is my mother interfering in my marraige or im i wrong?

Question

iam 32 years old and i just got married on may 25,2006.
i finally moved out on my own. before i moved out when
my husband and i were dating, when we had a disagreement
my mother seems to know. she would come in the room
and hound me about my business with my husband. i dont
go to my mother with my problems between me and my
mate we always work them out. my mother forces me to
tell her whats going on then she starts jumping to conclusion
and planting negitive thing in my head and i always go back
and confrotnt my husband on account of something my mother
told me when she dosent even know what our situation
or business is because i dont tell her. well i confronted my
husband recently on something she said now he wont speck
to me or have anything to do with me and its hurting me.
i know whats going on between me and my husband my
mother dosent know the truth about our business. but she
always has something negitive to say everytime we have
problems. iam i wrong or is she?

Answer 1

What is between you and your husband should stay between you and your husband. There may be some things that you can forgive him for that your mother would not. The same goes for his family. If you have an issue that you can't resolve, then you need to go to an unbias 3rd party for arbitration. You mother has already proven that she is not an unbias 3rd party. If her efforts are poisoning your relationship, then you must confront her about it. Let her know that unless her goal is to break up your marriage, she isn't helping the cause. If you need her help you will ask, but don't volunteer anything.

All relationships take work. The longer you are single before you get married, the harder it is to compromise and change your ways. It is something that can be done, but some things require more time to change than others. Your mother may have good intentions, but adding gasoline to a fire is not a good way to put it out. Conflict is a flame that burns. It can smolder for a long period of time before it goes out or it can burst in flames and consume all that is around it. It is best to identify the source of the conflict and deal with it before it gets out of hand. What may work for your mother with your dad has no guarantee of working for you with your husband. The bagage that your mom has with your dad is not going to help you. Actions that your father may have learned to shrug off over the years may cut so deep into your husband that he finds it difficult, if not impossible to forgive.

It is time to mend fences with your husband. If it means Thanksgiving dinner with him alone, then do it. In your mind, you may have cut the apron strings between you and your mom, but she has yet to sever the umbilical cord.

Answer 2

You should stop going to your mother when the 2 of you have fights. You said that you don't tell her but certainly she can tell by your actions and demeanor. Your relationship should be between you and your husband only. When you start letting other people get involved in your relationship, you are asking for trouble. You are your Mom's first priority so of course she will be angry if she thinks your husband is mistreating you in some way. That's why if you don't want her involved....stop getting her involved. Talk about other things with your Mom & tell her that you don't want to talk about your husband anymore. You can fix this. Focus on your marriage & work things out together instead of talking to other people about it. I don't blame your husband for being upset...he's getting yelled at by you because of something your mom said. It makes no sense. Work it out as a couple & leave Mom out of it!

Answer 3

WOE!! I've heard of mommy's boy's but not a mommy's girl!

32 before u ever moved out? Geez................you should go seek counseling right now!! IF your mommy has been involved in your life and in the same house this long, you definatly need to learn how to be your own person!!

I feel sorry for your hubby. You need to get hubby talking to you again, and some how rid of the big boil on your butt!! She isn't happy and it doesn't sound like she ever has been. She's too use to you being around and she will have a really hard time to let go!!

She needs counseling too on how to cope without her 32 yr. old baby!!

You and hubby should even move away to a whole new STATE!!

Answer 4

If your mother does not know all the facts, then you need to let her talk, but you need to let it go at that. You should not be confronting your husband on things your mother says if she has only part of the picture or none at all. You said it yourself, she is jumping to conclusions. She is wrong for meddling in your marriage and you are wrong for letting her. You say she "makes" you tell her, but all that really means is that you are allowing her to get things out of you that you say are between you and your husband. Stop giving her anything to talk about and eventually she will stop talking.

Answer 5

Why does your marriage have anything to do with your mother? First you need to make up with your husband. You need to apologize for jumping to conclusions and promise not to involve your mother in your relationship any more. Next, you need to go and see your mother. When she brings up the subject of your husband you need to firmly tell her that she is out of place making comments and you would really appreciate it if she would stop interfering. Tell her that if you want her opinions you will ask for them. If she tries to justify her actions- interupt her and tell her you know that she is just looking out for your best intrests but your a grown-up now and can make decisions and get through marital problems on your own. Then go and tell your husband about the encounter. It'll show him that your on his team and not hers.

Answer 6

Yes, She is interfering. And she is going to cost you your marriage. My Mom isn't like that she just stays out of her kids relationships. And when we do want her to tell us what to do. She tells us that it is our relationship not hers and she will love and support us no matter what happens. But, My Mother in Law. She is just like you say your mom is. And I was were your husband is. And I know I felt like my Husband didn't love me because he wouldn't put a stop to his mothers interference. And by not doing so it almost cost us our marriage. When I had enough I asked for a divorce. I told my husband he was choosing her over me so he could have her I was leaving. Of course, Being put to him that way he put a stop to her. But I should not be put in that position because I felt if he loved and respected me he would have done something about her without having to be asked. You need to do something about her or let him go he doesn't deserve to be made put up with her.

Answer 7

Why in the name of heaven would you do something like that. You say your mother doesn't know anything about your relationship but you let her goad you into damaging your realtionship with your husband. You need to break this unhealthy bond with your mother. see a family therapist who can help you stiffen your spine and learn to stand up to her.

You are both wrong. She is wrong for inteffering and you are wrong for listening to her.

You owe your husband an apology.

Answer 8

Mom doesn't understand she's not #1 anymore. You can still talk to her about your situation if she wants to, just don't necessarily take anything she says seriously, since she doesn't know what's going on.

Sit down with your husband and talk about the affect your mother has on your relationship. It is important that you work this issue out NOW.

Answer 9

Your an adult and she should stay out of your business however you need to be strong and not tell your Mom what is going on in the marriage if you do not want her to know about the problems you and your husband face.

Answer 10

You're both wrong. You tell your mother part of the story leaving things out, and she makes you paranoid. Why do you tell your mother all this stuff anyway? why can't you just pretend to be happy with no problems when you see her? This way you avoid telling your mother anything and don't have stray thoughts planted in your head.