Been married for 5 years, together almost 10. We started out very happy & in love. We have grown apart as some do....have been to counseling about 4 years ago. Both wanted to save the marriage....it seemed to help. But last couple years have been trying & I think it is now getting worse by the day. I love him but am not sure I am in love anymore & it tears me apart inside. He has been my best friend & love him with everything, would do anything for him. Unfortunately I don't feel it from him.Says he loves me but I really have hard time seeing/feeling it anymore.
He walks in front of me, wouldn't notice if I got hit by a car. TV blaring so I can't sleep at night..a lot of disrespect. I feel invisible, useless & ugly. No romance & no intamacy for at least a yr. Teases me like a little sister. I miss what we had but am unsure I want it back which kills me to even think about. Can't imagine being without him but I can't go on like this either.Have told him but he doesn't seem to care.
2006-11-16 02:29:52 · 16 answers · asked by purple 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds to me like, you both have lost your way to each other. You always have to have some spice. Don't give up. What you probably need to do, is something fun, start out dating each other again, and you will soon realize why you both fell in love to start with, and a sexless marriage must be horrible, why no intimacy anymore. You really need that to feel connected. But start dating and doing fun things and working your way back, and as far being in love, you said you love him so what else do you need. You try to make a date, take him somewhere do something FUN, then take him home and seduce him again, and see how things change. You are in the hardest years of marriage also.
2006-11-16 02:38:02 · answer #1 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it would be, maybe try a trial-separation. Make him see what it'd be like without you.
If he's not giving you what you deserve, then its not right for you. You can't change the way you feel and, if you've lost what you think is your love for him, then its over. Counseling was an option but, if its not working there's not a lot else to try, especially if he's not putting any effort in.
You need communication and he's not willing to do any of that. He seems like he's just there physically but not at all mentally. A marriage takes two and it won't be one at all if its just you putting into it.
Maybe a trial separation is what's needed. If he doesn't come around after it and is still acting this way, he's not what you need anymore. Its hard but, it comes down to you or him and you are more important. Above all else, you need to focus on you and what makes you happy.
2006-11-16 10:36:18 · answer #2 · answered by irishgypsy88 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I think a seperation is in order here. And more counseling. If it helped then, it may again.
The seperation isn't a "final" thing, but it will give you both the space to see if it's really even worth trying to save.
If tv is too loud, buy earplugs, or have him put headphones to the tv.
When the romance dies, and there's no intamancy at all...........it's time to think seriously about the choices you have made to be there.
He may say he loves you, but maybe he doesn't even know what love means or know how to love. He's probably one of those men, who have become so accutomed to one straight line of living. And see's no reason to change what he feels comfortable with.
Try a seperation.
2006-11-16 10:43:25 · answer #3 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly hon it sounds like he might be involved with someone else already.. If you truly want to save this marriage go back to the councelor and get some help. Don't take NO for any answer from him unless he flat out tells you he wants OUT... There are unlying issues here that your not able to say or you just don't know about... Find out and talk about them and see what you have to work with.. Don't except the disrespect from someone who is suppose to love you.... Find out what is really going on with him, and do something....
2006-11-16 10:35:00 · answer #4 · answered by tmjf461 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh girl....
A lot of men, husbands are like that. You have to learn to stand for yourself. Otherwise, learn how to be a person, real woman.
It's a hard way, but it's only way to be happy whatever what.
Read information about that everywhere: on the Internet, on TV, books, church...Get active with your life, find what you like to do, go to the fitness-center, meet some new people in your life...
Don't be the victim of life, became a WOMAN.
2006-11-16 10:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound too good..You can start over..But don't feel guilty !!! Tell him what you want and he will either ask you to stay or let you go...I would leave if it were me because he doesn't sound like he is in love with you ..It hurts I know , but you know what ...it's better to get out now and start overthen to wait ten years or so...You said you can't imagine being without him..I have been there before and you know what...You can do it ...I know it doesn't look too good right now but you will see
2006-11-16 10:41:33 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel. Suggest that you do a "refresher course" at marriage counseling. Talk, talk and talk. If he is still your best friend, he may still love you, but men aren't always very good at showing it. Try making a candlelit dinner, and putting on some soft music and seducing him (new nightgown, too). See if you can revive this on your own!
2006-11-16 10:35:06 · answer #7 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to try to save it, do a search for Dr. Mort Fertel. You can get some great online info from him as well as suggestions if you are trying to do it on your own. Otherwise, I think the trial separation is a good idea. Another good source is http://www.retrouvaille.org/home.htm if he is willing to do it with you.
Best wishes to you, cause divorce sucks!!!
2006-11-16 12:23:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really need to tell him this all the feelings you have for him. he needs to know how he makes you feel, then he'll most likely try harder to make you happier, it'll probably make him feel bad because of the way he treats you. try looking really pretty, get all sexied up for nothing. he should be attracted to you again, it might help him seeing guys heads turn. try doing things you've never done before. or maybe doing things you haven't done in a while. he should want to listen to you and pay more attention to you once your together sexualy. JUST MAKE IT HARD FOR HIM TO RESIST!
2006-11-16 10:41:23 · answer #9 · answered by mary s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are there any kids? If not, try separating for a while and stick to it. Being apart will be the barometer that tells you (and him) whether the relationship is worth saving. Good luck
2006-11-16 10:36:02 · answer #10 · answered by Admiral 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋