I am from denver colorado as is all my family. My husband on the other hand is from a small town in texas. Where we live now. I dont want to be unfair to him, But i want to live near my parents. The big problem is that we have a baby together and his grandparents would be heartbroken if we left. However I dont feel it's fair for my mom or grandparents to miss out on her growing up. He says he wants to move, but eveytime I bring it up he brushes me off with the we dont have the money speech. I cant work here because we only have 1 means of transportation. And none of his family will keep the baby during the day. If I paid for daycare it wouldnt be worth me working. In denver I would have someone to keep her and i could take public transportation. Plus he could find a better paying job, and the baby could go to a better school. Am I being selfish?
2006-11-15 16:50:49 · 12 answers · asked by chenelle o 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its not that his family wont keep the baby it's that they cant. His mom is kinda disabled, and his grandmother cant keep up with her. I would be so happy to be able to stay home with her but we hav'nt been able to pay our rent in like a year. His grandpa has been paying it for us. I'm scared that one day his grandpa wont be able to help us. Hubby has a hard time keeping a job because of his attitude with authority. If something ever happend to his granparents we would probably be out on the streets. Thats why I want a job. I would love to stay home and know that everything was going to be ok.
2006-11-15 17:10:14 · update #1
You are absolutely not being selfish. I understand his family is important to him and the baby, but your family is equally important. The other factors( such as the baby going to a better school and you being able to work) are what make the decision to move a good one. You being closer to your family is just a perk. As far as not having the money to move being his reason to brush you off, maybe he has a point. However, if you feel that he is just saying that to avoid moving you really need to sit down with him and tell him all of the reasons you'd like to move. If he tries to brush you off tell him how important it is to you to make this decision together. Also, make sure his family realized that it's not anything against them and you aren't moving to hurt them. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.
2006-11-15 16:56:49 · answer #1 · answered by Peaches927 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, that's a tough one to answer, but I can tell you this from my own experience, if you want to live near your family and you stay near his family instead, you will have so much resentment towards him, it will cause problems.
It is not easy either way I'm sure because of the Grandparents but you have to do what is best. You are not being selfish if you feel it would be better for all of you in the long run.
2006-11-15 17:07:07 · answer #2 · answered by frustrated 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did either of you address this question B4 u had a child together? If not then it sounds like you will be discussing it for a time being now. If ur family would be willing to watch ur baby sounds like a better deal than what u have there Its the only thing that sounds different yet, positive
2006-11-15 16:59:27 · answer #3 · answered by tryn2thk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish...even though he may think you are...HIS FAMILY WILL NOT KEEP THE BABY DURING THE DAY,EVEN if you paid them???? this is interesting....i would move to DENVER, COLORADO WHERE you would be close to your family, cuz his family apparently won't help out!!! i know i am in my 40's and the other side of the family did not help me out either....BUT, thank God, i only had one child and she is grown and had to get financial aid for college but she's a GRADUATE!!! YEA FOR HER AND ME!!!...(MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS A BIT--)...AND EVERYONE THINKS SHE IS...but she thinks nothing of it!!! go figure..she hate kids also...she is a fake...and try to sabattoge things...the only thing i can do is stay away from her...which I DO...WHEN WE HAVE FAMILY GATHERINGS...SHE IS SOMETHING ELSE!! ENOUGH!!
2006-11-15 16:59:53 · answer #4 · answered by sweet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(MIDDLE IF POSSIBLE). if it betters your family to live near your parents tell him that we will make more money. we will have better education for our child we will have close or even FREE daycare so we can make more money. Tell him it is not about the your parents but it is to better our family to live near my parents. Tell him they will help out so you can go to work so we as a family can make more money. And to better our family it is not about our parents it is about our child who is here or comming here and we need to be able to have a good life for her we need better transpertation bette education we need day care ect and we can not get that here we are now but we can get that in denver say that is why i feel as a family we should move to denver and then say what do you think dont you think that is a good idea considering we can get all what we need in denver?
GOOD LUCK
2006-11-15 16:57:50 · answer #5 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no if you can make a better life for you and your family that is the best thing to do. you don't however have to move back to denver. sometimes being too close to family can cause problems. if you don't have the money then you don't have the money, but i hope that is the real reason why your husband doesn't want to move yet.
2006-11-15 16:55:41 · answer #6 · answered by jahrells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Support your hubby! Be glad he doesnt insist that you work and YOU get to raise your child instead of someone else. Isnt that why you had a child? Or to have it raised by daycare people who wont love your baby like you do?
If your needs are being met...be happy and kiss your husband and tell him how great it is that you get to stay home and raise your child and that youre proud he's such a hard worker.
Peace.
2006-11-15 17:01:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being selfish, you're being logical. Why don't you find a few towns inbetween colorado and texas. It's a scary comprimise, but it's still a comprimise. You could move to a bigger city so both of you could get good jobs and your daughter could go to a better school, and you can both visit your respective parents. Good luck!
2006-11-15 16:58:18 · answer #8 · answered by kameka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u are not. today @ lunch time my 29yr old daughter called me stating that her boyfried is flying out early in the morning to texas. (we live in california).for an interview making $90,000.a year. then she would'nt have to work.then there is our 12yr old grandson. who has lived w/us snice born. he barly has been w/mom for a yr. then her husband is in the big house snice 1995.i feel her boyfriend is being selfish by not talking to us about anything.his family is alway's at thier new house. she needs to take care of business and get a divorce. oh yeh hes ganna take his mom w/them.and she does not feel that we are hurt by this. i do know i could get grandparents rights to see our grandson. but people really need to talk things out before moving away from family. take a trip to your home town and ask hubby to look for work there.then see what comes of this.
2006-11-15 17:15:52 · answer #9 · answered by dounut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since moving to near your parents will get you and him a good job and your children good schools and child care from your folks, then I would say it is a good idea to move there. Your situation here is not good as painted by you. I agree that you move.
2006-11-15 18:37:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋