My husband says that I desirve to be abused because any thing I do or say irriteed him. I tried to leave him, but I have three kids and I want to take them with me because I am afraied he will hurt them, but I don't want to have legal trapile, he said that he can take every thing from me even the kids and i will never see them again if I complain about him or ask for divorse.
I don't know what to do....please any advice...please
2006-11-16 01:56:51 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks everybody
but I have no evidance of his abuse i don't know if that will work.
2006-11-17 01:02:13 · update #1
Because I've been in your situation, I'm going to be as honest as possible. Sometimes it's not what you want to hear, and comes off as harsh, but sometimes that's exactly what you NEED to hear.
You love your children, that's obvious. So I'm going to point something out to you. If you stay and don't leave IMMEDIATELY, you are abusing your kids. By allowing them to grow up in a violent atmosphere, this is what you are teaching them.
1. That it's okay for boys to hit girls, as long as they feel they deserve it. Your sons will likely abuse their partners, and your daughters will be drawn to people who will abuse them. You're setting the example they will follow in their lives.
2. That they don't have to show respect for their partners.
3. That their mother didn't protect them when they most needed it.
Please understand I am saying this for your benefit, I wish someone had said it to me when I was in that situation. If you love your children, you have no choice but to grab your kids and run.
Check your phonebook ... look for emergency crisis shelters, womens abuse shelters, a womans crisis hotline. They will help you get out, find a safe place and get help.
2006-11-16 02:01:32 · answer #1 · answered by Jaded 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Contact a womans shelter even if you don't want to stay in one they have the contacts to find you a safe way out. What ever you do get those children out of there. He isn't going to stop. And your first job is to protect your children. And you aren't doing it if you are keeping them there. Even if he doesn't hit them they are suffering the abuse right along with you. You also need to file charges. That way his abusive nature is documented and their is no way the authorities will allow him to abtain custody of the kids.He is only making those threats because he knows it will keep you in line. You can't use the fact that you have 3 kids has an excuse. My sister had 7 kids under the age of 10. And she never worked a day in her life or atleast not outside of the home. She had no formal education she quit school when she got pregnant at 15. She was functionally illeriate and her olny income was a small welfare check and foodstamps. But she got out. unfortunatly for her and one of my nephews it wasn't soon enough my nephew that was 8 at the time can in the room when his dad was beating his mom and his dad hit him and through him into a wall the boy spent the next year in a complete body cast and has perment damage. And unlike today were the cops listen to the woman and arrest the abusers. Back then the cops would take my brother in laws side and tell my sister that it was a family dispute and not their problem. And maybe she sould think about not doing things she knows would make him mad.What I am trying to get across to you is do what you have to do before it is too late but for god sakes get those children someplace safe.
2006-11-16 08:27:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is bull.
You pack some things for yourself and your kids when he's gone to work or whatever and leave. Go to your parents house or a close friend. Explain what is happening. Don't be afraid.
You leave the kids with your parents or friend and you go to the police station. Report the creep. Give a statement. Tell them everything. Physical abuse, Mental abuse. Everything.
Tell them that you fear for the well being of your children and that you want him picked up straight away because you are worried about the kids safety.
Then you go back to your parents house or your friends and you send the son of a bi**h a set of divorce papers.
don't ever let anyone tell you what you can and can't do.
good luck.
ps if there are any bruises or wounds from his abuse take pictures and keep the dates. show them to the police .
You have to do this.
It's the only way to protect your kids and yourself.
2006-11-16 02:07:50 · answer #3 · answered by specs appeal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men who are abusive will do or say anthing to keep their control over you. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have been through the same thing for seven years with my ex-husband. Every little thing I did or said got on his nerves and I would literally have to walk on eggshells whenever he was around. He told me the same lies that yours is telling you. He would take the kids from me or call social services and have them taken from me. I was threatened that he would kill me several times. You need to take your children (if he does it to you, he will do it to them) and leave. If you have no where to go, find the local reach shelter or call the sheriff's office and they should be able to help you find a safe place. File a restraining order against him (this will give you temporary custody of the children & give you rights to your vehicle as well as other items) and stick to your guns! You cannot look back. If you ever go back to him (no matter how much he begs or says that he's changed) you have to stand your ground and move forward. If not for your own sake, do it for your children. If he disrespects you in front of them this will cause some major issues for them that will affect them for the rest of their lives. Trust me my children are 6 and 9. My 9 year old saw a lot and after being divorced for 3 years, I am still having to bring my son to a counselor to resolve his issues of the heart. Dig inside of you sister and muster up that strength to do what's right. This man doesn't deserve a woman like you. Stay strong and e-mail me if you need a friend. God Bless!
2006-11-16 02:14:00 · answer #4 · answered by Christina L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THAT IS JUST AN OLD TRICK HE IS USING!!!!!!! He can not take your kids away from you unless you are the abusive one. Just go to the police, file a restraining order and you will see. He is the one that will not see tem again for sure. Do it for you and our children too. Remember That if they see an abusive way of life as something normal, they're likely to repeat the same pattern later on when they are adults. And i'm sure you don't wan't that for them.............Just get out of the house right now , go to your parents home, any family or friend as well. Call the police inmediatly and live the rerst of your life in peace!!!!!!!!!!! Please, let us all know what you do after all. Just post a question with the details and we will keep helping you. Good luck. I'm sure you will do just fine. BE BRAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-16 02:07:48 · answer #5 · answered by scorpionbeat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one deserves to be "abused", physicall or emotionally. It destroys your self-confidence and sends the wrong message to your children about marriage. If your children grow up in a home like that, they will end up in the same situation. You can't let that happen.
Your husband is the one with the problem, not you. He obviously needs "anger management" classes! He is not an attorney and he doesn't know the law, don't listen to him. He's only trying to "bully" you.
Find the closest "battered women's shelter" and take your kids with you. Go there and they will help you. Go now! Look on-line, in the phone book but find one. Help is out there and you need some now.
You are in my prayers, God bless you and good luck.
2006-11-16 02:38:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to leave, and take the kids with you.
As for his threats about taking everything and preventing you from ever seeing the kids again...FAT CHANCE. He's just being intimidating. Fathers rarely get everything and sole custody and blocked visitation for the mothers. The fact that he's abusive will pretty much guarantee that the will NOT get everything, and he probably will have to have monitored vistation with the kids, if he gets any visitation at all.
Be sure you go to a doctor to have your bruises checked out, and tell him you were hit by your husband. Tell friends too. Your case will be so much stronger if you can prove, through witnesses and a medical record, that he was abusive.
Please, leave right now, and remember that his threats are only a scare tactic to get you to stay.
2006-11-16 02:05:40 · answer #7 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know where you live, but most places have Social Service Agencies. They even have Abuse Hotlines (phone numbers to call if you are abused). Your husband is wrong. He cannot take your children from you if he is abusive. A good lawyer can get him to pay child support so you can raise them yourself without him around. If your bruises show, wait until your husband goes to work and then call an abuse hotine to find out where, in your area, you can take your children and go. There are "safe" houses in your area where you can live until you get the help you need to find a job and get on your own. They'll help you find a lawyer, too. Many lawyers work for free on these types of cases. Your husband is wrong. You do not deserve this kind of treatment. You will be a GOOD mother if you get your children away from him because they are learning that men abuse women and that women feel they deserve it. Let them see you stand up, be strong, and refuse to accept that! God Bless you..
2006-11-16 02:03:44 · answer #8 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all, stop listening to him. He is going to say anything to you to keep you in fear and to remain there. You need to think about your kids. There is no reason they need to see this man abuse you and degrade you. The fact that he is abusing you is reason to leave with your children. You need to either make arrangements with friends, or find a hotel room. You have got to get out of there as fast as you can. The longer you stay, the worse he will be for you leaving. Take you and your children to the police station and file a report stating what he is doing. This is to get something on record so it won't be easy for him to pretend he is father of the year when you go to court. Never allow him to know you are leaving. I had to leave my ex when he was at work. It took me two hours to pack mine and my son's things, but I did it and left and never looked back. Love doesn't leave bruises. Remember that and keep that in mind when you find yourself thinking about the good times. Always remember that man will kill you the first chance he gets and don't you ever think he won't. Good luck and GOD bless you.
2006-11-16 02:06:52 · answer #9 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to make police reports about the abuse. A judge isn't going to leave the kids with a known abuser. You need to leave, but have proof of what he is doing. Other wise it's just your word against his. Have the kids seen it? You need to protect them. Call a womens shelter and go there. You can always start over. Get back on your feet and raise your kids yourself. Good luck
2006-11-16 02:00:36 · answer #10 · answered by Patricia G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋