A question for the women in regards to separted/divorced men??

Question

What are your considerations when it comes to dating a separated (heading for divorced) or a divorced man? I am currently separated (11 months) and heading for divorce. I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage some of which I have done counseling for and the goal is to be the best man I can be. I just recently started to try to make friends but not trying to move to fast while in the divorce process.

What I have experienced is women who don't want a man with more than 1 kid (I have 4 who are loved and well taken care of). I've run into the "players" who want as many men around them as possible. I don't have time for that. Etc. Etc. My point is that I would like to know what it is women look at when you encounter someone such as myself.

Answer 1

personaly for me, the kids wouldnt be too much of an issue because i have dated a man with kids before and i dont have any myself...the issue would be the fact that ur SEPERATED and not yet DIVORCED...that sends up a red flag because so many men claim to be "about to get a divorce" and it never happens

Answer 2

I try to stay away from men that are currently going thru a divorce. I feel that most people need to close/complete one aspect of their life, before starting another. I also do not want to get attached to someone that could possibly end back up with their wife. That is just leaving myself too wide open for heartache. As far as your kids, again yes that would make me double check, but if I were really into the guy I would not care how many kids he has. So let that be the back end of your concerns. I also look at why the guy got divorced as why someone else didn't want them is either something I wouldn't want or don't care. Of which that is when I make the choice. Look I've dated 2 different men at different times that were going through a divorce and this is what I ran into each time. The first the guy was a player and the second wife left because he didn't work hardly at all. So these are things that I couldn't wouldn't want in a bf, now granted I found these things out for myself, I didn't just take the exes word for it or rumor as one of them was, but I kept it in mind and found it out quickly before my heart was too into it. Point is don't bring up why your marriage broke up too quickly and if and when you do, let them also know that you saw your flaws and got counseling for it. I would appreciate that and then would be less able to shy away. Give yourself some time and just try to have fun, find yourself again. I know that sounds like a cleshay but it really does work. I am much happier now not dating anyone and I also know when that someone comes along I will be more open to having a healthy relationship. Good luck to you!!!

Answer 3

Maybe you need to focus on what type of woman you are persuing. There are many women out there who would not want a man with 4 kids due to the child support payments he would be making. Other factors are the fact that you needed counseling after exiting your marriage. Women in general would be very offset by that. You have to ask yourself how you are presenting yourself as well. If you truely are taking your time, then you make friends first and not cross any lines of that. You need to get to know these women so you can make a judgement for yourself as to what they want. Be careful because there are many women out there who do not want to take on the role of step-mother either. Just use your head and don't try too hard. Once you get past all the bullcrap then you will see what she is like deep down inside. Good luck and GOD bless.

Answer 4

Well, I would say that there are women that do not take the man's status into account. But however, as a woman, I would want that person divorced completely before any considerations at all. Far as with the kids, it will probably be a woman that have children herself. Most of the time people that get divorced, had a a family already tend to get together. But it is possible.My best friend dated a guy that had just gotten divorced, and had 4 kids. She doesn't have any.But he did things for her that other men didn't do-romantic things. If you keep trying with a woman, show her you are serious, and do things she have never had done for her, is respectful-you are good.

Answer 5

First of all I would not date a man who is seperated. It's important to not only allow time to finalize the decision and see what that brings, including finances.
The line you are getting on the "not more than one kid" references what I just said about finances where child support may be an issue.

Leave the players alone. They have cheating issues.

As a prospective dating partner I would want to know what caused your marriage to fail. I would evaluate that and the fact of your taking responsiblity by going to counseling, and then decide if I can deal with those issues or not.

I hope this gives you a good perspective on what you are up against.

Wishing you all the best.

Answer 6

What most women look for is what is the status of the last relationship. Are you on totally child focused status, meaning there is NO communication except as it pertains to the kids......or are you always on the phone, hanging out, and do you get up and go over there at her beckon call.

Having that many children (which isn't that bad cause I have that many also) but realistically, having that many kids, means that you two once enjoyed each other, and had/have a strong tie to each other because of the children produced from your relationship.

It won't be a problem unless you aren't completely resolved with your soon to be exwife. And with the responsibilities you have, you will definetely have to make time for this new woman, and you will have to show her that you are ready for her and that kind of position in your life. You have alot of interests here, make sure you have the time and attention to attend to them all.

Answer 7

lots of every person's perspectives on gender equality are going to go back from their custom. In my personal classic custom, and my faith, females and adult males are certainly thoroughly equivalent. There are literally not any particular gender roles outside those dictated through user-friendly biology. each and each and every member of the loved ones does the interest and takes the placement for which they are ideal ideal. that is the reason now and again they are going to discover an extremely previous grave and there'll be a lady buried there surrounded through all of her guns and her husband buried at her ft inclusive of his stitching equipment. In such circumstances the lady replaced into the better service, so she provided for her family individuals even as her husband stayed living house and cared for the farm, farm animals, any children and kept order contained in the mandatory supplies. it is such issues as this, blended with my custom and the overall fierceness of the womenfolk in my personal family individuals, that make me experience that females and adult males are certainly equivalent. although, each and each and every individual's strengths and weaknesses could be taken under consideration and they could do in spite of that's that they are ideal at extremely than only fall back on both stereotypical gender roles or maybe push for an equality that would not exist in circumstances the position one major different is really a lot weaker than the different.

Answer 8

I would look at who you are now. Not your past. If am atracted I will want to get to know you. You sound shy. Is ok. You will find who you are looking for. Give yourself time . Been there done this. Have fun and be yourself. You sound like a good person.

Answer 9

Why if you went through counseling is a changes man, why couldn't you work things out with your wife. People make mistakes and i am sure you could work it out. Also that would be a fair to children as you could be. Your children need their mother and their father. I hope you thought about that! Good luck and please try to work it out with your wife.

Answer 10

woman look at money and what their responsibility will be
w 4 kids, you better have a pile of money!
Sorry ladies, I learned from experience