How to Fight Fairly in Marriage?

Answer 1

First of all, we need to understand that there is no such thing as a relationship without conflict. My wife and I have had our disagreements and so does every other couple I’ve known or counseled during the last 25 years. Let’s face it. We’re two people with different personalities, opinions and feelings and sooner or later we’re going to bump heads with one another. Maybe she’s mad because you’re spending too much money or he’s upset with your laid-back approach to the kids or maybe you’re both dissatisfied with your sexual relationship.

One thing is certain, there’s no end to the issues a couple can fight over. However, conflict is not the problem. A couple who together resolves a disagreement creates a deeper understanding and respect between themselves. The real problem is a couple’s inability to effectively disagree and find solutions.

Let’s return to our original question: How does a couple fight fairly and resolve conflicts?

The first step in conflict resolution is to identify the problem or issue. You'd be surprised how few people are able to answer the question, "What are you fighting about?" So many of us have been arguing for so long over so many different issues that we’ve lost touch with what’s really bothering us. If we could agree about what the issue is, then we’d be 50% along the way to solving the conflict. So, the next time you’re in a fight, stop and ask yourself and your partner, "Do we know what we’re really arguing about?" If the answer is no, try to clarify the issue and come to agreement on the nature of the disagreement.

Not only do you need to know what the conflict is, you also need to find the right time and place to work it through. More often than not, couples fight late at night when they're tired and don't have theThe following are some helpful rules on how to successfully communicate your disagreement and resolve your conflict.

Don't blame; take responsibility for yourself. Blaming puts your partner in a defensive position, and, as we all know, the best defense is a good offense.


Start with "I" sentences such as, "I feel hurt and angry when you promise you’ll be on time and you’re consistently late." I’m not promising that your partner won’t be defensive, but I am certain that it will be more effective than telling her, "You’re so irresponsible and unreliable. Once again, you’ve screwed up my plans."


Don't tell your spouse that he or she is wrong. If you do, you can be assured that your "wrong" partner will fight even harder to prove that he or she is right.


Listen. In other words, try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and make an effort to understand how he or she feels. Don’t prepare your rebuttal while your partner talks. Instead, try to work on accepting what your partner says. Remember, just because you have differing perspectives doesn’t make one of you right and the other one wrong.


State your case but don’t compromise your marriage. Don’t be afraid to express your wants and needs, but remember, winning a fight may mean losing your marriage. Try to embrace the idea that the only victory in marriage is a stronger relationship.
Believe me, I know that these "cookbook type" suggestions sound easy but in reality are difficult to put into practice. It takes constant effort and discipline and an absolute determination to make your marriage work. However, if you and your spouse make that commitment, then I’m certain you’ll create a marriage based on love and respect.
mental and emotional capacity to deal with the problem.

Answer 2

Hey RIYA, U seem 2 be in some deep trouble, I am a bachelor...therefore I really cannot tell U what 2 do or how 2 go about it BUT This guy HARD ROCK seems 2 be good, so read his answers or better still email him all your troubles.... he has 25 years of experience & he seems 2 be a good councelor. Most important, if you want 2 make your marrige work, you need to work very hard at it...... ALL THE BEST

Answer 3

First of all when you argue, try to be rational when discussing your differences. I know that's often easier said than done because most people tend to react emotionally. I know I've done it with my husband. If you feel like you're going to lose it, take a few minutes to calm down then go back and discuss the issues again when you're cool headed. When you can't agree on one thing, you have to compromise.

Also, try not to fight about the little stuff because it's usually the little things we fight about that get blown out of proportion.

Answer 4

"Fight" in a marraige is actually the fun part. But I don't think you can ever make it fair because the women ends up winning all the time ( or that's what we make them believe :p). So enjoy it and don't make it serious....

Answer 5

If you conceptulise fight in marriage, do not do it. Better alone.

Answer 6

If you have to fight about an issue or something the other has done or not done..... speak specifically to the issue not the person.

IE: "I am mad at WHAT YOU DID"... not who you are. " You DID something mean or insensitive, or stupid"

VS

"you ARE mean or insensitive or stupid"

Get it?

Answer 7

if you had a fight with your partner..

you can use the facts and the truth
but you have to remember that you
should keep your relationship good
WiTh your partner

Answer 8

IF U WANT A FAIR FIGHT GET MATCHED TO UR OPPONENTS CRITERIAS LIKE EARNINGS SPENDINGS AND IF U DO NOT HAVE EQUAL CRITERIA THEN EARN THEM FIRST BY YOUR HARD WORK. OTHERWISE IF U FIGHT UNEQUAL IT CANNNNNNNOT BE FAIR.

Answer 9

If my husband and I disagree with each other we talk about why we disagree then we come to a compromise.

Answer 10

Be kind to each, but honest. Both should compromise when possible.