Why does my wife dig up my past?

Question

My wife every now and then digs up my past and reminds me about my ex-girlfriend. I dont like remembering the times that i've spent with my ex-girlfriend, b'coz the thought that i diched her hurts me (i had reasons to do so). I had an arranged marriage with my wife and have told everything about my ex to her, just to be truthful (i dont like to hide things). She is well aware that i am hurt when we discuss my ex. then why does she have to keep doing it? Please help me resolve this...

I had to leave my ex girlfriend, to keep my parents happy. They never liked her, and once a moment came when they asked me to decide between them of my ex-girlfriend and i chose my parents.

I have told my wife, that remember my ex hurts me. And, i simply dont want to do it.

Answer 1

If it was an arranged marriage maybe she brings it up cause she is unhappy with her marriage to you and maks you mad so you will divorce her. She may not be brave enough to say she wants one. Or maybe you have told her things you did with your ex that you wont do with her and it makes her jealous. Sit down and have a heartfelt discussion with her.

Answer 2

She probably feels insecure about your ex because of the reasons that you are no longer together. You didn't leave your ex because you didn't love her, or because of problems. You left her to make your parents happy. She probably wonders if you still think about your ex, and if you wish you were still with her. To make matters worse, you had an arranged marriage with your wife, and did not specifically choose her for who she is. Make sure she knows that you are happy with your life and that you have no regrets(if that is in fact true). Women can be really insecure. Make her feel loved, and she hopefully will stop obsessing.

Answer 3

Frankly this is what happens when you have relationships before marriage and you're not supposed to. Firstly you shouldn't have had a girlfriend and if you did...you should have married her. However now you are married to someone else, you shouldn't have told her about your past affair. Its probably incredibly hurtful to your wife to know that before her, you were already checking out girls and who knows how far you went with your girlfriend...its all a matter of trust and she probably doesn't trust you all that much now. You should assure her that she is the only one in your life, that your ex means nothing to you and just keep supporting your wife so that she's convinced you have eyes only for her. And tell her that you don't want to talk about your useless ex-girlfriend anymore.

Answer 4

I've had boyfriends bring up their past--3 years after I've been with them. Or less time, but some very explicitly graphic episode. Their descriptions to me are then vivid in my mind, because I'd already started loving this person without knowing about their past attraction or resentment. Then I find that resentment or attraction to dominate my thoughts: how a girl dressed or what she ate, or how she did something--anything that he described: it told me he was thinking "about her" and that made me think he didn't care that much for me and for now, only nostalgic about what might have been.

You need to talk to her and see how she feels about this other person. Ask her. Don't ask if she is jealous--that will only alienate her: ask why does she bring this person up? What is she thinking? What does she see? or feel?

And then tell your wife how you feel when she brings this up. Ask her first if it is alright. But tell her. See what happens. It is a good opportunity for you to be honest with each other.

Answer 5

I don't know about you, but I ask my husband just out of curiosity. He doesn't like to talk about it either, but with him it's because he knows I'm sensitive and is afraid it'll upset me. He can't understand curiosity. I did tell him about myself. I think part of it in your situation might be that your wife wants to try to meet your standards since you were arranged and she wasn't your choice. In my situation we both chose each other simultaneously, if you can imagine.

I think your wife maybe doesn't feel confident of your love and not without reason. If you really do love her prove it to her. You either shouldn't have left the other girl or you need to prove to your wife that although you were arranged you chose her by accepting the arrangement.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I think ur wife is overly possessive about you.It may so happen that everytime she is down she gets irritated that you had a relationship with other woman.She is having difficulty in accepting your past.Pls tell her that you have left your past behind & u sincerly love ur wife.Also, tell her that u r getting hurt with her behavior & this is screwing up ur relationship.If this does not solve the pb both of u meet a good counceler.

Answer 7

I understand the Indian setup but still think no one should get into a relationship if they cant stand up for thier choice, You did a disgraceful thing ditching your girlfriend. Tell your wife you left your girlfriend not out of choice but out of compulsion & everytime she brings it up you feel ashamed of your past & think about the time you had together & that will invariably affect your married life. Lets hope she comes to her senses.

Answer 8

She just gets insecure (and woman have select memory inwhich they can never let go of some things). And she's seeking reassurance from you more than anything. So next time she whines, be like... 'baby, why do you need to bring up my ex? when i see you, you make me smile, and you're so beautiful..when you mention my ex, i want to think about cars and guns"

when she brings her up, just talk down about her, and give your wife compliments, she just sounds a bit needy

Answer 9

Your wife does this because she is a controlling Bit*h. What you should do the next time she pulls this crap on you is tell her that she is mean and that you are still boning the old girlfriend in your mind when you are in bed with your wife. As a matter of fact give the old girlfriend a call and see if that door in closed.

Answer 10

Wynona Judd has a song "the woman before me" It say in the song , "sometimes I feel like you must be talking to the woman before me and you"... Your actions must be speaking about it. Usually a woman's emotions aren't far off when they feel like your actions are related to a past problem....and you are probably doing something that causes her to feel the need to bring it up, like if you would have closure to a past hurt on one specific thing, you wouldn't continue doing something that affects her in a way that hurts.