I want to kill myself?

Question

I have so many problems but everyone who knows me think I'm the most luckiest happiiest person.My husband is mean 85% of the time and the other time he is nice.I think its because he needs my hlp.He is turning 40 and I'm forcing myself to have this big party for him to make him happy.I help him all the time with any paper wrk(resumes, to work for him whatever) but he is never ever there when we( my kids and I) need him.I don't know if he is using me or if I'm crazy but he hurts me all the time and I can't take it anymore.please don't write anything mean I have no other way of talking to anyone because they view me as someone else.I want to get a divorce but I don't know anything about how to do any of it & I'm afraid I will not be able to take of me and the kids,I'm 12yrs younger than him and I have no interest of ever getting married or to hve another relationship, I wish I had someone that I cud talk to and not get treated differently afterwards.How long does it take to get ovr a man

Hi all the wonderful people, Thank you for your kind and caring answers..I cried all night reading your replies because you are all soo right..I haven't killed my self and I will print this out for me to read next time..I have contacted some people and they have all given similar advice as you have..the most important or the first thing is I need financial ability and inform myself of things outside home..I get asked out at least once a day from someone but I do not think I ever want to love again or start a relationship..because I don't have the heart anymore..I love my kids and they are young and the sweetest kids..I guess I have been blessed. Thank you once again and I do want to you to know your well thought answers matters to who ever it is you are writting to because it matters to me and I will take up that chance to contact who ever you are who left an e-mail address for me Thanks..I'm hanging in here:)

Answer 1

Sounds like your feeling trapped. If you are not happy you should get a divorce. I'm sure it's not hard to find out how cuz 50% of marriages end in it. You will most likely keep your kids cuz the courts rule in favor of the mother. To get over a marriage it will most likely take as long as the marriage was. Tell him how you feel and if he is not willing to try to make a change ( like go to counseling) have a separation for awhile to let him no what he is missing. If this doesn't work or it's only a temporary change then you should really take a look at your life and think about what is best for you and the kids. Don't put yourself through hell if you don't have to.

Answer 2

Killing yourself is not the answer. And I do not think you truly mean that you want to do this.

First stop and think about your children. They need you and your absence will be extremely hard on them. They are innocent and they need love!

Secondly, your husband has a lot of mental issues and needs help. He has severe low self-esteem, anger, and not to mention domestic abuse tendencies. I strongly believe that he needs to seek help because if he does not he will not get better! Tell him to go and seek help soon and if he refuses encourage him to do it!

Third, were any of his behavior problems present before you got married or did you know about it and hope he would change over time? I think you should have a long heart-to-heart talk with him about this and seriously tell him how you feel in a civil manner. Seek family counseling because you never know his behavior may be affecting the children too.

Why doesn't he help you? He should be acting responsibly but something is keeping him from doing so. It could possibly be that he just doesn't care because you are there to pick up the pieces. Stop doing so much and tell him to start satisfying his obligations as a husband and father.

And lastly, there is such a big gap in age between the two of you. What was your reason in making a decision to marry him? Were you looking for a father figure or was he looking for someone younger than him to control?

If you are not sure about divorcing him then I would suggest you do not until you are absolutely sure. DO NOT think that you cannot make it without him. Do you want happiness or stay stressed out on a daily basis? Choose your options and answer wisely.

If you do separate or divorce you can file and request child support, alimony, or spousal support. You need to contact the Family Court Division in your state and ask the specifics about them.

I know that this is hard and taking a toll on you but you also need to think about your mental health. Getting help for yourself would do you so good. Venting and finding out your options to cope with family situations will do you a world of good.

God Bless and I pray that you will make the right decision and get the help you need.

Answer 3

if you love him than get counsling. If not get a divorce. You are no good to you kids thinking of hurting yourself. I am sure as most mothers do that you love your children above all else. For there sake do not hurt your self. Now to deal with your husband. Being mean 85 % of the time is unacceptable. You need to go back to why you married him in the first place. What drew you two together. Why did you want to marry him. Ask him the same questions. Tell him how you feel ask him why he is so mean to you. He may be subconsciously upset about something ask him he just might tell you. I hope everything work out for you. Be strong and remember nothing can happen than you should take your own life.

Answer 4

Since you are doing the majority of his paper work possibly handling the finances i would start by channeling some of this money into your account (one he can not get to or suspend when you leave, I would have a plan on where to go so that you and the children will be safe. I would suspend all contact with him once you leave the house, not even a clue as to where you are until things calm down. Keep in mind he has the right to see his children just set up a place with a supervisor you both trust for him to have time with the kids if he asks. I would look at getting set up in a transitional shelter and work on gaining employment skills or polishing up your current skills. I would document any thing abusive, and have it tucked away some where safe. When you are set go. Life is to short and your kids are to important to be with out their mother so killing yourself is out of the question, however if this keeps creeping into your mind please talk to some one about it.
I wish you luck and things will get better

Bob

Answer 5

Dear Betsy C., I really hate to hear you say that, because even though you feel all alone right now, you are not. I have been right where you are , and I too had feelings like you are having, but there was one thing that stopped me and that was I had a daughter. I knew that she needed me and I wasn't going to leave her there to be raised by her father. I know that he has probably beaten you down and that you no longer have any self confidence, but you have to be strong, if not for yourself, then for your children. There are people out there who can and will help you. There are shelters that you can stay in and people that will help you get on your feet. Alls you have to do is make that first phone call. So Betsy, reach deep inside of yourself and find a tiny part of the person that you used to be ( she still exists in there you know ), and make that choice not to live like this anymore. There are people waiting, all you have to do is reach your hand out......

Answer 6

If only for the sake of the kids DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. The hurt takes time but it will make you stronger. You're not the only one who has been in this situation; there are support groups where you can talk to people and also learn how others have dealt w/ this. He is the problem not you. See a lawyer and they will outline the process for you. they can also ask the judge to have him pay the lawyer's fees. A consultation usually is free if not just go to another lawyer. It will get better for you and the kids it's just hard right now.

Answer 7

It sounds to me you should seek professional advice from a counselor rather that from here. Just know this: no matter what the circumstance, there is always a solution and ending your life will not solve the problems. Think of how your children will feel if you end your life. Just keep your mindset straight for now, just do whatever it takes to keep everything running as smooth as possible and talk to a relationship counselor. And do it quickly, you don't want this to escalate. The worst thing you can do (other than to kill yourself) is to keep all of this inside you.

Please don't become another statistic.

Answer 8

I had the same problems with my marriage. He was mean then nice, back and forth. I felt like I had no other choice but to file for divorce from my husband who is eight years older than me. He's 35 and I'm 27. We got back together and things were fine. Then it all happened one day all over again, and he left. I find myself, wanting him back, but he doesn't want that, and it hurts so bad. I don't know how long it will take. We have two young children together, and it is hard on them as well. I wish you and the children the very best. I know what it is like trying to please him, even when it is difficult to do so, just trying to make that person happy so that they will be nice, and with hopes that things will work out with the marriage and be better. I know that it is hard also to find a descreat person to talk to as well, that won't get fed up. If you want you can email through this site if you want someone to talk to, who knows what it is like, and is going through the same thing.

Answer 9

I am sorry that you feel the need to end your life but that is not the best solution. You're looking to end the pain, numbness and frustration of the situation you're currently in. The way you describe how things are going for you, I'd say you are suffering from depression. Your husband has emotionally wrecked you and drained you so much that you'd be willing to do anything to end this. No form of abuse is acceptable, not physical or emotional. You deserve to be treated with love and respect at all times.

Stop stressing yourself by trying to make him happy. You should focus on making yourself happy and healthy so you can provide the best possible life for yourself and your children. Now, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. The bruises from mental and emotional abuse last much longer than bruises from physical abuse. Call them for support, an escape plan and resources to help you get on your feet. You are strong and fearless and you can make that step to leave, if you put your mind to it. You also have to consider what this is doing to the children. Do you want them to grow up thinking that it's ok for a man to mistreat a woman in this way? Or for a woman to accept this type of treatment from anyone? Your every move is shaping their thought processes, self esteem, and future relationships. You are more than capable of caring for yourself and the children. Don't feel you have to stay in that negative situation just to eat and have shelter. You have more support and resources available to you than you realize. Call that number when you're alone and you'll be able to see your options. Just know that this decision can improve the quality of your life and you can be free from feeling depressed and suicidal. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. You deserve the best that life has to offer, don't settle for anything less than that. Feel free to contact my anytime, ([e-mail]) I've been through what you're enduring now. Leaving was the best thing I ever did for myself and my child. Best wishes. Know that prayers are going forth for the safety and well being of you and your children. Be encouraged.

Answer 10

My dear: You can weep all you want, but at the end it is you who will have to handle your problem. There are many women out there with far worse emotional and I am sure physical problems, so from that perspective you should feel lucky. Try talking to your husband, tell him honestly that you are on the brink of breaking apart and that if he doesn't get his act together, you are leaving him no matter what. But before you give the ultimatum, make sure that he fully understands you and that you fully understand anything he has to say. He may have problems of his own that he would like to voice out to you. It is a two-sided situation, you know. Wish you luck.