My wife had an affair; first it started emotional then turned physical then turned into a big mess. She claims she got caught up in the moment and stopped thinking about the family and was acting selfishly for a few months. I am also man enough to say I can take fault for particular things, but by no means condone or justify what she did to me and our family. To start off with we became partially detached for a while we worked different shifts, only seen each other for an hour or two a day, the times we did spend together I was buried in books trying to finish my degree, and due to financial constraints we rarely got to go out. With that being said I always remained faithful and committed to our marriage. I am very conflicted because I still have feelings for her and she still says she loves me, but this is very hard to deal with. We also have a daughter together she is seven. If that was all of the story I probably would still be at the house now working on the marriage, but as they say the plot thickens… She is pregnant and most likely it is not mine. I feel like I am so helpless right now, I cant seem to make a decision either way. I want to remain a family, but will it ever be my family again? Will I ever be able to be happy raising something that is not mine? Will I ever be able to fully love my wife again? Will I ever get over the fear of her cheating again? I am so weak right now and cant seem to find the answers.
2006-11-16 02:43:40 · 17 answers · asked by cheeks230 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my dad went through this just not the pregnancy part. He left his wife and moved on because that was what everyone was telling him to do. My dad now looks back and he told me that what adivse he would give any of his children that were in his place would be to, work it out. Don't give up to earliy. He said it felt like he took 15 yrs of his life and took all the pictures and memorys and through them all in the garbage. That would mean I would work it out and get through this, together. Forgiveness! Good luck and hope everything works out for you.
2006-11-16 03:27:59 · answer #1 · answered by mamato5Boys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer lies within you, but here's something to think about.
First, know that you CAN get past this. But, to do so, you'll need to sit down and have a serious face-to-face with her. You need to get it all out and on the table. All the bad feelings, concerns, worries, trust issues - Everything. If both of you are willing to commit to each other and really work at it, you've got a chance.
Here's the hard part. Let's say that all works out and you both give it another shot. Now it's up to you to stand behind your words and NEVER bring it up again. You're agreeing to forgive AND forget, and you have to mean it. You're both starting with a clean slate, from day one, and starting over.
If you're strong enough to truly let bygones be bygones and move forward instead of moving back, this could potentially work. You'll have to be strong enough to raise that child as your own without even thinking about it.
The only reason you'd ever have to bring up the past is if it happens again. If it does, there's no hope for her, and this wasn't a fluke or a one-time thing, but rather a pattern of behavior.
If you're strong, give it a shot...but MEAN what you say and be that REAL man who can give the family 100 percent and never look back. It's not easy, which is why very few guys could ever do it.
Could you?
2006-11-16 05:25:51 · answer #2 · answered by wrdsmth495 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A marriage can survive an affair but only if you want it to. You have to be willing to put the past in the past and that can be something that will be hard to do. Some people believe the saying once a cheat always a cheat but I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. If you are willing to put the affair in the past and make a fresh start it can be done. It will most likely be a long and hard road ahead of you. Good luck in your therapy. Hope that it helps the marriage.
2016-03-28 22:27:45 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya know. Im on the other side of the fence. I was engaged to my sons dad and twice he screwed around behind my back. I forgave him but then we split. Why did I forgive him? Cause he was my sons father. If he was just a regular boy friend I would have kicked him out. Was it the best thing to do? Well NO! Im traditional and old fashioned. I would do almost anything for my family but never again will I subject my self to such a low point in the relationship. If my spouse wants to stick their thing in someone else than good riddens and have a good life. Dont take her back!
2006-11-16 02:47:48 · answer #4 · answered by trinity082482 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry for your situation. The truth is that only you can answer your questions. No one here is going to tell you that it will all work out for you.
If I were in your shoes, I would seriously have a difficult time raising another mans child. I think that the child would be a constant reminder of the infidelity. Do you love your wife and your family enough to get past that?
2006-11-16 02:49:04 · answer #5 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I could get over the affair my wife had. it was her bitchyness that really pissed me off. She acted like she didn't do anything wrong and she had a right to do it. Then she just started complaining about everything. She told a marriage counselor that she'll do what she wants. She wasn't happy and neither was I.
So now she's outa my life, she's STILL not happy but I'M happy!!!!
Yeah, I could have forgiven the affair thingy. If she stopped it.
2006-11-16 02:51:45 · answer #6 · answered by a1tommyL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, I hope my situation does not get to were yours is. I caught my wife in the emotional phase of a relationship. I'm still very upset by this.
I found her just yesterday washing herself for no particular reason. I did a panty sniff and they had the sent of what I'm not sure. They are in a plastic bag along with the wash cloth she used.
I have also snagged the pair she put on AFTER cleaning herself. They will be analyzed for DNA and if hers and another man's are found on them our marriage is OVER. If it hers and another womans then I have a wife and a new girlfriend.
Good luck to you my friend. If the baby she's carrying is not yours bail and get custody of YOUR children. She's proven by her actions she's an unfit mother.
2006-11-16 02:58:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can only if you and your wife are totally committed. You must forgive her and be willing to raise another man's child. She must be totally sorry and receive your forgiveness and never allow another affair to take place. For the sake of your child and the fact you still love each other, you may have a chance but it won't be easy. If she isn't sorry or if you can't forgive her, then it is over
2006-11-16 03:50:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there my man done that for 5 sick years. Reared the kid like my own. This dude gets outta jail 5 yrs later and the whole sick episode resurfaced. Get out now, as sad as it may be, just get out of that mess. You take charge of your life and that of your
7 yr old and if that kid is yours good and well, you can still a Dad
and a damm good one tp both. She will play mind games,send you on guilt trips, promise you the world, play the victim in this. You get OUT. Use wisdom, pray about it. She made her bed, let her sleep in it
2006-11-16 03:39:45 · answer #9 · answered by quinton p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for beter or worse this is a time of testing .my wife cheeted and i raised a blck child i am white and she is white .my little black child is 20 years old and is a cook for a high end restrant in seatle .i love that child as much as any man can love any child .after i found out about her bealings i went wild and f--ed a lot around and told her about it we did not have sex for over a year and then one day i came home and for some reson all was fair and we have never spoken of it .
2006-11-16 02:50:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋