months now. She has been separated from her husband for quite some time (3-4 years). They have not gone through with an official divorce yet for a few reasons (some related to children and some financial).
Our relationship has gotten quite serious and we would like to get engaged in the near future, but I have also been saying "I'm not going to get engaged to you until the divorce is final". It just doesn't feel right getting engaged to someone who is STILL legally married.
This was not a big deal until a recent meeting with a lawyer has her now thinking the divorce would be another 20-21 months at which point we will have been dating for over 2 1/2 years. When the divorce was only 3-4 months away, my view of waiting to get engaged seemed reasonable..Now it's leading to tension..
Am I being ridiculous here?? Is it OK to get engaged to someone still legally married??
2006-11-16 03:45:24 · 15 answers · asked by ajmebay37 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stick by your guns son exuses to not get a divorce should tell you something
2006-11-16 03:52:21 · answer #1 · answered by bigdogrex 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You may not like this answer but here it is.
The real question you need to ask is why is it taking so long to get a divorce? I am in the state of Missouri and divorce usually goes anywhere from 3 months to a year depending on circumstance. Is your married girlfriend really pushing for the divorce?? You are getting your information from her and I am sorry, I just don't believe that the facts you are stating suggest that she really wants a divorce. Seems like she is getting everything she wants from you and still holding on to the finances and the benefits from the "soon to be ex". Do some investigation and find out why a divorce where you are at would take so much time. Then take her out to dinner and simply ask her what the deal is based on the facts that you have. Let her know that you are concerned because the amount of time you have invested in her is more than enough "engagement" and that you need real answers for YOUR FUTURE. By the way going to dinner is a way to keep as you say any tension down to a minimum.
Good Luck and I hope you get the answers you deserve.
2006-11-16 04:33:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you can't get engaged to a married woman! It's just not right. Help her as much as you can to get her divorce finalized. My parents got divorced when I was 9 and they told us kids they were getting divorced in November and their divorce was finalized on May 15. My mom met and married a guy (that she didn't date) on July 2 of the same year of the divorce. Try to help speed up the process of divorce if you can. What is the difference of being engaged if you aren't going to marry her until she is divorced. Anyway good luck. Michelle
2006-11-16 04:11:13 · answer #3 · answered by Shell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your frustration with the situation. While she is still legally married, you are feeling as if you are in limbo. I wonder, if in light of your 2 1/2 year relationship that you might not be able to have divorce proceedings accelerated. Seems unusual that you would have to wait another year and a half. Why not contact another attorney. In the meantime, sure, why not get engaged. It will be a nice thing and something that will solidify your relationship as you anticipate and plan your own wedding. Good luck to you.
2006-11-16 03:50:42 · answer #4 · answered by Jo 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No. You could cause her serious issues in her divorce.
Being engaged is only a state of mind in this day and age. If she is with you, that should be enough.
There is a lovely old fashioned custom called a "promise" ring. Perhaps you could give her one of those with a promise to marry you when her divorce is final.
2006-11-16 03:50:21 · answer #5 · answered by kramerdnewf 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well, no. But i wouldn't be dating a person that was legally married either. It's just one of those things. BUT since you are, why not? an engagement is just a statement of promise to be married as soon as one is able (though it does seem weird to be planning a wedding and a divorce at the same time).
2006-11-16 03:49:12 · answer #6 · answered by smm 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't understand why she wants to be engaged so soon, I don't think that you are being ridiculous, I think that you are right to want to wait. I wouldn't want to be engaged to someone who is still married to someone else. Its just wrong and unethical. I would suggest that you wait and in the mean while, maybe live together and do things like married couples do. You don't have to be engaged to be committed. Good Luck
2006-11-16 03:53:30 · answer #7 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO, now adays there is no reason to not go through a divorce. If both parties agree it does not cost that much. Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it to. If she was REALLY serious about you then the divorce would have already happened, you would already be married to her. I think you need to have a heart to heart with her and find out if this relationship is a seriour for her as it is for you. Sounds like it is not. You may need to move on, sorry bud.
2006-11-16 03:56:22 · answer #8 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No. My boyfriend has asked me to marry him, and is really wanting to buy my ring. I have not even had my first hearing about the divorce.
It is ridiculous to me to even discuss or imagine it until my current marriage is over. I do not think you are being unreasonable. Let the previos situation come to an end before engaging her .
2006-11-16 03:50:29 · answer #9 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to tell her, I'm trying to take our relationship to the next level, If you want to be with me you need to get a divorce because you don't separate with a person with no intentions to get back together and still stay married to them.
2006-11-16 03:57:12 · answer #10 · answered by Spicy chick like hot sauce 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋