Recently I met this guy when I was taking the class. He came on strong but learned that I am married. I feel the chemistry quite strong also and he's a great guy. What do people do when situation like this happens? I don't know what to do..HELP!
2006-11-15 17:16:48 · 22 answers · asked by xyz 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A temptation is an act that looks appealing to an individual. It is usually used to describe acts with negative connotations and as such, tends to lead a person to regret such actions, for various reasons: legal, social, psychological (including feeling guilt), health, economic, etc.
Temptation also describes the coaxing or inducing a person into committing such an act, by manipulation or otherwise of curiosity, desire or fear of loss.
Q. Where do most sexual affairs begin?
A. I'd estimate that 90 percent begin on the job/husbands friend/ neighbours. The attraction starts innocently - someone "catches your eye." Next comes some small talk, followed by more "talk." Later there's an excuse to be alone—it's just a harmles contact. You share a personal problem or maybe a marital struggle, and your male friend "really understands." First there's a spark. Then an emotional affair ignites. And if the relationship grows, a sexual liaison often follows.
Some sociobiologists believe that there's a biologically driven imperative to explore outside the paired bond (marriage, usually with children) after a certain period. That amounts to a four-year itch, one that can cause those urges you feel now to wander with your eyes, your heart and even your groin. Be forewarned.
Following those drives, whether stemming from a social or animalistic tendency, can get you in plenty of hot water. Think
well before you heed the mating calls and leave your roost.
I suggest you discuss this urge with a counselor who can help and guide you to determine the exact triggers within your life at this time. Maybe you and your mate owe it to yourselves to take the bull by the horns and do something about your malaise in your own bedroom. Perhaps you and your husband have fallen into old patterns of same stuff, different day, and it's worn and boring to think about sex with him. You may be going through some form of the midlife crisis and this is your antidote.
Many feel this sense of longing to go with their e r o t i c flow and try it out with other men. That's often because these people are illusions, fantasies. So try to rearrange your perceptions of those "other" men, who then could become just another husband some day whom you will long to leave for yet another pursuit of your fancies. Instead, explore ways to find that sexy, alluring and attractive "other" right there in your own back yard.
What can be done ? - Take some protective steps:
1. Never meet in total privacy with someone of the opposite sex -keep the door open or cracked. Do not eat alone or sit alone for long durations with a man other than your husband or a family member. Never.
2. Establish a "no secrets" policy in your marriage. Tell your spouse everything. Even share when you're tempted to be emotionally or mentally unfaithful. Temptation is not sin, but a hidden temptation can birth sin.
3. Don't share marital problems with a student/coworker/neighbour/ husbands friend etc of the opposite sex. Never.
4. Be careful about how - if ever - you touch a them.
5. Be ready to flee if caught off guard by a tempting situation.
6. Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART.
With a little effort you will be able to handle this situation.
Good Luck>r
2006-11-15 19:26:27 · answer #1 · answered by Rahul 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you do when a police officer pulls you over? Do you give him the finger? No you don't, you do what you know is right. You stood before God and made vow with your husband to honor, cherish, etc....just because your juices are flowing when you see this guy is irrelevant. Remember the man you married and think back to why you married him and the day you married him. This is an issue of character and whether or not you have any. It's time to look deep in your soul and ask yourself what kind of person you really are. Are you the person your husband thought he married or are you someone that goes around responding to chemistry? What if you follow your "instinks" with this guy and leave your husband and then six months later your feel chemistry for another guy? Be reasonable, check your maturity meter and do the right thing.
2006-11-16 01:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run!
I'm a firm believer in chemistry for other people as a sign that something is wrong in your marriage. If you really want out (and don't have any kids), divorce hub and be with Mr. Great Guy. Chances are that you'll figure out that Mr. Great isn't all that great after a while, but if you feel like you need to follow it through, show your husband the respect that YOU would want, tell him and get out before something happens. (Sorry, seen it too many times, and it's just ugly.)
Also, counseling, counseling, counseling. With a professional. Not a pastor or friend or this guy.
2006-11-16 01:20:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like Sue D's response, but others are pretty good too. How did he "learn" that you were married? After he glanced at your face and body outline, he didn't immediately check the ring finger or does he not know? For your marriage sake I'd keep your distance but still talk to him. Besides, in the dating game there are more men than women to choose from so it's not like he'll be at a loss. There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about him when you're with your hubby though. I'm just sorry if your husband doesn't cut it for you anymore though. Marriage changes things and I only know this from friends being married.
You could go with the first answer to and have a threesome, haha. After all, what good is a cake if ya aint around to eat it?
2006-11-16 02:41:46 · answer #4 · answered by Eric B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When you are married, it doesn't automatically turn off the things that attract people to each other. However, your promise and commitment to your husband is the reason that there should be no contest as to what comes first... your marriage.
Think about how you would want your husband to react if he had an attraction/chemistry with someone he met or worked with? You wouldn't want him to act on it, because you want him to respect his commitment to you.
2006-11-16 01:24:12 · answer #5 · answered by lisa_tilton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would stay away as much as possible. what do you mean you just found out you were married? well since you are married you should leave the other guy alone. If you have no feelings whatsover for your husband then it would not be fair for your husband for you to stay in the marriage you should be honest with him and tell him and then you should get divorced and if you do not belive in divorce or it is not an option then LEVE THE OHER GUY ALONE. But if you love your husband and you want your marriage to work then STAY AWAY FROM THIS OTHER FELLOW.
2006-11-16 01:19:46 · answer #6 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything. You don't have to react to a "chemical" attraction. But, get used to it. It will happen again, probably.
We all find other people attractive after we get married. People find us attractive, too. So what? You made a commitment. You made a promise. YOU ARE MARRIED!
The guy that was attracted to you gets it. He backed off, right? Why don't you? Your life will be much more peaceful, safe, and sweet if you keep your marriage vows. You'll get yourself and your marriage in big trouble if you don't.
And, yes, it really is that simple. Not easy, maybe, but that simple.
2006-11-16 01:23:25 · answer #7 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you did not say weather you are in a gay marriage or straight marriage.If it is a straight marriage and you are saying that your chemistry is leaning towards wanting a man over your straight marriage, then God, help you! and you better tell your wife asap!! don't hide it from her, don't lie to her, respect her, and tell her... and if this is a gay marriage of which I don't believe there is a law that excepts that here, and I do not condone this, but still the same you should respect the other person, just the way you would want them to respect you! O.K.
2006-11-16 02:00:00 · answer #8 · answered by jam b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your married, NOT dead. You can still find men attractive, but you shouldn't be thinking about "acting" on anything! Remember your marriage vows? I think everyone who is married, including your husbands, has thoughts once in awhile, But they soon come back to reality, and snuggle back up to the person they chose to live their life with!!
2006-11-16 01:25:28 · answer #9 · answered by sue d 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Avoid him...Stay away from him..
You will probably meet a number of people
in your life with whom you share chemistry
and an immediate attraction..
Are you going to cheat on your husband and
have an affair with every one that comes along ?
2006-11-16 01:20:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋