My strict mother in law?

Question

I have been recently married and living with my inlaws. yesterday, my mother in law severely reprimanded me calling me all kinds of bad names like 'bi*ch'/wh*re' and all.

My fault: I was wearing a pink nighty during evening inside the house (which my husband bought for me). according to me MIL, she can clearly see the outline of my bre*asts/pant*ies through the satin material..and I am "distracting" my father in law and brother in law by wearing such "bad" clothes.

Even if the outline is visible - so what? does it mean, they HAVE to look???? Am i to blame???

She is forgetting that her son bought it for me. Should i fight back or let it go?

i wanted to add that i had worn my pa*nties inside the nighty and was not exposing myself. I admit that i wasnt wearing a br*a. For that i am ready to say 'sorry'.

Also my husband is very comfortable with me wearing mini skirts/ tank tops / jeans in front of them etc. The nighty actually reveals less than those clothes.

Answer 1

I’m a guy and I think that you are wrong and that your MIL has a right to be mad. She could’ve handled it with a little more decorum, but she still has the right to be upset with you.

If it was just you and her in the house, your MIL might have had an issue with it still, but she may not have said anything to you about it. But because her husband and son were there, she felt like she needed to get this under control. I am sure you know very well that most men are stimulated by what we see. Whether or not you think the FIL and BIL don’t “have” to look, doesn’t mean that they CAN’T look. Again, for many guys, that look can stimulate (especially in the younger brother), which is something you DO NOT want to do to them, because 1) you are a married woman, and 2) you are married to their son/brother.

Now, just for kicks, imagine that you have a sister, older or younger, who is just as attractive and appealing as you. She comes to stay with you and your husband for a year. She wears things around the house that are exactly like what you described yourself wearing at you MIL’s house. Now, how comfortable would you be if you had to start working nightshift or had to be away for an extended period of time, say four weeks, and they were left there alone? If you say very comfortable because they wouldn’t do anything, consider this. Even if they don’t do anything together, your husband may still take a sideways glance if it’s constantly available for him to see, especially if you are not around to catch him. So with that in mind, would you say something to her about her pink and see-through nighties? Do you think that your husband, in order to protect himself from lusting after his SIL, would ask her to cover up, in HIS own house?

This comes down to respect for not only your MIL, but also to your FIL, your BIL, and their home. You and your MIL might have been the best of friends, but you can’t blame her for making sure there are no nearly-nude chicks in her hen-house (excuse the pun). And oh yeah, it doesn’t matter that your husband bought you nighty. Your husband bought it most likely for you to wear for or around him, and that’s the way it should stay.

Answer 2

As some one who has been in a similar situation, I understand your frustration. I do think it is probably best if you remember your modesty and put a bathrobe over the nightlie when in public areas. Just because your husband, their son bought you this does not give you the right to wear it in "common" areas. If he bought you crotchless panties would you wear those out in common areas? I'm sure you would not becuase they would not be appropriate as this nightie is not appropriate. No home is made for two families, but sometimes you have no other choice. Until you and your spouse can get a place on your own, try to keep the peace. You should also remember that your motherinlaw is a woman and may be feeling unattractive and insecure since there is a hot young thing parading around HER house, in front of her husband.

Answer 3

What a prude...no wonder you are distraction to the husband and son, they probably havent seen a females body like that in years....lol. I know its not a laughing matter, but its your mother in law who has the problem, not you. She had no right to call you any kind of name and if it was disturbing her then she should have pulled you aside and spoke to you quietly, asking if you could cover up a little more when walking around the house. That is called respect You are living in her house, but that doesnt mean she has the right to call you disgusting names. If I were you I would calmly go to her and say..."I understand that you dont want me walking around in my nightie, and I respect that and I wont anymore, but I would appreciate it if you wouldnt call me names anymore because you hurt my feelings.

Be calm, tell her how she hurt your feelings, then let it go, and while you are living there just wear a dressing gown over your nightie. Did you tell your husband what she called you? I would talk to him about it and say that his mother really should not have called you those "dirty" names. See what his reaction is. Maybe he will speak to his mother about it. I wouldnt make too much of a big deal out of it though because you are living in her house. I certainly would not allow her to call me names though, and you need to make that clear. If I were you I would be saving up to move out so you and your husband can have your privacy.

Answer 4

You should have been a smartass and asked her how she could see the outline of your panties since you weren't wearing any LMFAO. No seriously, 9 times out of 10 if your husband bought it then he thought it was something sexy that ya'll could use in the privacy of your room and his mom may have found it offensive. I would probably apologize (can't spell) and the next time wear a robe or something over your bed clothes especially if his father and brother are there. If nothing else ask your husband if he thinks it was inappropriate for you to wear it out of your room and see what he says. If he doesn't think it was inappropriate then I would ask him to say something to his mother about the way she spoke to you. It doesn't matter if it was or wasn't she still had no right to talk to you that way. She could have stated her case without being a bi*ch about it.

Answer 5

I think that you need to let this one go. Because although she shouldn't have called you all those names, you shouldn't have been walking around in your nighty you should have had a robe/dressing gown on. She probably thinks that you were being very disrespectful, even though you do live there too (and you are right they shouldn't have been looking at you, but men are men!).

The best thing to do, even though you are angry is to apologize to her and say that you did realize. You probably do not want to do this but you need to keep the peace as you are living in her house.

Then talk to your husband and tell him that you think that its time that you found somewhere else to live, and then you will be able to wear exactly what you want to

Answer 6

She's right. What your husband bought for you was for his eyes only. Not for your father/brother in law to ogle at. You should dress decently and modestly outside your room, when you're with your husband you can wear nothing and its okay. For the same way that you wouldn't like to go out in public and be dressed in a nightie...that's the way you have to be dressed with your in-laws. They're not your parents, you have to compromise with them and although your mother in law was a bit harsh...she's really right and you should accept that. If you are so desperate to wear something like that, make sure that you cover up with a robe so that its not visible and neither are your boobs/panties. Sure, her son bought it for you but I'm sure even he won't like you dressed so shamelessly in front of his dad so be reasonable and don't fight where you are so completely wrong...this is not a picnic, its a marriage where you should make efforts to make it last.

Answer 7

Well, first off, she shouldn't be calling you names.
But, you also shouldn't be wearing "too sexy" night clothes around your father in law and brother in law. They're men! They love to look! It's understandable of why she would be upset, so you shouldn't try and fight back because it will only make things worse. Try to explain to her, it was an honest mistake and that you'll try to wear more conservative clothes. Maybe, the sexier clothes can come out when it's just you and your husband but you don't want the whole family seeing the hoo ha's. Tell her that it was hurtful for her to talk to you in that manner and just have a good talk with her.

Answer 8

Devika bhabhi, I agree that your MIL should not use abusive words for you. But whatever you had done is not correct. You could have used that nighty in your own bed-room. If your husband has bought it for you, that does not mean you should display it everywhere. Indian society has some culture and traditions and everyone should respect that. Just imagine if your father in law moves around in his inner-wear, how will you feel it? Your father in law is just like your father. Please calm down. Matter is not that serious. You can mail me at [e-mail]

Answer 9

Since you are in the joint family, take a peace pipe, and have your husband talk to them.

Keep a house coat handy and use it in the house if you have to step out of the privacy of your bed room. Look at the age differences.

Nighty are for night time when light are dim or out. They are consider a very private and personal artier. Do not make any issue about it just toss cold water on the fire.

Answer 10

this is a small problem.

the main question in your life is - do you & your husband want to live with your in laws ? or not ?

if you are planning to live with them for a long time, then the best thing to do is listen to your mother in law. i live with my mother in law and i know they can be strange sometimes. but you just have to learn to ignore these things, and let go, and not be irritated about their way of thinking.

ok so she doesnt like you to wear a transparent nighty in the house - fair enough, dont do it. wear it in your bedroom, and get changed before you get out. i do the same.

as long as she does not interfere between you and your husband, you should respect her ways and adjust your life so that you dont offend her too much. its actually good she doenst mind you wearing mini skirts - some mother in laws dont like that

but if you and your husband are planning to move out, then i suggest you start looking for a new house soon, better to get out and avoid the fights.

good luck and remember, its not easy to live with in-laws, but this is your new family and your mother in law is like your mother, even though she may not behave the same way. respect and love her and eventually she will love you back and treat you like her daughter