Grandma at 37~~?

Question

I found out today that my 17 year old only daughter is 5 weeks pregnant. I know her and her boyfriend recently got engaged, but we withheld our blessing until she graduates. However, now I don't know if we should have them go ahead and get married. He wants to very badly, she's just scared to death, which I can understand. I'm only 37 and really not ready to be a grandmother. Husband is taking it very hard. She has some female problems and was actually supposed to have surgery tomorrow but they called to tell me her pregnancy test was positive, we weren't sure she could even have children. Should we take this as a blessing, even though I think their way too young? Should they go ahead and get married now? He wants to, she wants to, but should we let them? I'm so confused and don't know what to do.

He bought her an engagement ring about 2 months ago and they had already decided they were going to get married, he actually proposed to her and gave her the ring last weekend but hasn't asked my hubby for her hand in marriage because he said he wouldn't until she graduates so he let her have her ring for now and was going to ask our blessing once she graduated, so its not something they want to do now just because she's pregnant, they had already decided to get married, just not right now.

Answer 1

i don't think that you should let them get married right now, unless they can financially able to support themselves and a baby. my mom is going to be a g-ma at 37, but i'm 19. so i guess that makes a difference. i am also married, but we made that desicion b/c his insurance wouldn't cover the pregnancy unless we were. and maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

Answer 2

I think that every baby is a blessing, no matter how old the parents are.

I would offer her all the support that you could give to her and advise her to delay their marriage plans. Being pregnant is very stressful and planning a marriage is even more stressful. It's just too much change too fast since she's so young. Personally, I would not give them my blessing to get married at this moment.

I also don't think that two people should get married just because of a child. Is this why they want to get married so badly? Most people I know that got married because of a child are not happy with their current relationship situation (being married).

Also, my mom was 15 when she got pregnant with me and 17 with my brother. If she would've got an abortion, me and my brother would not be here today. I think that everything happens for a reason and she should make the decision about whether or not to keep the child. If she makes the wrong decision though, it's a lifetime's worth of guilt.

Hope I helped.

Answer 3

She shouldn't get married just because she is pregnant. It may be too hard on her to accept responsibilties as a wife, new mother and trying to finish school.
If your religious/moral beliefs don't condem having a child out of wedlock then making her wait would most likely be the best solution for her. If they truely love each other what is waiting a few more months until she graduates going to matter?
Also, by waiting she can see if he really loves her and is going to stick by her and their child, without having to realize it when she is married and they are miserable.

I know how difficult this situation must be for you and your husband. I commend you for being so understanding so far. Please be patient with her and loving to her even though you are disappointed. I became pregnant at 17 (I'm 25 now) and was too scared to tell my mom because she was always so negative towards teenage pregnancy and girls who had children young that I thought she would stop loving me and hate me forever. I ended up having an abortion because I was scared and had no one to talk to about it, which was the wrong reasons to have an abortion. No girls should feel like they will be unloved because they became pregnant.
Try to support her, love her and guide her, she is almost an adult (legally anyway) and fighting her will only cause a strain on your relationship.
Babies often come when you aren't ready, but you just have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps so to speak and get ready because it's coming whether you are ready or not. And you HAVE to be there for the baby and your daughter! I'm sure you will make the right choice and navigate through this sensitive time. Much luck and best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 4

I would wait until she graduates to get married. Now as far as the baby- yes, I feel the baby is a blessing-especially if they thought she could never have children. My mom was the same way with myself- she wasn't ready at all to be a Grandmother. I was 23 when I was pregnant though, not 17. I wasn't married at the time... but I did marry, only out of love though- not because i was pregnant. If you have them wait to get married, they can see if when that time comes if they truly feel the same way. Let it be for love, not because of a baby. I'm sure they both love one another, but waiting shouldn't stop that love.

Now as for you- and not being ready... once my mom held my son, she was ready! Once you see your beautiful grandchild, you will adore him/her and have all kinds of love. My mom was 42 when I had my son. Not too far away from you. Anyways, love that grandchild, don't be afraid.

I wish you and your family the best.

Well then , if he has intentions to marry her after she graduates, that's great! They are on the right start! Just make sure she and he are in love with one another.... babies can break a relationship if they aren't strong now. They are a LOT of work- our son was colicky crying all the time the first two months... and teething was awful as well... but, my husband and I had a strong relationship, and were able to get through all the tough times- even now here and there it can be rough, but our relationship has stayed strong.

Answer 5

I got pregnant with my first child when i was 17 I was not with the father anymore and i was scared. I finallyu told my mom (she was 36.) and we worked it out. A baby (grandbaby) is a blessing at no matter what age. Nobody is really ever ready for that but when it happens everything seems to fall in place. She needs you support and your shoulder to talk and cry on. Sounds like she has a good man there for her though, if they are in love they should get married. The baby will need both mommy and daddy and it will help if they are married but only if THEY are totally sure they are in love and want to spend the rest of there lives together. Congratulation on soon to becoming a grandma. My mother was wonderful for me when I was in your daughters position and i couldn't have done it without her. You are lucky especially if she wasn't for sure suppose to get pregnant. What if next time when she is ready she won't be able to . a baby is a miracle and you are all blessed. Congrats.

Answer 6

It sounds like they were already engaged when they discovered this pregnancy. While I'm not one for rushing to the altar (or justice of the peace), I believe I would support my daughter getting married under these circumstances. (BTW, some states allow marriage without parental permission before age 18-- you might want to check on your state's laws.) So, so many young women and their families have the opposite problem, a father-to-be who has no interest...

It seems like with being pregnant and also having health concerns, it would be best for your daughter to have her guy around. This would give both of them, and you and your husband, a chance to get used to them being a couple before they are a family.

The deed is done. Even if things didn't unfold as you would have liked, they have a baby on the way and will assume the repsonsiblities of parenthood in less than a year. If they want to "do the right thing" and get married, I would give my blessing.

Best wishes to all of you. I suspect your first look at your grandchild will be one of the happiest moments you and your husband will experience.

Answer 7

I would only condone the marriage if it is something that they wanted BEFORE she found out she was pregnant. I do not believe that a baby is a good enough reason on it's own to get married. If they are not committed to each other as well as the child it will never work.
However, if it is something that they really want, why not? They are already going to be parents together, why would you withhold your grandchild the right to married parents? I understand not wanting to be a grandma at 37, unfortunately it no longer looks like you have a choice. Consider it a blessing, regardless, and just be there to support your baby girl.

Answer 8

I can completely relate to your situation. When I was 17 I became pregnant. Just like your Daughter, my boyfriend and I were already engaged. My parents were quite upset about the whole situation. (which I completely understand) My Boyfriend and I wanted to get married before the baby was born. We had made all of the arrangements ect . The wedding date was fast approaching, when my parents told me I didn't have their blessing and if I had the wedding they would not show up. This devastated both of us. We never had the wedding. Now 8 years later we are still slightly bitter about it. Although we have been together all these years we still feel it isn't complete until we finally get married. So my best advice to you is to not hold them back, but to let them go with what they feel is right for their new 'family'.

Answer 9

They made a commitment the moment she got pregnant.
This isn't about YOU and YOUR husband. This is about two teenagers who were planning on getting engaged and eventually married. so I would say let them get married. Help them make this a family. If they barely knew each other it would be another thing. But, they were on their way to marriage so let it be. And if she can't bare another child, this could totally break up her life.

Yes, they are way too young. But, sometimes we just have to roll with the punches. My daughter had a baby without the boy sticking around and believe me that isn't easy. Your daughter sounds like she has a wonderful bf.

For some reason this little one will be a blessing. It will be hard work for the young parents, but, they choice to have sex and to me......if anyone has sex they need to be prepared to be parents.

This is a time for some tough lessons to be learned. Being too young will just give them the excuse to not grow up. When are any of us ready to grow up?

I was a young grandma. Enjoy it, when you have the baby with you people will think it is yours. Sometimes I explain I am the grandma, other times I just smile.

you and the other paraents will be a help, but be sure and draw some boundries.

I believe they will be just fine!

Answer 10

While I generally think that seventeen is too young to get married, if she's already pregnant and they both realy want to then I would let them. I would just explain to them how difficult marriage is and that it's not like the fairy tales and that it's something that you have to go into with the mindset that it is for the long haul, not something that can be backed out of if it gets too tough.

Oh and Congrats on being a grandma. Even if the timing is very poor, as soon as the baby's born you won't be able to help but love it!!!!!!

Answer 11

babies are ALWAYS a blessing. i grew up in a strongly religious and spiritual family and was raised that if you get pregnant before you get married, you get married. ASAP. my views have changed a little since I've gotten older. this is why: children aren't stupid and at some point the child will realize that his/her parents got married b/c mom was pregnant. if the marriage doesn't work, will the child think that it was their fault? you guys have to do what you feel is right for your family, but i don't think i could push my child into getting married right away especially if she has ANY reservations. they are young and it is even harder the younger you are, but you ALL have a WONDERFUL opportunity now that she is having this sweet baby. i would sit down with them both and talk about all of your options and then let them know that although you are both disappointed, you still love them very much and will continue to love and support them both.