As you may already know, the renovations of the sales office began last week. For the duration of this project, I have implemented a change in our hours of operation. Our new hours will be from 8:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. I’m a bit concerned for the safety of anyone who may be in the building other than during these times. There are potential dangers in a building that is under construction. Especially if the construction crew doesn’t know you are in the building.
In order to be sure the construction crew is aware that you are in the building, I am asking you to sign in with the security office during non business hours. In addition, the construction crew has requested you use the front entrance, as opposed to the east or west entrances.
2006-11-15 22:23:56 · 3 answers · asked by k9resq 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
This is fine, down to the last sentence of the first paragraph. You shouldn't start the sentence with 'especially'. A comma after 'construction', & then, 'especially if the crew doesn't know you are in the building.'
The words non-business would be better hyphenated.
2006-11-15 22:33:20 · answer #1 · answered by cloud43 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of very minor changes I would make - as follows.
As you may already know, the renovations of the sales office began last week. For the duration of this project, I have implemented a change in our hours of operation. Our new hours will be from 8:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m.
I am also concerned for the safety of anyone who may be in the building at other times. There are potential dangers in a building that is under construction. Especially if the construction crew doesn’t know you are in the building.
In order to be sure the construction crew is aware that you are in the building, I am asking you to sign in with the security office during non business hours. In addition, the construction crew has requested you use the front entrance, as opposed to the east or west entrances.
2006-11-16 06:27:41 · answer #2 · answered by Ruthie Baby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too subjective and 'wordy'. Put the main ideas in point form and avoid putting 'I' and 'you' in it.
More like:
Due to renovations, the following safety considerations should be followed:
*please use the front entrance only
*sign in when entering the premises.
*office hours will be from 8-5
It is much easier to read and get the important details this way.
2006-11-16 06:32:58 · answer #3 · answered by S M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋