Married for 11/2 years and need advice.?

Question

My husband works a job that he is on the clock anywhere from 8 to 16 hours a day. Somedays he works hard others he doesn't even have to leave the house. I work 8 hours a day and am on my feet the entire time. My question is am I wrong asking him to help with the house work and our son. I mean he just had the last week off and sat in front of the computer and did nothing but watch our son all day while I was at work and when I came home I still was asked what was for dinner and had to put our son to bed. On my two days off for the week I cleaned the house and did laundry for the week. So am I wrong for blowing up at him last night because he would not even help me gather the laundry and put it in the truck so that I could take it the laudramat to wash it and then when I got back he didn't even help me carry it in and when I asked him why he did not help me he said because I did not ask him to. Am I just being a total B or am I right in being mad?

when we first got married he use to help me and once in awhile he will help me but then he turns back into mr. a$$hole again.

Answer 1

You are both working full time, but you have to go to the Laundromat, what a drag. Good Luck, you'll work it out.

Answer 2

First, let's define the problem. Are you unhappy with your life or are you furious with your husband?

Ask yourself: 1) Have you agreed with your husband that the family's financial needs demanded these sacrifices? 2) Or, do you feel that you unwillingly accepting a lifestyle that you've never really wanted?

If the answer to question #1 is yes, then your anger and frustration are more a function of the fact that you are no longer satisfied with the choices that you and your husband once made. People and relationships grow and change. Perhaps moving for the sake of your husband's work was once acceptable to you. However, you now understand the price that you and the children have had to pay and it's no longer worth it to you.

If that's the case, then I would suggest that you begin to dialog with your husband and help him to understand the effect moving has had on you and the children. Perhaps, when he fully understands how you feel, he will then be willing to explore additional options.

If, on the other hand, the answer to question #2 is yes, then ask yourself why you've allowed your husband to become so powerful that neither you nor the children have had a say in how this family functions.

Find the courage to assert yourself. Without blaming or accusing, confront your husband. Tell him that you're not interested in making more sacrifices. He must understand that there are two people in this marriage and both have needs and wants. A marriage can only work when there is mutual respect. It might be safer to share your feelings in a letter which will enable him to have the time to think about your concerns.

Remember happiness is a function of self-respect and intimacy. Act to create happiness for yourself.

Good luck,

Answer 3

No you are not being a total B. He's there he should do something besides sit on his butt.

To get your point accross here's a few things you can do; first just do your laundry and your son's laundry. Make sure your son is fed. By that I mean cook enough for him or bring something home for him to eat.

When your husband asks what's for dinner just tell him "whatever you are making" but say it with a smile. Girlfriend, I have been where you are. I totally understand.

In my situation; my husband was home with our kids sitting in front of a pc from the time I left until I got home. I basically did what you are doing right now. Until I got fed up. I'd put in 12hrs at the office. Stop and buy groceries. Unload them, put them away, cook and straighten up each day and at the end of the day he wanted to be "friendly". Well after all that I did day in and day out, I wasn't in the mood to be "friendly" because I was too friggin' exhausted.
My hubby got the hint and started helping out around the house.
Find what is going to work for you to get him to help out. I wish you luck.

Answer 4

A relationship consists of two parts: your part, and this part. However, it is not you doing 50% and him doing 50%. If you add that up and divide by you two, each of you only get 50% out of the relationship. Both of you need to put in 100% of your time and effort into a relationship to get 100% back out for each of you. It sounds like you two need to work something out. From what you've said, it does sound like he's being selfish. However, without a clear view of both it is hard to say. In a household, everyone should do their share of keeping things together. If the laundry isn't done yet, there's no "taking turns" or "oh it's your turn to do it". Each of you need to know a place in the household. If something needs to get done, then whoever gets to it first should do it. And the other one will help after they have completed their tasks. It sounds like your husband should have been busying himself with a lot more than just sitting on the computer. A house and a family is a big commitment so both of you need to be committed.

Answer 5

When you first got married doesn't count. I bet you were a bit different then also. I think you're just mad because he is not showing the attention that he used to, and a little bit resentful that you work when he doesn't, and just plain married for a year and a half. Guess what? You're never going to be totally elated with him, there will always be some point in time that he is not doing what you think is right towards you. That's called being married.
I remember that year and a half mark. I prayed so hard that he would just fall in Love with me all over again. He did, then I had to pray that I would fall in love with him all over again. After thirty years, and a lot of ups and downs, we're still in love. Just remember it's easy to see his faults, now look for yours. And stop trying to keep a score board of who does the most. Didn't you know? Mommies always do the most, it's all right, we get the most from what we do in the long run. Hang tough!!!

Answer 6

You should talk to him. Asked him why he is being such a jerk. To answer your question no you are not being a B*#@H. Husband and wife should help each other out with the house work. You have a full time job and you're doing most of the house work. Your husband needs to get his lazy a$$ and take responsibilty as a family man already. I got maried the same time you did and my husband treats me better and better every day. He still opened the door for me, go out of his ways to do things for me. Husband and wife are suspose to do things for each other. I think your husband is up to something. Try 2 talk 2 him if he's acts like a jerk don't cook for him. Don't clean for him for a month and let him know how it feels. He'll get the picture and appreciate all the good things you've done for him and the family.

Answer 7

I don't think you are wrong at all for blowing up. Just because there are days that he works longer doesn't mean he cant help you....not only do u have an 8 hour job but u have a 24hour job taking care of the household, kids, HIS laundry so his lazy *** can get up and go to his job, .... i could go on and on....just start dumping his laundry in his lap and slap a frozen dinner in the freezer with a sticky note!

Answer 8

You aren't wrong for expecting him to help or being mad that he isn't...but blowing up about it won't help. For a lot of guys you seriously have to tell them in very detailed steps what you want. When you first got together did he ever try to do something, but it wasn't quite the way you wanted it done? If that's the case, and it often is, the husband will often just stop doing things. If he's gonna' be wrong either way, it might as well be the easier of the 2 ways. Do it, and get "fussed at" for doing it wrong, or don't do it and get fussed at for that.....see where I'm going? A lot of women do it and don't even realize it. I am the same way. My husband finally told me why he wouldn't help me around the house, and ever since he did, I catch myself having to just keep my mouth shut because he didn't put a garbage bag back in the can after he took the garbage out without having to be asked. Now that I have "caught" myself a few times, I realize that I was doing it all along. Even little stuff. I used to "fuss" at my man because he would leave his dirty clothes in the bathroom floor instead of putting them in the hamper. Well...now he puts them in the floor in the bedroom in FRONT of the hamper. I can't really complain. At least they aren't in the bathroom floor....

Answer 9

No, you're okay...the communication is shot though. Tell your man how hard you feel you work,but tell him you understand he works hard too. Explain that having him give your son a bath would free time for you to make a good dinner, one that wasn't rushed. Maybe while he cleans up the kitchen afterwards you can put your son to bed, and then you could give him a "dessert" if you know what I mean. You draw more flies with honey than with vinegar. Try to make things a little easier for him when he's at home working, making a lunch for him and leave it in the fridge with a sweet note, etc. Little surprises he doesn't expect will soften him up and make him pay attention to you and if he's not a complete idiot, he'll see the little things you do, and hopefully will repay the favor.

Answer 10

You're totally exhausted and you need him to do his share of helping out. I can certainly understand your getting upset and I bet he does too. But men have a hard time saying I'm sorry sometimes. Also I know some men who were raised by women that did all the work around the house and then their sons grow up thinking that's the right way...for the man not to do anything around the house...if that's the case with yours I'd have a long talk...and get some things worked out..

Answer 11

No, he should help around the house too.

Sit down with him after your emotions have cooled a bit. Talk with him in calm tones and explain to him that although this situation is frustration, you both need to help around the house to get in order.

Together come up with a list (written) of things you each can do to pitch in and help around the house...together. If he can't cook, maybe cook up 5 meals at the beginning of each week and have him pop them in when he's home.

You both need to take control. Blowing up at him was your honest reaction, although it was a reaction you're probably regretting. Remember--you are a team! You married him for a reason.