real situation: worse case scenario?

Question

my fiancee and me have been together for over 9 years, and two children. we dont have much in common other than the kids and pretty great sex when it happens. he is gone from home alot. i also have two other children still at home with me that dont belong to him but they have gotten really close. i dont know if it just me but i have been feeling really distant from him lately. he works out of town, we see each other only every other week. he says he has to work to make the bills but i work too. we do have alot of bills though. i call him we dont talk much. it just seems like things r really gettin worse. when i tell him that we have a problem he shrugs it off and says i just am stressed out. i really dont want to throw in the towel but is seems like he isnt given me much option. i just cant get thru his head the importance of this situtation. has anyone out there been thru this if so how did u work it out??

Answer 1

If he is not responsive of your feelings then it's time to put an end to it. It will be hard but, a lot of times it becomes something we are used to so we stay. Once you get used to the idea that it is really over you will see you are better off. Sounds like maybe you two are done jsut can't come to terms with that yet. The sooner you do the better it will be life is too short to be unhappy.

Answer 2

First, let me say: 4 kids, a job, bills piling up, and a man always away can be hard on anyone.

But everybody in long-term relationships has periods of doubt, periods where they doubt if they are appreciated, periods when they feel distant from their parter.

Whenever I feel that way, I try to bring as much positive energy to the relationship as I can, and 9 times out of 10, i'm paid back 150 percent. Here's some tricks I use:

Stop before you say anything and ask yourself "am i saying this in the most positive way?" so "I feel like we are growing distant" becomes "I want us to be closer." and "You are away so much" becomes "Let's make the most of the time we have together." It's not about the problem, it's about the solution.

Make a list of things the other person could do to make you happy. Try to keep it simple, like "give me a backrub" or "do the dishes after dinner." Exchange lists with your partner and make an effort to do at least one thing off the other person's list each time you see each other. Even if the backrub hurts or the dishes have food specks, make sure you appreciate the effort.

Make another list of the things the other person already does that you are grateful for. Exchange lists and keep yours somewhere you can find it when you are in doubt.

Last but not least, remember that feelings are not facts. There is always another side of the story, and you won't know until you talk about it.

Best of luck to you

Answer 3

I went through this with my ex husband. He worked out of town and we saw each other only on weekends. Eventually, we grew apart, among other things. Bascially, if your husband isn't willing to talk to you after several attempts of trying to communicate with you...then you need to take it to the next level by showing him you are serious. Show him you really need him to talk to you about this. You guys may have a lot of bills, but your relationship needs just as much attention as the money situation. There is almost always another option for work other than working somewhere where you only see each other every other week. Don't let him tell you otherwise. Nine years is a long time to throw away. I was with my ex for 8, we were only married for 3. Take it from me, this is something you want to get him to pay attention to. I don't want to see someone else head down the same road I did. Good luck!

Answer 4

Separation and stress can cause a lot of problems in the best of relationships...but, you have 9 years and 2 children with this man, he is hard-working, and is close to your 2 children who do not belong to him. I would say you have a gem there! The next time he's home...arrange for child care and the 2 of you go out for a special dinner and a movie...and a night at a nice hotel (if possible). This relationship is well worth working on. Good luck!

Answer 5

I am actually going through something similar right now. My husband and I have 3 children together and I currently only get to see him 3 weekends a month. When we talk on the phone we don't have much to say and when he is home we seem distant as well. My theory on this is that couples that have been together for so long will have a time where things are just "blah". Nothing seems right and everything seems like it's going crazy. I wouldn't worry about it. Things will get better with time. It's just a phase. You have your high times and your low times- right now you are in a low time and it's a long drive up hill.

Answer 6

I think the real problem is money. He wants to provide for you and the kids and him working hard for it is the only way he knows how. He is already stressed out enough. Don't make it worse by talking about it, it will only start an argument.

Answer 7

yes my girl has and he was cheatting on her. with a girl where he works at. but he always took and said he had to go to work and that he would be back in a while and its hard to picture why a guy would do it. but its hard to try to figure it out. but you should let him know that you are having a problem with it and see what is going on if you think that he is lying then tell him its over so you and your kids don't get hurt.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Marriage counseling.

Answer 10

Sorry but no, thankfully I haven't had to go through this yet. Good luck.