Why wont my wife sleep in the same bed with me.?

Question

I have a ten year old daughter who has been scared most of her life to sleep by herself in her own room. My wife who work days uses this as an excuse to sleep with my daughter in her bed with her at night. I wake up in the middle of the night and my wife is not there just a king size bed I get up in the night and she is sound asleep next to my daughter, I try and wake her up to come to bed, but she usally falls right back to sleep. This has been going on for years, and I am getting fed up with this, Me and my wife have arguments about this and she says that she won't do it again, bu but she does it anyway. Intimate relationships are non existent, we only have sex maybe once a week. And it is putting a strain on the marriage I think. What can I do to stop this? Is my wife in the wrong, or am I asking to much.

Answer 1

You need to talk to your wife about how this is making you feel. Don't address it in the middle of the night, but find a time during the day where you guys can talk about it.

Answer 2

You know, its only been in the last century that Men and Women have slept together. Those that were well off never slept in the same bed simply because its not comfortable to everyone. And as men do we can make noise and smells that are not attractive if we are half asleep or just pigs. Men of the past demanded their comfort. They wanted a bed that was firm and full and that they could sleep on make any sound that they wanted to and not get an elbow in the ribs for snoring. The way the population continued to grow was that the Man would come knocking at the wife's door and she would let him into a frilly, nice, neat, good smelling room with a soft comfortable bed all in flowers and lace. If the door didnt open that simply meant that he wasnt welcome or they were fighting. Today, science tries to fix some of the problems with men and women sharing a bed. The introduction of the KING bed, the introduction of the DIAL A COMFORT NUMBER BED. All meant to keep the man and wife in the same bed throughout their marriage. Sad part is that even with all these nice new gadgets that irksome wife will still let you know you aint getn any yours by sleeping on the sofa. Sort of role reversal. Next time stop her and offer to sleep on the sofa yourself. See what she does. So, You still have bridges to mend my friend get out the pick and shovel and get busy.

Answer 3

Once a week isn't non-existent. Many couples married years and years would consider this normal. Anyway....it's not good that your wife is sleeping with your daughter and not you. Evidently, your daugher has some emotional problems and can't sleep alone because your wife has taught her to need someone there. She should have dealt with this much sooner. There must be reasons, though, why your wife keeps going to your daughter. Do you snore or thrash around, maybe, and she can't sleep if she's next to you? To me this is a symptom that you have some other issues in your marriage. Maybe the romance is gone from you? You know you need to be so charming and wonderful that your wife will WANT to be in bed with you. That requires, flowers, maybe, and sweet talk. Not nagging and yelling and threatening. So, try wooing your wife again and then talk to her about helping your daughter learn to sleep alone (maybe the pediatrician should be consulted).

Answer 4

Why is your 10 yo daughter scared and why has this not been resolved? Are there some other issues? Most children out grow being scared around 4 or 5. So unless your daughter is a special needs, or has some other importatn history here, there really is no reason to continue this behaviour to this age. Your wife is avoiding you for some reason and this has gone on way too long. I would sit down with her, calmly and in control of yourself and lay it all out, that this is unacceptable and that you will not allow this to continue, that if she needs help or your daughter needs help, then now is the time. I think its unhealthy really for parents to be sleeping with children on a daily basis. A child cannot become independent, has a morbid fear of "things happening" that is unfounded and in general is extremely unhealthy for a marriage. Once in a while, hey, happens, but all the time? Something is wrong here. Its not so much a matter of your wife being wrong as it is why is she doing this when she knows if upsets you? And why is your daughter so scared and of what? I would get my daughter couseling if this were an issue and I would consider it for my wife and maybe even some marital couseling. This should be approached in a calm manner, with concern for both your daughter and your wife. Good luck!

Answer 5

Your wife is very wrong for sleeping with your 10 year old daughter. For one thing, she will never overcome her fears until she is made to face them. Secondly, you need to express to your wife that this is putting a strain on the marriage. Also express to her that you are getting fed up with it. She needs to understand how serious you are about this. Do not allow this to continue under any circumstance. In some states, your wife could go to jail for what she is doing. I know nothing is going on, but it's a law in most states for parents not to sleep with thier children after a certain age. The occasional sick and nightmares will happen and these are okay. Everynight is never okay. I hope you and your wife will settle this with realizing how goofy it all is and help your daughter to sleep by herself. What are you going to do when she turns 18 and can't leave because she is too afraid. Please do your job as a parent and teach that girl how to overcome her fears. Thank you.

Answer 6

Try to communicate with her but if fail try buying something she like.If she love what you bought then slowly try asking her if she love you. If the answer is yes tell her you been lonely sleeping alone and you need someone to cuddle at nite. Tell her she the love of your life not your daughter. Your daughter is a responsibility. Tell her how much you miss her during the time she at work. Call, visit and fetch her from work. Kiss every day and every time. Never embarassed to do it in front of your daughter.She will know the parents love each other very much. Remember simple things makes the lady wild about you.

Answer 7

Your wife is dead wrong! You need to let her read some of the response that are written. Matter of fact that must be ya only child cause i went into a marriage like that to didn't know how to let go. But i learn to let the child go to bed early and having a bathroom or hall light on and just have the radio playing and play with the child both of ya put the child to sleep. SHE NEEDS TO BED IN BED WITH YOU!!! Poor baby probably can't rest with your wife out of the bed like that! You need to talk to your daughter cause you are the head not the tail!!!!!!! God bless you!!!!!!!

Answer 8

You need to talk to your wife about this. Tell her your concerns and see what her reasonings are for this.

This is actually not healthy for your daughter either. A 10 year old should be sleeping on their own. This could potentially lead her to be extemely shy and dependent on others throughout life. Your wife should be trying to help your daughter through her fears and get comfortable on her own as she won't be able to sleep with her for the rest of her life. It's time for your little girl to grow up and your wife to be less protective of her.

Answer 9

No you are not wrong.......your wife is. Her place is by your side. She needs to teach your daughter to sleep alone. At the rate she is going, she will be sleeping next to her at the age of 21 !!!! Your wife really needs to learn how to deal with this. She has taken it much too far. Have you talked to her about this? Any child psychologist can help in this matter.........good luck

Answer 10

Your wife is in the wrong here. At 10 yrs old your daughter is more than old enough to sleep alone, and it is unhealthy for your wife to still sleep with her. She's not doing that child any favors. Talk to your wife and tell her that she is actually harming this child (any child psychologist would agree here), not to mention putting a definite strain on your marriage. I would advise that you get your daughter a good therapist to look in to why she is afraid to sleep alone. Please do that. That is not normal behavior for a 10 yr old.