just found out my 15yr old daughter has an email and has been giving it out on yahoo Q&A im banning her from u

Question

sen the computer am I doing the right thing also im shocked at some of her questions posted example she wrote one of her friends got raped and wont tell her parents I know this girl well and her parents I have to let them know, what would you do in my situation ?

Answer 1

hmmmmm...well first I wanted to figure out if you was using her name to ask this, or if you also use this sight...and since you have asked about boob jobs and cellulite....and dogs shi**ing on the floor, I am guessing that you are banning her from a site that you also use. I think the more appropriate thing to do is to help her change her account so that her e-mail is not available. But this is a pretty innocent site if handled correctly. She could be in chat rooms cybering...which would be much worse than this is. I would also tell her that you need her to have her friend over so that you can talk to her, if she was in fact raped, then her parents need to know, but it was also very possible that your daughter was simply trying to get some attention. If you seriously feel that she should be banned from this site, I would suggest that you also ban yourself, and spend the time that you would have been using this site with your daughter.
edit....just an after thought...did you read the responces to the rape question? I bet she recieved some very solid advice . If so, that isn't all bad is it?

Answer 2

In this case, you are dealing not only with your daughter's well-being but another child's well-being. Depending on how you look at it, one can only really be considered an adult at 16 or 18, and in some immature peoples' case, at 21.

So, you need to, as the adult, take decisions that will protect the children you have a responsibility to protect.

I think banning your daughter from using the computer forever, is a little unrealistic; rather ban her from it for a few weeks or months, in order to impress upon her the danger she is putting herself into by giving out her email address. As she is 15, maybe give her some articles to read about some cases of paedophiles and psychos getting hold of young children through email and internet.
Maybe then, in future, you can have more supervised computer use, if the computer belongs to you (which I assume it does), make her ask every time she wants to use it, and be in the vicinity when she does so. Passwords can help keep her from using it when you're not there; speak to your computer technician/ shop about this.

With regards to her friend - I think if you know the parents, and this girl is under 16, you have a responsibility as an adult to intervene, I think. If she was over 16 or 18 I would say it is her choice whether or not to tell her folks, but as a child she needs this protection.
Your daughter and her friend (who was raped) might hate you as a result, but you do not depend on them liking you. You are a parent, not your daughter's friend, and there is a big difference.

Answer 3

Please consider several factors here. First, the rape issue, it's something you need to have a chat with her about, sit down with her and find out if it's true, let her know that something like that can really hurt her friend if she doesn't get help. Don't threaten to go to the girl's parents, giver your daughter the chance to make the right decision. IFyou find out that the rape is indeed true and your daughter enver comes forward, then it's something you'll need to speak with the victim's parents about, they need to know what's going on with their little girl.

Second, I can understand, being a mother myself, that finding out your 15 year old daughter has an email you didn't know about could be pretty upsetting. Again, sit down and talk with your daughter before jumping off the deep end. Explain to her that she can attrack some real sickos by giving out her email address so freely. She might also not know her account is letting people contact her through yahoo answers. A 15 year old having an email and asking questions on a site like this is not uncommon, however I would let your daughter know there are rules. Set down the rules and explain you're trying to protect her from getting harmed by some stranger trying to target her. Let her know as long as she follows your rules, she can have the email address and ask questions or even answer them. This can be a win/win situation for you and your child. Also, my 9 year old son has an email which family and his school friends use, this account was set up under mine as a minor's account, that way I can monitor the things he's getting and doing. You might look into just setting her minor's account up instead of completely banning her, this will cause a huge issue to develop in your house. Breathe deeply and then go talk with your daughter.

Answer 4

Firstly, banning her from using the computer will just distance the gap between you. Punish her, by all means for giving out her email address to people that she doesn't know, but don't deprive her entirely of using the computer. It will just upset and anger her and make her feel that you don't understand her.
You could try only allowing her access to the computer at certain times of the day or while you are in the room with her.

Personally I feel that asking questions and seeking information at her age is a natural thing to do. Are you annoyed at all of the questions that she has asked or is it also becuase she didn't come to you for advice first?
She's at the age where she is asserting her independence and trying to stand on her own two feet to learn things.
Perhaps it might be a good idea to let her know that you are there if she needs to ask any questions and that you wont be angry whatever they are.

In regards to the question that she posed about her friend you should definitely treat carefully. She may have posted it for shock tactics, children are pushing boundaries and seeing how people react to them at this age and she may be curious as to what would happen if the situation was true. On the other hand the situation may be real or she might be just exaggerating a situation.

The most important thing is to speak to your daughter about the question and let her know that you know what she said and you aren't angry with her, you are just concerned and want to know the truth. Then act from there.
If it is true, you should try to get your daughter to persuade her friend to tell her parents.
However, do not interfere directly. If you tell your daughter's friend's parents and it is not true or exagerated you will be in a terrible situation with your daughter, her friend and the parents.
Even if the situation did happen, it is not your place to say. It may be difficult but people deal with things on their own terms and you should not try to change this.

I appreciate it is a very difficult situation, just try talking to your daughter and go from there. It may not be as bad a situation as you may think.

Good luck x

Answer 5

You would be doing the right thing by talking to the girl's parents. As for your daughter, what else can you find out from her if you ban her from the computer? You have to keep your eye on her when she's on the computer. You also have to tell her not to give out her email again or you will ban her from the computer. The only problem with banning the household computer is, she will have access to other computers. School, library and her friends computers. Don't ban her from your computer. Just ban her from giving out her email address to strangers.

Answer 6

I would have told the parents also. Yes, I would have also restricted her from the computer. And when I do resume her use, it would be with several restrictions in place. You need to have a talk with her after you calm down. And explain, the dangers of the Internet, at the age of 15 she is feeling fearless and invincible (normal). You could also contact the local library, or the local police department. Many times in many communities they offer forums that show very clearly the dangers on the Internet and how to avoid them. Great for parents and children. You need to express your concerns and explain your reasoning's, young man and women are being exploited on the Internet on a daily and alarming basis. Good luck and God bless

Answer 7

I don't think the rape question is true - she just wanted to see what reaction she would get by posting the question. I don't think you should tell the girl's parents (how do you know which friend it was anyway?) as it might not be true and you could be stirring up a whole hornet's nest. With regard to banning her from the computor, could you not put a block on the sites you don't want her on instead?

Answer 8

I have to agree with rick d. Personally, i think taking the computer away is a wee bit overboard. You definitely need to communicate with your daughter to ensure there's a trusting relationship cause i cant sense one now. As for the rape incident, you should get to the bottom of it first and enquire your daughter to make sure this is real. (let her know the momentum of this). Cause if its not, this would tarnish your daughter's face and harm their friendship+trust. If you're really sure this is true, then try talking to the girl's parents. Good luck.

Answer 9

First make sure that your daughter hasn't made up the story about the rape. Maybe she was just curious to see the answers she could get from that.

If it is true, somebody has to make sure that the rapist is punished. You know your daughter better then me, if you think it helps to ban her from internet, ok, but please bear in mind that there are numerous places where you can get access. Maybe it is more effective to discuss with her what are the dangers and what you can do and what not.

Answer 10

Parents need to get involved in their kids lives. Even more today than years past. There are a lot of sick people on the net.
Keep her safe, that's the most important thing.
Good for you. You are doing the absolute right thing.