PLEASE PLEASE READ. I need HELP. I AM LOSING MY MIND.?

Question

My husband and I have been married two years. In this two years.. he hasnt EVER tried to wine and dine me... or do anything romantic. Sexually... its all about him. I love sex with him... but here is an example of 99 percent of our sexual coitus... he rubs my butt for about 15 seconds... takes off my underwear and slides it in. If I want an Orgasm... I have to be on top and do it myself. I am 8 mos pregnant and we have a 10 month old daughter. Yes... pregnant for two years. I have put him down out of such anger and frustration.. I have told him he sucks in bed, has no ding dong... etc.... and that is also because he ran me down all the time in the past .., telling me how awesome his ex-girlfriends were. HE especially went on and on about this one girl that was so perfect... yet everyone if his girlfriends and ex-wife cheated on him. HE is really into himself. I sit on the ground talking to him... while he watches television, or playing on the computer. He is more concerned with how

he looks. We have been in conseling for two months now... nothing has changed... in fact he doesnt even want to listen to the conselor. He claims that he doesnt masterbate... but how can he go as long as he does without sex. he says that the anti-depressent meds made him loose his sex drive. ...

Answer 1

go to counseling with or with out him all men are not like this he sounds very selfish and I know you are angry and want to strike out but believe me the verbal assault doesn't help at all. when it's to that point it is time to move on if counseling doesn't work. this is a terrible atmosphere to bring up your kids in and will affect them for life

Answer 2

First of all anti-depressants can lower sex drive..But l don't think that's the problem..You need to sit down and have a talk with him about how important sex (good sex) is to you and how it makes you feel when all his time is spent on himself..I am not a firm believer in counseling, for the simple fact that no one is able to save a down hill marriage unless both are willing to do everything possible to listen and change and one person can't do it on there own..If the talking,and l mean a very open and honest conversation, doesn't help then you are very limited to what you can do..

Answer 3

I apologize. It sounds like a sham marriage. I would definitely want to re-evaluate what exactly the definition of marriage is. It's a partnership. By the sounds of it, you're the one doing all the work and he's taken you for granted. I absolutely LOVE taking my wife bowling and out to dinner. It's the little things we do for each other like that that make it all worth while. The only thing I don't really do is sleep with her right when she goes to bed. She works first shift, I'm on second. I'm simply not tired when I get home and am wired to the nights. But we still make time for each other and hope that you will find someone perhaps, will treat you like a Queen. Which I have promised any woman I would ever end up with. You DO NOT ignore the one who chose you. And you don't "F***" family. It sounds like he has given up. Get some counseling or possibly....get out. Good luck to you and God bless.

Answer 4

You should have never married that guy. Seriously. Divorce him now unless you are not financially stable 'till then make sure he does his job as a husband and a father to your two children (even though the second one is still in your womb). How? Give it to him straight and upfront like if you want to tell him something but he never shows any interest, stand right in front of him shut off the television or the computer and make him listen. Do whatever it takes for him to listen to you (it means, you talk he shuts up)EXCEPT the following: NEVER DO ANYTHING THAT WILL HURT YOURSELF (you know how men are arrogant, egoistic, self-absorbed, hotheaded), NEVER GO THROUGH IT BY HAVING ANOTHER SEXUAL INTERACTION WITH HIM (for sure he will tend to forget whatever you just said before the sex or tends to be tired if you wanted to tell him something after the sex).

Answer 5

First of all just bc he put you down you should not put him down either. 15seconds butt rub same thing here and no wine and dine samething here. do not put him down though that will not make things any better that will make it worse. you should try talking to him put the kids to bed one night have all the distracting things off like tv and things like that and have a conversation about how you feel. Tell him good things first and tell him that you would like to have a romatic moment once in wile instead of just a slam bam thank you man type of sex and tell him if you guys can afford it to have one night a month a date night. just make sure you talk about your feeling and his feeling also b4 that too. i hate to say this so early in your marriage but maybe you should seek marriage councilling to see what the cause is if one one talking does not do anything to help. I do not get all the romance stuff either and i am lucky if i get off lol. i been with him for 12 years and i am 24. DO NOT BRING UP THE PAST MISTAKES that is the worst you can do. LEAVE THOSE THINGS IN THE PAST ok.
Yes he should care about your feelings but just like i said sit down and talk with him he may not know you are mad at him or anything some men are oblivous to what women are feeling and thinking.

Answer 6

It doesn't like a healthy relationship . Quit having more kids and adding to the stress of things. Words are something you can never take back,once the hurt is done you can't undo the hurt. Please yourself or tell him what he can do to help you reach an orgasm. YES anti-depressants can cause a low sex drive and even premature ejaculation and cause a man not to get aroused.You can ask your Dr. or pharmacy about the side effects. And you can ask who ever subscribed them to him to change him to something else because of the sexual side effects. But i don't think it's just about the sex, the whole relationship needs to end.

Answer 7

He is into his self i would say that makes me sick. He is just trying to make you feel down graded about yourself and make you jealous of other girls. Dont Stoop down to his level you desevere better he thinks you cant get anyone because your pregnant well i would tell him its time for him to hit the road hun. He only wants sex when he wants it, throws his little fits too huh yeah i know how that goes but it works both ways do the same to him dont make him super, i wouldnt do anything for him and then he will see how it feels. If he wants it to be all about him let him have it all to himself by his self
Oh yeah and the masturbating thing he is into another relationship hun that is what i believe. If women dont feel as though they dont want to have sex right when a man wants it his penis tends to over work their brain and they go find it else where

Answer 8

i'm sorry yet some issues ensue for a reason, if she replaced into rude to you , you had each and each and every of the reson contained in the global to split at the same time with her. in the present day you may experience that way , that you'll not in any respect love back , yet don't worry you'll. It only takes time to heal. The soreness and loss you experience in the present day are utilizing you loopy , and it would for a lengthy time period yet quicker or later you'll awaken and discover that you'll make it , you'd be ok , and also you're going to adore back. honest caution it wont ensue proper now , it takes time like each and everything else in this global. i wish you discover love back quickly and heal quickly. best of needs!!!

Answer 9

Shamefully, when I was married, I told my wife that I lost my sex drive because of my bi-polar meds when in actuality I was cheating. I finally fessed up and guess what? Im not married anymore. Just thought I would share that with you because it may be a conversation that the two of you need to have.

Answer 10

You're faced with a very difficult choice, one that reaches into the heart and soul of marriage. In order to help you make the decision that most closely reflects your deepest needs and desires I must first raise some of the questions that you appear to be asking yourself. They are:

Must I feel "in love and matched" in order to be happily married?


Is having a "wonderful working relationship" with my partner, "a kind and loving" man, sufficient for a good marriage?


Is the fact that there is "something missing" (intimacy, passion, deep connection) reason enough to end the marriage?


How do I convince myself to let go of this powerful need for passion and excitement, which up to now I've only found in extra-marital relations?
You don't get love on demand; you create love. Love is a choice and an act and it involves the mind as much as the heart. It should never be confused with the spontaneous eruption of the sexual organs which can sometimes fool the heart into believing that what feels good down there is true love. Genuine love is something you build. It comes when you finally decide to make room for another person in your life. It comes when you understand that your partner's needs are at least as important as your own. And it comes when you decide to commit yourself to being a true lover/giver.

Conclusion

I don't know whether you will make a stand for love and choose to leave your husband or whether you will make a commitment to remain and possibly learn to love him. Your husband sounds like the kind of man who would respond positively and lovingly to any overtures on your part. Whatever you do you must be true to yourself. If you decide to love/give, do it from the mind as well as the heart, and if you decide to end your relationship, don't end it by having an affair. End it on its own terms, knowing that you tried to love your husband, but sadly you found that you couldn't. Perhaps you will be like the man in Story #1 who stood by his decision to divorce a woman whom he knew he could never love. Or, perhaps you will discover, like the couple in the second marriage, that when you learn to give fully of yourself, it's possible to turn a dull marriage into a loving one.

Good luck,