I just don't know what I want. Do you have a clue?

Question

I am unhappily married. I have children though. My wife is excellent, though she has betrayed me in the past, a very long time ago if the truth be known. However, I have a problem with forgive and forget. I feel as if my life is contaminated by another man's sperm. I am sickened by all of this. I am sick from it. BUT, I don't want to leave my children and like I said, she is great to me now. And even when it happened, we were separated. But I just don't know how to let go and as a result, I just don't know what I want. I do know that I hate KNOWING what she did over 10 years ago. I am absolutely sickened by it.

What the HELL am I going to do?

I didn't know about it until 5 years after the fact. I stayed because we had two more children and I figured I had already been contaminated by being with her for the previous 5 years. That is why I am here. God as my witness, I would have NEVER touched her again had I know what she did while we were apart.

I'll tell you what I didn't do during our separation. I did NOT keep her living alone, without money while I had sex with my friends spouse for four and a half months. In fact, I did not have sex with anyone. All I did was try to get back to the house. My sin was, however, leaving her in the first place. She waited all of a day or two to begin screwing her friends husband.

Answer 1

Yeah, well, I think all guys can relate to your feelings. But, you're right - there are kids involved and they need both a mom and a dad, preferably, ones that love each other.

This is not going to resolve itself. I suggest that you find a competent marriage counselor and go by yourself - maybe without telling your wife just yet. Find out why you are reacting this way, to the point of being "sick" over it and feeling "contaminated". Those are pretty strong emotions that your wife cannot do anything about. She is, after all, treating you well at this point and may think that you have made adjustments. Obviously, you haven't and you are repressing. That's not a good thing for either of you.

After you figure out where you are at, ask the counselor if it is the right time to bring your wife into the counseling arena. He may want to visit with her separately first.

Whatever you do, don't let this wound fester. It will eventually poison the whole family. You owe it to everyone to take care of this NOW.

Answer 2

Tough situation especially when children are involve. First of all, I don't advocate getting a divorce but I do know what being healthy or in a healthy relationship. But as you pointed out - you're miserable. So...

I think at the back of your mind you already know what you want. How and when you're going to do it is the question here. Betrayal always hurt no matter how you look at it. So be real. Ask yourself if you want to be in this relationship. Yes, you should worry about the kids - especially their well being. But on the other hand, sorry to say, you're living in a divorce society. Life is really short. Kids with a lot of love not only will understand but will adapt to the situation. Make them understand and they usually are stronger than you think.

If you ever find that courage and answer, the main key that left is communication. Communication with your kids. You can walk away and start a new life and feel better instead of "I'm staying because of my kids" and feeling miserable and crappy everyday. Sooner or later it will gets to you and your kids will be the first to witness it. Now, that's a bad move!

Boils down to, seriously, you don't have to live with it or take it. As long as if you ever decided to leave, again, your communication with your kids is the most important and it has to be 3x stronger.

That would make the only common thing between you and your wife has - is the kids. The love you have for her, mmm....I'm sure kinda blurr now or maybe zilt, nada, gone, zoom, zoom, zoom....

So be happy. If it is meant to be - maybe.... you'll get back together but this time you answered your very question, which you should have had answered and done 10 years ago. Then, maybe - there'll be a new energy between the two of you. You'll feel much energize, you'll feel better about yourself and that you have taken an old namesis, the betrayal and the bury it somewhere.

Be happy.

Answer 3

well, it is very comforting to know that neither GOD or Jesus will have to worry about forgiving you any sins! I mean you are a perfect person, and you have lived your life in such a GOD like manner, you have every reason to expect everyone to live a PERFECT life as you have!

No you should not forgive your wife. Neither are you capable of forgiving! A person without virtue, strength or character cannot forgive! They have no power! A King, or the president of a country can forgive. The church can forgive, and those with love can forgive. They can forgive because they have the strength, the power and recognized respect!

You have nothing! Only your own self righteousness! I really would not want to be standing behind, next to or near you when GOD asks you for an accounting of yourself before HE casts you into hell. His anger just might flare out accidentally to others near
or around you!

Since all is her doing, why did you separate from her, being the father of the children? And since you chose to leave her, why should she sit on a rock the rest of her life in hopes that you might decide to come back? That would have been a wast on her part!

Your wife must have a really terrible life, because all you care about is your self! If she stays with you until death, GOD will take her straight into heaven for she will have paid for any and every immaginable sin that she may have ever commited.

Cannot help wondering what you did durring the separation?

Answer 4

That has to be hell, I have a hard time forgiving and forgeting too. It was went ya'll were seperated though so it really doesn't count as cheating, but you have a right to feel the way you do. I know you love your kids but the question is do you love her? Did you love her before you found out? If yes then ya'll can talk it through and forgive her for somethin that happened that long ago cuz atleast she told you.

Answer 5

If you were forgiving enough about it 10years ago to stay with her, then you have to stick with the decision to stay with her. If she isn't cheating anymore and your marriage is doing well, there is no reason for you to feel bad about it anymore. Try telling her how you feel, and that you still forgive her for it. She may not understand, but it will be good for you to say it out loud.
I hate to say, but if you really can't get over it, you may have to separate again. I don't think you really want that.

Answer 6

you may desire to take 7 cabbage, 10 Air Runes, and 3 Small fishing nets to Roddek(he's contained in the development in Lumbridge with the exclamation element icon). i'm one hundred% beneficial of this. I even have already finished it and have the advantages(that's extremely lame).

Answer 7

there are two options that i can see...either forgive forget and move on with your married life with your kids(self sacrifice) or let go of her and find a way to still be there foir your children,at some point your children will get to see that ur not happy with your wife......... how old are ur kids? anyway you have to pick which you think is the lesser of two evils. good luck

Answer 8

takes a big man to admit the truth about the problem, but takes a bigger person to forgive & forget! & dont make the kids suffer having split parents just because your not able to get over it.

Answer 9

I think you need to see a counselor to help you let it go. It was a long time ago and it sounds like she's made an effort to make up for it.

Answer 10

talk to a counselor or psycologist about it. there are others who have gone through the same thing, find out what they did by asking the counselor or google searching it online