We've known each other for ages and I love him very much, but just as a friend. Now that he's spilled the beans I don't know how to handle the situation without hurting him or destroying our friendship. How can I say no to him without offending him? He's a very sensitive person and I think it took all his courage to tell me how he feels.
2006-11-15 17:49:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
However you do it, just be sweet and gentle about it and he won't hold it against you!
2006-11-15 19:20:38 · answer #1 · answered by ina W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me. I told a long time female friend of mine that I had developed feelings for her that went beyond friendship. She freaked. She backed away (literally and figuratively) as if I had some sort of communicable disease. It was terrible for both of us.
We kept in touch, but the friendship was essentially shot. Two years later, she calls me and says that she wants to get together. Then, SHE told me that she had developed feelings for me and that she wanted to get together.
My advice would be to be as kind and gentle as you possible can. Let him down very easy. Tell him how sweet it was to express his feelings for you and how much that means to you. But, be clear that you don't have the same feelings for him at this point in the relationship and that you don't see that ever happening for whatever reasons that there might be. But, ask him if he can be OK with that and not lose the long friendship that has developed. In other words, put the burden of that decision back on him. Let him wrestle with his feelings. Chances are, he will reconsider and decide that a friendship is more important in the long run than a romance with someone that doesn't feel the same.
Oh, and by the way, that girl and I never did get back together. By the time she felt about me the way that I had felt about her, I was over it all. I made the mistake of freaking out when I should have tried to make amends and put the friendship back together, I guess.
Good luck with your situation. I hope the beans can be delicately put back in the pan.
2006-11-16 02:02:27 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it may seem hard and confusing but you have to tell him. don't let him suffer any longer. tell him honestly but in the kindest way you can. maybe you could say that you are not yet ready for a relationship or you think you're not good enough for him or you can tell him that you love him more as a friend than as a lover.
if he is really your friend, he will surely understand you and appreciate your honesty. if he reacts negatively, then let him be. don't run after him. but if you can't go on without his friendship, then maybe it would also be wise to give him a chance. after all, if you're gonna fall for someone, why not for your friend who you know very well?
2006-11-16 02:07:10 · answer #3 · answered by ron_harry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's sad when this happens. It will change your relationship inevitably. Just tell him you love him too but as a friend, as a brother. I'm sure those are the cruelest words you can say to someone who has just professed their love to you. I think you should be a friend and help him through this "loss" because it is going to be a loss to him. He has professed his love, you don't feel the same, and now your relationship has changed forever. It will never be the same.
I think you will both grieve over the loss of your former relationship. I had the same thing happen to me, and frankly, in the end, I had to end it. I could see the hurt in him and as much as I hated to end our friendship, it was best for him, as he could not let go. Someone has to end it.
I don't know you will have to figure this one out, but it just wont ever be what it was, and his heart will be broken, and in the end he may even resent you. Hard to say how it will go. They say life is fair...it breaks all our hearts...this is how relationships go...but people should be considerate of other people's feelings in these situations and a true friend will try to help you through it. In the end our relationship was starting to sour...he even got a girlfriend and stopped doing things with me and would over-shower her as if to make me jealous...so I knew it was time to go for good. Was sorry to see it deteriorate to that after how good friends we had been years before but it was like he was punishing me and kind of subconciously wanted me out of his life at that point whether he knew it or not. He still called after that but it was over for good.
2006-11-16 02:00:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do it isnt going to be the same. He has put his heart out there and you are not going to accept. Just tell him that you dont feel the same way and you just want to be friends. No matter how you do it he is always going to hold that in the back of his brain.
2006-11-16 02:09:14 · answer #5 · answered by NEED HELP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that you dont feel like that with him, just explain that you still want to be his friend. He's probably worried of loosing you as a friend because of the declaration... maybe he'll just move on but try to stay friends.
2006-11-16 02:07:39 · answer #6 · answered by Joe P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you only see him as a friend or like your brother.. he will understand... and eventually accept it..
2006-11-16 01:54:07 · answer #7 · answered by biohazard_emirua 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋