What do you think of my story?

Question

Family-Episode 11 Season 2-News-
“Vanessa, you idiot!” Robot yelled at her. He grabbed her body and threw her torwards to the wall and she burst to Lego pieces. He then idiotically slammed hisself too into the wall bursting into pieces too. The dog was ruffing about the television that told of some new NEWS casters while Vanessa and Robot were putting their selfs together. “Let’s go to the audtion,” Robot said.
“No, we shouldn’t,” Vanessa barged in.
“D*** b****!” Robot begins to choke Vanessa and then she chokes him and then the dog jumps up and Robot chokes the dog’s head too with one hand. After a few seconds, everyone was apart on the floor. Jago comes in from the door. “Why do they always kill each other?” At the auditions: Everyone messed up and got rejected except the last group...When Robot sat down he yelled out, “This seat is hot! It’s red! It’s a red seat!”
“It’s just a chair!” The director yelled back. A while later...The news went perfect! They all got the job! “AND NOW THE CHANNEL 6 NEWS AT TEN!” The annoucer said. “Good evening, I’m Vanessa Mendez,” she addressed, “And I’m Robot,” Robot said. “Jon Bine Ramsey’s killer is in bars...of candies!!” Vanessa started. “On Hersheys, OH HENRY, LOOK, and-”
“What the -BLEEP- are those names for candies!?” Robot interrupted.
“There is a cure for cancer, scorpions from Africa and I am not kidding! See my eyes-I mean it and I tell you I’m not lying!” Robot got close to the screen.
“And the bird flu, where is it now? And how come WE never die from it? Well the REAL world can deal with that s***. Don’t trust your government,” Vanessa wishpered the last part to the screen.
“And now the wheather with-THE D*** DOG! Will show us it,” Robot yelled crazy.
“Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff,” the dog said in it’s language.
“Thank you dog, now with sports with Jago Night,” Vanessa adressed Jago.
“In sports...OH WHO GIVES A -BLEEP-’IN -BLEEP-’S DONKEY’S A**!!” Jago huffed and puffed(it’s not little riding hood).(toon)News went by. Crazy times were bisexual. Those times were of little Rieces Pieces and all those times were pieces of crap!! Yeah, CRAP!”(toon over)
“Were cancelling the news,” the director said.
“WHAT!!!!!!” The group screamed and that scream sent a woman’s wig and boobs off(transvestite), a crew member’s skin flew off and a obese woman sweat so hard that she lost a ton of weight.
“We need news!” Vanessa commanded.
“Another network bought this network and will replace the a lot of people, especially the news people, bye,” the background was being taken down as the director and crew left. All four looked at each other and killed each other in a instant. THE END!

Answer 1

well done, keep up the excellent work!

Answer 2

nicely, for my maximum recent tale, i replaced into inspired through television. commonly television conjures up me in any case. yet this one is diverse. i replaced into observing Terra Nova on television, and in spite of the actual shown actuality that it wasn't that large of a educate, I nonetheless observed the skill in it. and then i determined that writing a diverse with dinosaurs will be so cool, and some thing so compared to some thing i have ever performed earlier. So then I embarked on all this making plans with a number of those diverse characters, and it replaced into going to happen contained in the jungle with dinosaurs. Then I persisted the making plans procedure and rewrote outlines. Then i began, and wrote a poor starting up i ended up scrapping. And now i have were given the conception down. And the humorous project is, dinosaurs are not even area of it anymore. So the project that fairly inspired this novel, would not even exist contained in the unconventional anymore. It does nonetheless, although, happen contained in the jungle, although the conception is almost thoroughly diverse from the unique inspired theory.

Answer 3

1) Grammar and spell check. There are places that don't make sense, maybe to you but not to use.

2) Don't end with "THE END." The end should come naturally. If you have to tell people that it's the end, it's not completed yet.

3) Rework it, but don't give up. This is only your first draft, right?

(Don't use parentheses. And don't use slang--like boobs)

LEARN TO TAKE CRITICISM--THIS STORY ISN'T PERFECT! Do you really need a bunch of strangers to make you feel important by lying to you? A true writer knows that his work is never finished.

Answer 4

I might like it, if I read it.
But I didn't, 'cause this is a Q&A site, not the Book of the Month club site.

Answer 5

hahaha, very nice. like the Bird Flu part. very good point.

Answer 6

Mmmm, what'd you say? I scrolled down so fast I couldn't understand you.

Answer 7

too much killing, it might provoke someone of a lesser mentality to kill innocent Legos..

Answer 8

Work of a genius.

Answer 9

It's pretty long and doesn't make much sense.

Answer 10

to long