Hello, I wonder if anybody is dealing with a similar situation. I have been happily married for 8 years now and I deeply love my husband. We are leaving abroad so we do not see family too often. Sometime ago his brother-in-law came to visit us and stayed with us for a week. I have known him since I started dating my husband about 11 years ago and we have always had so much respect, admiration and adoration for each other so we both deeply care for the other. Our relationship has always been good and fun because we feel so comfortable around each other but last time he was here I felt something more. I realized I was falling in love with him and once he was gone I knew for sure. I have not been able to stop thinking about him ever since and miss him so much. I know he feels the same even though we have not told each other. We both love my husband and would never hurt him so we both try to go on with our lives. Is anybody dealing with a situation like this? It's killing me softly!
2006-11-16 00:49:24 · 12 answers · asked by ZackStar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Part of the reason it is "killing you" is the fact that there is very little support to address how you feel.
As touchy as the subject is, and knowing the risks involved, talk to your husband about this, while giving him the reassurances he needs that the two of you haven't acted on your feelings.
Honesty about this situation is the only way to go. Your feelings for your husbands brother will influences everything you do until it gets out in the open.
Humans are not biologically monogamous, it is a social construction. Because of that if is difficult to control someones feelings and needs constant work and reinforcement. Many people live perfectly happy unconflicted lives with no other emotional entanglement . Many more don't.
Being honest with your husband gives you choices that you wouldn't have with secrecy. It also relieves you of the guilt you feel by keeping this all to yourself and gives you a clearer head to deal with your emotions and to decide what you want to do about it.
There are many alternatives that you and your husband can discuss. Such as the three of you talking this out. I would strongly suggest all three of you have this conversation but your fist obligation is to your husband. And setting some ground rules for your brother-in-laws involvement in your life might be good, or; just recognizing the emotional involvement might be adequate enough, or your husband might be fine with your feelings about his brother (stranger things have happened).
Your husband, you and your brother-in-law deserves honesty and before anything might happen.
2006-11-16 02:01:54 · answer #1 · answered by jryanwinterhaven 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should get with my ex he is running my younger sister. Let me tell you it will destroy , the family. Because you can have fun and enjoy each other with out worry at this time. You have no idea how it will effect your children, the other brothers and sisters in your family. Having an affair with another person is terrible , but this is the worst possible case. You loose your family, you loose your husband, you divide the children. Friends , will never look or feel the same about either of you . This is where the name trash came from . Grow up and forget the games, because this is what it is and once the game is over with you will wonder what in the world you were thinking. Stop thinking of yourself and remember you are destroying families!!!!!!! Get your lust under control and grow up . Do you want to destroy the relationship between brothers, because you will and it can never be gotten back. I would not want to stand before my maker at the end of my days and answer to that deed.
2006-11-16 03:24:52 · answer #2 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
S T O P. Feelings can be misleading. There are different types of love, and this sems to be a facination/crush. You need to clear the air with everyone, your husband and your brother in law. Be honest and up front. If your husband is mature he will not fly off the handle (he will get upset, sure, but a mature man will want to work on the marriage) Before you do this see these feelings for what they are. There is something lacking in your life and you are trying to fill it with what is available. This is one of the points to bring up with your husband, which this lacking could possibly be his fault or not. Lastly, go to family threapy.
Best wishes.
2006-11-16 00:54:33 · answer #3 · answered by newcovenant0 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not even sure if he has the same feeling as you do you are just thinking he has the same feelings for you. You married your husband it is ok to have loving thoughts about his brother if it is in a brotherly way not intimate thoughts. You need to find out what is wrong with your marriage if you are looking into having an affair with his brother.
2006-11-16 03:10:11 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's killing you softly? Ok, Roberta Flack - you can't be deeply in love with your husband and wanting to jump another guy's bones. Yes, people get tempted but not "deeply in love" people.
2006-11-16 01:11:25 · answer #5 · answered by Debra D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a promise to ur husband!
2006-11-16 01:16:00 · answer #6 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't give in to temptation. Both you and he should control your feelings knowing it is wrong.
2006-11-16 01:21:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no..but i do feel for you. it must be really hard......are you sure its love and not that you miss being around family?
2006-11-16 00:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by crazylady1193 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the next time hes there,send hubby to the store.then jump his bones.
2006-11-16 01:03:13 · answer #9 · answered by DASH 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It could be lust, don't ruin your marriage over it
2006-11-16 03:27:08 · answer #10 · answered by dominicaquilino 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋