Part 2: My mother in law not feeding my son-what am I going to do?

Question

Monday my husband and I went for a walk. I told him I planned on having my family watch our children while we went to a meeting the next day. He told me that was good I was teaching his mother a lesson. I told him,"You say that and then you change your mind." He doesn't stick to anything. He kept bugging me about talking to his mother about her having him again. I told him I'm dealing with too many things right now. We got home. Watched TV. I made us dinner. His cell phone rings. It's his mom. I asked why she was calling his cell phone and not our home phone. He told me he asked her to. Then he runs off into another room to talk to her. Later on he bugs me again to talk to her. I said,"Sure, when?" He tells me he doesn't know. Then she shows up!! She's crying. Trying to tell me that she told my husband that she told me that she had apologized for not feeding my son. (She didn't). Then she tried to blame ME for her not feeding him! What do I do?

I only called once. And that didn't interfer with her feeding him! She tried to say I was a bad mother. Accusing me of things I don't do. My husband just sat there and did NOTHING!!! She says if I have a problem to come talk to her, but when I do, she starts crying, putting guilt trips on me, blaming me for what ever she did because she can't admit when she's done something wrong. And this happens everytime! I asked my husband why he didn't stick up for me when we were talking and he couldn't answer me. What am I going to do??? I feel like it's always those two against me. He even told me I'm not allowed over to her house anymore. I'm trying to make our family work and get along. How is this going to happen now if I'm not even allowed over to his mothers house and they are accusing me of being a bad mother when I'm not??? HELP!! I'm not a bad mother...

My husband INSISTS that my son keep going with his grandmother (his mom) even if she does forget to feed him.

No, she has 2 sons.

My mother in law gets my son once a week so she can bond with him..SHE wants to do this. It isn't that I'M not taking care of him.

Answer 1

Why in the hell would you want to go over to her place anyway? She sounds like a very vindictive woman indeed. I think she is probably jealous of your relationship with your husband. Dont laugh because a lot of mothers feel like they have been replaced when their son gets married. Its not healthy at all, and this woman does not seem to be an adult at all. She is playing mind games with you, and kinda putting your husband in a position of taking sides...thats probably why he sits and says nothing.

You need to tell your husband straight, that your mother in law is your extended family and when he chose to marry you, you and the children are his family now and you should come first. While ever he says nothing then the mother in law will always have the power. She can say and/or do whatever she likes and she is allowed to get away with it. If I were you I would tell your husband that it is now not a matter of not being allowed to go to her place, it is that you wont go to her place ever again. This is your son too, it is yours and your husbands son....the mother in law is a grandparent and doesnt have any rights to say and do the things she is doing. I would refuse to allow my son anywhere near this woman. She is acting like a big spoiled child and is trying to play you against her, trying to make your husband choose. He is still the little boy allowing mommy to control him. He is an adult and he needs to be treated like one, and that means he has to be confronted about his lack of support for you.

Maybe you might even have to go as far as saying to him that unless he grows up and makes his mother grow up that you will have no option than to take your son and leave. Maybe then he will realise what a horrible situation it is for you. Pussyfooting around the issue will not help. You have to put your cards on the table and give him an ultimatum because its obvious to me if the mother in law isnt stopped, and stopped soon, then she will be the one who will give your son the ultimatum. You need to show your strength...you need to show that you are a force to be reckoned with.

Ignore her nasty comments, think of your son first. Tell your husband that your son's welfare comes first and that you wont have your son anywhere near your mother until she stops playing these stupid vindictive games. They are very dangerous actually because she is claiming you are not a good mother and I want to know why. What is her game? Is she trying to discredit you so much to your husband that he is going to believe it? Is she eventually going to turn him against you, then take your son and go live with his mother?

You really have to stand your ground.....do it now before she does any more damage. I would be as angry as hell over the way she is treating you, and I would be even angrier at your husband for allowing her to have so much influence in your lives. She is an outsider....you have to start thinking that way, because she has the power right now to destroy your marriage. I would refuse to talk to his mother ever again. Why is it so important? It seems to me like she is deliberately setting out to get her son back.

He needs to show where his loyalty really lies. You have to make him see what this is doing to you. Its dreadful when the mother still hangs onto the son like that. Is he her only son?

You have to put a stop to it somehow or she will destroy your marriage.

Good luck, you are going to need it.

Answer 2

Don't worry about not getting along with the in law. If she is going to abuse your son by not feeding him, sounds like as a punishment to you, DON'T leave your child with her ever again. It sounds as if she has some major issues and you should not entrust her caring for your son until the issues are resolved. Your husband needs to "man up" and see that.

Answer 3

I would not let her keep your son anymore( at least not right now). She's proven to you that she's not responsible enough to have him. If she forgets to feed him, it's hard telling what else she will or won't do. I know it's his mother, but your husband should understand and respect your decision about this. After all, it's his son too, so he should be more concerned about your child's welfare- not about whether or not he's gonna offend his mother.

Answer 4

I really think you need to break this cycle. Stop letting your family vie for the attention and hire someone to watch your son. It may be a financial inconvenience at first, but it's worth it not to have these types of family dramas (which your son will pick up on eventually).

Answer 5

these are indian men...
even if ur mother in law was to torture u to death they will just sit there...
fight it out yourself...dun depend on your husband...they dn have the balls...
my mother in law hates me...my husband knows...
she has asked everyone in the house to stop talking to me...
and my husband wont do anything...
thats it,...
we have to live with it...
or fight it...
only 2 options..
pick one...

all the best...

Answer 6

since when did it become her responsibility to feed him or anything else. do what you are supposed to do. you and husband take care of your baby