Take a step
Take a breath
I look up
Those warm eyes
Calm & pleasant
staring deap
not ever wanting to blink
gazing out
out at your soul
out at your love
never satisfide
always wanting
needing
feening for more
Those eyes
those eyes
Oh boy,
how I love those eyes of yours.
2006-11-15 23:12:10 · 6 answers · asked by Savanna 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Is this better?
Your body
fine & toned
Your lips
Soft as a rose peddle
Every inch
pure perfection
But there just one part that means the most to me...
Warm & pleasant
Gaizing at them
never wanting to blink
so comforting & deap
I'm never satisfide
always wanting
needing
feening for more
Those eyes
those eyes
Oh boy,
how I love those eyes of yours.
2006-11-15 23:26:53 · update #1
i love the last 4 lines but the rest is quite flat sorry...i agree with the answer above you need to find more expressive words,but god!how i like these last 4lines!!!
can't explain why though
2006-11-15 23:18:55 · answer #1 · answered by Billie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Interesting yes. Possibly some compression. Placing the feeling in less lines or with more expressive words.
2006-11-15 23:16:20 · answer #2 · answered by rrxdeadman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time is a brilliant healer.. quite some fish contained in the pond... If one have been given away ... replace your spot... enable them to discover you on your greater effective way... nicely the poem is stable yet its the comparable tale...all of them injury with the aid of fact we are hassle-free to our soul... take care diluted
2016-10-04 00:50:27 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poems are OK but you ought to use spell check before posting! What is more read what you write "rose pedals" petals please! My gran said if a job is worth doing it is worth doing well.
2006-11-16 00:44:29 · answer #4 · answered by ask this dummy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its pretty good....I think if you added more words...then itd be a little better...
2006-11-15 23:15:59 · answer #5 · answered by cutenwild1769 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't quit your day job.....
2006-11-16 01:07:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋