ok so....i juss asked my mom iF she wanted to meet my long time girlfriend and if she can come by for thanksgiving.... she said NO!, she said its unatural and she is not ready to see anyone im dating.... i feel like i get so far with her as far as juss bringing up gay visibility in the world... she seems openminded and accepting...but when we seriouly talk about it and me... i am juss reminded that she does not fully support me at all... it hurts and.. the reality is.... i dont know if she will ever accept me... its so hard for me right now... this gurl im with is the ONE, i can feel it, my gut is screamin gut is screaming it to me... even when we fight i feel it.. you kno wat i mean?... she not goin anywhere... its juss a shame that my mom cant realize that i am for once... seriously happy.... i found the woman that i know i can make it thru everything with and i have no support in this happy time....any advice?...
2006-11-15 17:23:07 · 20 answers · asked by nitenite91 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Maybe your mom is still holding out, hoping that you'll change your mind and switch to men. She may be still adjusting to the fact that you do like women( not sure how long she's known that you feel like this?) I don't think that moms ever really think about one of their kids being gay, they just take it for granted that they'll grow up, meet someone, maybe have kids, etc. etc. I know that when I think about my son, I catch myself doing the same thing( he's just a little guy now though!) BUT, if one day he chooses to be with a man instead, it's not going to change the way I feel about him. He's my son, and I'll love him no matter what. As long as he's happy, that's all that matters to me. There's always the possibility that your mom doesn't dislike the fact that you have a girlfriend, maybe she's just worried that it's going to be rougher on you this way. Mom's never stop worrying about their kids, no matter HOW old they are. If you're sure that this girl is THE ONE, then that's what you should tell your mom. Just say , " hey mom, I know that you love me, and that you worry about me, but this is what makes me happy. Wouldn't you rather see me happy with my girlfriend than unhappy with a man that I don't love? You are my mom, and I need you to be there for me, and to know that your main concern,as far as my sexuality goes, is that I am happy- and I am!" The best thing you can do is to tell your mom what you just told us. She'll come around. It might take some time, but don't give up. After all, she's your mom and she loves you no matter what( that's what moms do!)
2006-11-15 17:39:58 · answer #1 · answered by doodlebugg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most parents do love their children uncondtionally. Unfortunately, some parents are more influenced by society and its social standards than others. My parents, although from the generation of the 2nd World War, are very open-minded and literally told me they accepted me *because* they love me and because they saw i was happy in a relationship with another guy.
Now, I don't know how long you've been with your girlfriend. If it's only for a short while, your mum might think it will "go over soon". When you're together for a long time and she sees this girl makes you happy in all that time, she might realize it's really possible for a person of the same gender to make one happy.
You can try to talk to her, to give her a more representative image of a gay couple than the image given by society. Other than that you can only hope that one day she'll realize there's nothing to oppose against...
Good luck!!! :-)
2006-11-15 19:42:25 · answer #2 · answered by Bart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it comes down to.... Parents see their children as mini thems (if that makes sense)... That's why they unintentionally give on their beliefs, attitudes and values, most kids dont even realise it until they are older and start doing the things their parents do. Your Mum is unhappy because its something that shes not use to, She wanted you to be like that her, so she really doesn't know how to handle the situation yet. You said she seems open minded and accepting which to me indicates that she has accepted the IDEA... If she meets your Girlfriend it will become a reality instead and she will have to deal with it (hence why she keeps putting it off).. You and your Mum sound close so i honestly think she will come round and be happy for you and your Girlfriend. All Mums want is their kids to be happy... Congratulations on finding the "one" hope it all works out best for you : )
2006-11-15 17:45:10 · answer #3 · answered by Shes a Cookie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may not be that she does not love you unconditionally, it may be out of genuine concern. The truth is, that anything not 95% accepted in society is harder to live. She may just be worried that you will have a harder life.
Or she may (also) have deep beliefs that are hard to overcome, especially for her own daughter. Such as, it is fine for someone else but I dont want it for my child.
Eventually she will hopefully come around. If this woman is the one, then she can meet your mother at a later time. Give her time, you are her baby and she just didnt have this planned for you in her dreams. Parents spend a lot of time thinking about their child's future before their child is even 1. It is hard to see these dreams come crashing down for parents, even if they have no problems with the new reality.
2006-11-15 17:33:29 · answer #4 · answered by Monika M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some parents just have a real hard time accepting a child is gay because it goes against their religious beliefs.
Would your friend's parents have you over for thanksgiving rather than the other way around?
Or perhaps you and your friend start your own holiday tradition and have your friends and your families to your house. If your parents don't show up well I guess that's too bad, but you can still celebrate.
Are your parents involved with the parents of gays and lesbians group in your area? You might want to take your mum to a meeting so she can meet other parents with gay children and see that they are accepting.
Just my humble opinion.
2006-11-15 17:30:48 · answer #5 · answered by Lizzy-tish 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Unconditional acceptance is asking too much. Love yes, but there are limits on what can be accepted. There is nothing wrong with mutually enjoyable activities between consenting adults in private, but if any of those conditions are not met, then a parent shouldn't accept or condone the action, not should society. Now that I've said that, your mother sounds like my father, and he never accepted me until he got his only grandchild, even then he wasn't happy with me, just her. If you have found true love with your girlfriend, then you shouldn't let anything come between you, it's your life, and more than that it's your heart. Follow it, if your mother never learns to accept it, that is her loss, it would be sad, but it's her choice.
2006-11-15 18:49:30 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your mom should be happy that you want her to meet your girlfriend. I'm sorry that the two of you can't see eye to eye. Maybe she could deal with meeting your girl in a more casual setting than Thanksgiving. If she got to know your girlfriend and see how you are together, that might quiet some of her concerns.
Best wishes to all three of you.
2006-11-15 17:59:41 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. Switch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will take time. You might want to check out GLAD and get some info for your mom. Just leave it on the counter and that's it. You don't have to go in to a long rant. If it goes on for a while that your mother does not want to meet her then OK that's your moms right but if she is the kind of mother that wants to see her child then.. will don't go see her. When she calls and says Hey lets get together say sure My girlfriend and I would love to see you. If she says no just you then say no mom both of us. Be firm. Don't turn your back on her.. just stand up and say This is me and I am not going away.
2006-11-15 17:43:50 · answer #8 · answered by Chris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your mom doesn't want to be happy for you and wants to alienate you, it's her loss. I'd hate to say it, but there's only so much reaching out you can do. If she refuses to take a step forward and accept you and your partner into her life, she's the one that's losing out. You say she seems to be open-minded, but still has problems accepting your preference and your partner. A therapist might be able to help work through her hold-ups.
2006-11-15 17:35:34 · answer #9 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are asking for advice shows you haven't given up yet on your parents. You want them to accept you unconditionally, while you are putting conditions to them. This is pure hypocrisy. Be a little more open minded and you will get to know why your parents are advising caution.
2006-11-15 17:33:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋