The tree where no one will go!!!
Braving the heat, I stand
In a land of blue sky and white sand
Surrounded by green , beautiful, tall tree(s)
I look at me, and see I m thorny, dry and free
Years have passed; I see the same old scene
Children under their shade play, sing and new things they scheme
But they wont know what its like to be here
They are are afraid of thorns and dryness that to my body adhere
And these birds, which fly in the sky
They have their nests, in it their children, who sweetly cry
Never will I know, what is it like to have them sitting and singing
To this, I feel sobbing, everyday, counting reasons for existing
But will someone cut me with an axe, wound with arrows,
So that they can also feel my blood ooze with pain and sorrow,
And I will cry out so aloud that you can hear
And Is this sound more powerful than the hatred I bear???
2006-11-16 01:42:08 · 28 answers · asked by metallixan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
thats not bad
2006-11-16 01:44:39 · answer #1 · answered by mothertiggy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, i feel it is rather amateur - doesnt scan at all. Possibly could be good with some polishing. I like the first line..... and even the first verse, with a bit of tweaking.
But what's it all about ? Why would a tree feel hatred.
Don't give up writing..... never give up. But dont feel just cos a load of people on here say it's good that it is. Its good if you just want to write to express yourself but if you want to really write good quality poetry, then maybe you should go to a writers' workshop.
2006-11-16 10:27:07 · answer #2 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG u are such a good writer, the end waz just a little sad tho. But other than that u are really good. Im into poems myself. Have u ever thought about writing poems and entering contest well if not u should like totally should. And ur avetar iz kinda cute,LOL
2006-11-16 09:49:53 · answer #3 · answered by brebreizballin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good take on first person manic depressive tree perspective. Interesting, but good actually, I enjoyed it, although felt a bit depressed!
2006-11-16 09:50:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems like you have put a lot of thought into it, however i think it may have been better to have a happier ending, or not so depressing one. I like the idea though
2006-11-16 09:49:30 · answer #5 · answered by jenna p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! wow! woooo hoooo that was good. You should really do something with that talent. That was pure talent. It was completely original and the word structure was awesome.
2006-11-16 10:22:13 · answer #6 · answered by cookster 360 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are into writing poems, i advise you to stop now. Get into something more productive. I wish you luck in your next undertaking.
2006-11-16 09:49:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cool.
2006-11-16 09:46:07 · answer #8 · answered by Jack 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOnderful written.Great poem! You should put it on www.gotpoetry.com
2006-11-16 09:45:32 · answer #9 · answered by junebaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it started off great till the end...got a bit deep...but...hey...good poem
2006-11-16 09:57:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked it. It's a little melancholy, moody.
2006-11-16 09:48:08 · answer #11 · answered by Lidya D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋