My friend has a baby from her boyfriend after a 5-6 year relationship from high school till college. But they haven't got married or lived together as yet since the guy had to study in a different city. The problem is that the guy isn't realizing his responsibility as a father and a man to marry my friend and start looking after his future wife and a child. So my friend wants to just get away from him and not even try to marry him. They're still young, 23 year olds and not really experienced with life and the consequences of such big decisions. As much as I think he's not a good guy for my friend, I really think she should give it a try to save her family. It would be so hard to raise a child alone and the baby will not as happy as she can be :-( do you think she should try again to work things out with him or just bail out since people don't really change after all....?
2006-11-15 20:21:04 · 21 answers · asked by Sailormoon 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm not asking what should have been done or any other lectures. I know she should not have done it before marriage and she regrets her decision etc.. but it's done and a baby is born!!!
2006-11-15 21:21:21 · update #1
I believe a father and husband's role is irreplaceble, but not a unworthy one's I guess...
2006-11-15 21:23:15 · update #2
people do change however later in life after they have made a few simple mistakes.....she is only 23and it is hard to raise a baby on one salary.....i would give this guy a chance .....but if you argue a lot then dont even think about it.....you got to give this baby a clean chance.....
2006-11-15 20:24:48 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not a contract to keep the family. Marriage is much more powerful than that. Your friend is capable of raising her child to be just as happy with her dad or without him. Looks like your friend has given him time and the opportunity for him to realize his responsibility. What is it she has not tried that makes you believe she hasnt done enough. She knows what it is between her and her boyfriend, Is marriage in the picture? She doesn't see it so let her move on in her life and in time they may find each other again. But it doesn't matter if they marry or not , They are the parents of a child and they will always have that.
2006-11-16 04:50:27 · answer #2 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think ur friend's boyfriend should be more mature and take on his responsibilities to ur friend and their child if he really loves them. I think it's important that a guy care about the person he loves, but from what u say i get the idea that he doesn't care, bcoz if he did, he would have shown ur friend how much he loves her. I would say that in life, u shouldn't settle 4 second best, ur friend deserves a guy who REALLY cares about her and their child. marriages that are made just out of duty and not out of complete love and trust do not last. it might be that ur friend's boyfriend has some1 else on his mind since he can't commit 2 ur friend. he can be a father to the child even they are not married, but if d guy marries ur friend just out of duty it won't b ok, bcoz it will b just a false promise of love and happiness. A guy must truly WANT to get married to a woman, not do it bcoz he has 2. same goes 4 a woman. i think she should remain friends with him, but bail out. it depends - maybe she should give him a chance to think what he really wants to do in life, perhaps it's good that he waits a few years until he is more mature and able to make a good decision. i have a friend who is getting married at 23, but d guy asked her 2 b his wife, it wasn't she who brought up the topic. i hope that helps. good luck 2 ur friend!
2006-11-16 04:33:10 · answer #3 · answered by andrea a 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think your friend should marry him. i would never want to live alone after having a child if that was the case. i would try to work things out with my man, but if he still refuse then leave the guy alone. if your friend really loves the guy, she would go after the guy herself, and since that she is pregnant, that she should know and have the instincts on whether to be staying with him or not. i personally think that it is not fair that after that 5-6 years of relationship that they still don't live together. as long as they have the money to live together then they should live together inspite of the child because it is not fair on the girl's part if she have to live her life alone and hence taking care of the baby all by herself. maybe you can help your friend baby sit her child after she have the baby you know? who knows, maybe you can be related to the baby. like an aunt or something.:)
2006-11-16 04:30:12 · answer #4 · answered by jennifer s 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She should marry someone who makes her happy and can commit to both her and the baby. If he can't commit, it won't last and heartbreak will follow for her and the child. It is easy to get somebody pregnant, but committing to raising a healthy family is much more difficult. If this guy can't see himself doing this, he simply won't be good for her. I was raised by a stepfather and he is has been the most wonderful father a girl could ever ask for.
2006-11-16 04:29:00 · answer #5 · answered by LuLu 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is not a good guy it will make her life miserable if she goes ahead with him. He seems to be either not really in love with her or lack the responsibility that he needs to be fully trusted. I think if he would be in love with your friend he would be much more committed. I mean he is 23, not 17 !
I believe she is right to drop him. That makes it possible for her to be open for a really nice and responsible person and commit herself to her baby until she finds him.
2006-11-16 04:26:45 · answer #6 · answered by meiguanxi :) 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't have gotten pregnant outside of marriage in the first place. So why should the guy bother...he had a woman, sex, a baby in that order all without being married...so why should he be bothered about marrying her now! He got everything that comes after marriage...before getting married so that leaves him loose. Your friend should have waited to have the kid after she got married but since she didn't, she should now try to salvage what kind of relationship she can have with the baby of the father and finally legalize her illegitimate child.
2006-11-16 04:25:42 · answer #7 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
hi,
pretty difficult situation here ! but the fact i would say is that she has lost the game and it is high for her to take care of her baby..i can tell you right now he is not going to comeback because men at age of 23 rarely like family responsibility which came by a mistake of intense passion..either he is not going to marry her or marry some one else.. ask her to start looking for her job and look afetr her kid for time being..after this she must learn to be sensible in life and wait for a good man to come into her life and nto hasten into any silly decision because girls are always weak at heart and decison making which is why guys take the benefit out of us and the resultant is single parent and young pregnancy..
so ask her no wait for him any more and think wht she can do usefully which will help them with their survival..
good luck to her
2006-11-16 04:32:20 · answer #8 · answered by devi 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Has he proposed? Your friend obviously does not love him, so dont marry for the sake of your baby! Ask her to get away preferably near her parents & make a career for herself. The right guy will come her way sooner than later!
2006-11-16 04:25:02 · answer #9 · answered by Mock-mast 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell her to beg for marriage...there are other ways..
and if your friend and that guy get together unwillingly then too the child won't remain happy, so don't force it on him.
If your friend wants to keep the child she can, or else there adoption as an option.
2006-11-16 04:47:22 · answer #10 · answered by !i!i!i!FaRnAzA!i!i!i!i 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋