I'm feeling so depressed, and i don't know what to do!!?

Question

This is not really a question... its more of a statement... what should i do? I got into an argument with my sister today... I have been living with my mother the last couple of months b/c i had to leave me old place, and now im looking for another place of my own, the situation is my sister is 30 she takes tylenol for the kodien, she also takes nyquil, she has no kids, cheats on her b/f who is in jail, she sleeps around and then passes judgement on other people. I have only slept with one man ( my childs father) we have been together for 9 1/2 years we have a 6 year old son together and i am pregnant again (30 weeks) i admit me and my b/f have our problems and i admit that i am far from perfect and far from the perfect parent, but i try my best. I am only one person and try to be the best i can be, and do the best i can do, by myself with no help from other people including the father he is there but not really, the only reason he is still in the picture is because i dont want my

kids to grow up without a father figure in their life!! Anyway... My son was not listening to me, so i yelled at him to go upstairs in his room and that i didnt want to hear him up there (meaning he is not to talk he was going for a time out) and she told me i was a bad mother, and that if she had to be a mother like me she would never want to have kids...Like i said i am only me and can only be the best i can be, and i try but i know i am not perfect, far from... but who is she to cast judgement on me when she doesn't have kids, she doesn't know half the problems or stress that i know or have been under...What she said to me really hurt, she of all people should know what i have been through what do i do? help!!

i certainly do have my hands full, lol. I have abslutly no support from the dad i am trying to find a place of my own i am working and although it is hard i have been supporting myself and my son by myself. however my mom has been helping my the past few months. me and the babies father are not going to get married, hes too immature to be a husband, man he's too immature to be a father. What do i want for my kids? i want them to be happy, i want them to know i love and care for them with all my heart and that i am trying my best, what do i want for myself? i just want to live happy!!

Answer 1

I'm not sure why you want further feedback - the 3 previous answers are all you need.

I would say though - "not much of a father" and remaining "for a father figure" is passe.

If he won't back you up - then your kids will grow up thinking "father figure" is the equivalent of "wuss" and govern themselves accordingly.

Your sister is not the crispiest chip in the bag and has had her own string of bad choices - she likely realizes this and uses attacks on you to validate herself to herself.

The bottom line is - You already know what you need to do... you don't need us to tell you - you're bright enough to know the "whats up" and "what abouts". If you thought someone else held the answer that you didn't you would have "heard" the words of the first 3 messages.

The kids are number 1, and if your boyfriend can't help you there - then remove him and the sister from the picture.

It sounds crass - but "suck it up" and "do what you know you gotta do"

I'll be thinkin' about and prayin' after you, my hope is that you will be beaming in 3 months - sure it misses Christmas - but there was no hope before that point anyway

By the way - you're asking for help and not bashing those around you - in my books that makes you an adult... can those around you say the same?

Answer 2

It's certainly very hard just to be a parent, let alone to be a single parent, which you basically are. I have not read anyone else's answers because I wanted to give you my opinion without it being tainted by other peopl's thoughts. I think you need to keep going as you are and try to forget the harsh words your sister spoke to you. This is very hard I know, perhaps you could even sit her down and talk to her and tell her how you feel. She obviously doesn't completely understand your situation, even though she should and she also obviously doesn't understand that once you have a child, life changes dramatically and you are no longer number 1. There is this little thing running around that depends on you completely. Try your best, be all you can be, perhaps it's time to move on from your children's father, he sounds like he's really not worthy of you. Also, realize that your sister's world is all about her for right now. It hurts, I know, but only you cancontrol your situation. If you talk to her without yelling, just explain what's going on with you, if she understands then great, if she doesn't, then don't be too hurt, as I said, she is more concerned about herself right now. Don't yell at her or get into an argument or even bring her faults into the conversation, make it about you, and if all else fails, then relish in the thought that you are a good mother and you are doing all that you can and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks of you,even your sister. Good Luck

Answer 3

You do sound very stressed. You need to find something that will recharge your battery. Whatever can make you forget about responsibilities for little while and let your body relax. Exercise can do wonders, or yoga. Tell your sister how you feel and don't let her tell you what your doing wrong parenting cuz that will only make you feel bad about how you are parenting. If you are holding back from your sister cuz you don't want to start an argument then you should approach her when you are both calm. As for your b/f it sounds really weird that you'll have his kids but won't marry him cuz he is too immature ( I don't mean to judge and if your kids weren't planned I have over stepped my bounds) I am sure you have your reason for staying with him these 9 1/2 years but he should really help you out by taking the kids so you can have a break if he is immature shouldn't he get along with kids then?. I know that's why I do. No one should expect you to be super woman not even yourself cut yourself some slack. Your stuck in a crappy situation and things will always get better it just takes longer sometimes.

Answer 4

Hi Romy, WOW, You do have your hands full. Your sister needs to mind her own business. You did the right thing about your son not minding you. Your sister is TROUBLE and i can tell she stresses you out alot. Sweety you have enough problems with out stressing over what your sister does.The best thing is when you can afford it find a nice place and move out.You may want to see if you can get welfare help. i know with you and 2 kids one on the way they will make up the different if you don't make alot of money. You should be proud of yourself getting as far as you have gotten without help. But now is the time for help.
Congrats on your second child. May the baby be healthy and everything in place. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are not a good mother, your really a great mom. A Friend.

Clowmy

Answer 5

Wow? You have your hands full. Well to start out with do you get child support? Do you have places that go according to your income? You need to get away and find a place of your own. Having two kids will be a handfull. Do you have anyone else to help you? Are you and the baby's father going to get married? What do you want for you and the kids? Being depressed is hard. I have gone through this a lot. You need to sit down and find out what your choices really are. Does your mom want to help you.? You seem like a bright person. you can do this if you want to. Just answer the questions and see where it takes you.

Answer 6

WOW! I feel for ya girl! 1st of all tell ur nosey sister to mind her own! U are under alot of stress. It's hard enough to be preg w/all the emotions and stuff then not to have any1 who really helps, god! I think ur doing the best u can and every1 else should not throw stones. Tell her when she gets her life in any kind of order then come back. Those kids r the only thing that matters! And I think u need to correct them and make them have respect for u. I can't stand to b somewhere and hear a BRAT screaming or being a snot. And the parent just going on w/their business. U just worry about u and ur kids and do whats best 4u! I admire u! I don't think I could do it. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Wow? You have your hands full. Well to start out with do you get child support? Do you have places that go according to your income? You need to get away and find a place of your own. Having two kids will be a handfull. Do you have anyone else to help you? Are you and the baby's father going to get married? What do you want for you and the kids? Being depressed is hard. I have gone through this a lot. You need to sit down and find out what your choices really are. Does your mom want to help you.? You seem like a bright person. you can do this if you want to. Just answer the questions and see where it takes you.

and it may help to mayb go to a "MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC" i went to one and it really help wif mi DEPRESSION that i had so mayb go and see some one it may help!!!

im not sayin that ya mental u just might need to see sum1 and just tlk to them but yea i think that u shld go and see if that wld help and if it doesnt just mayb go and do stuff outside mayb in da garden or otha things out side or go and visit ya frendz or sum thing but that is all i cld most probably tell ya sorry thats all i kno

email mi if ya want

vergrosserungskraftmein
uneingeschranktwelt
@hotmail.com

add the three peices together k

k luv ya and hope u get beta

Emo_Blade!!!!!

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Answer 8

I wouldn't really worry about what your sister has said to you. She sounds like she has her own issues and she is angry that your life is somewhat put together. Just remember- no parent is perfect and we ALL make mistakes. I know that I remind myself of this all the time. I'm scared of screwing my children up- but I can only do what I feel is right for them. The same goes for you. Trust me- if she ever has kids and she doesn't punish them for misbehaving than she is going to have a WILD CHILD on her hands. Don't let her get to ya hun! You are a good Mom and if you are doing the best you know how and doing what's right for your child- than you are always gonig to be a good mom. Mistakes and all.

Answer 9

1st U R not alone. There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother ((or sister)) & they that rest in the LORD shall (& will) renew their strength.
I've a story to share (& perhaps over time will), but to make a long story short, it's easier for one to recognize the thorn in another's eye than it is to recognize then one in their own. I can easily point out your faults, weaknesses, errors, etc but cannot always see my own.
When dealing with family, this is something one's got to remember. Also, had I (a complete stranger) been able to strike the same nerve. . . Or is it b/c the critique comes from a close relative?
Remember, it takes alot of self-sacrificing to be a mother or a father. Unfortunately women & men alike fail their offspring d/t selfishness and pride. Love your sis, but never take advice from a rebellious indiv, or accept counsel from someone who knows not GOD. U'd know such a person by their fruit (their life/lifestyle, how they handle conflicts that come with living, etc).

Besides, kids being sent to their room, spankings, etc don't make a parent "bad", failure to teach children the basics such as respect & honor, good and bad, does define a "bad" parent. . . I'm a firm believer in spare the rod (not necess beatings). Even GOD applies firm correction when we are wrong. . .That's b/c he loves us enough to offer correction as needed to keep us from traveling the broad & wide path to hell.

Answer 10

Getting into an argument with your sister probably won't help matters and may just cause more friction. It might be a good idea to write a letter to her and ask her to read it when she has the time. Don't ridicule her in the letter and try not to come off like "poor me!" just try to write the facts and ask her to try to understand. To soften things up you might even want to ask for her advice. Whether she gives it to you and if you use what she says is up to you. Some places that run day care centers for kids might work with you on the cost and a payment schedule. Can't hurt to try. I don't know what your work, R & R, house work, etc. schedule is but it might be a good idea to SCHEDULE a "FOR CERTAIN" time that you and your children know will be set aside for just you and them to be together. Have a sort of :family time" do stuff you and they like. such as take them to a playground, a park, watch TV, rent a vedio, read to them, go shopping....whatever- but try to make it a easy going, family, quality time. It might be a good idea to have a set time for homework and school matters to be done before the kid/s do anything. Help them with the home work and some sort of a reward for a job well done (good grade, cleaned room, helped around the house, etc.) is a good idea too. The reward could be something small like a little money, a candy bar, pop corn, use your imigination. Depression: Be good to yourself. Eat right sleep right, hang around with people you like and like you. Get your mind off your problems if you can. Watch the news or some TV show, read something and get your mind on those things. Just talking to someone ususlly helps, You could have a friend go with you when you do things with your kids. You'd have an adult to talk to and share with. Father...You might be better served staying away from him. If you can prove he is the father, there might be a way you can have the courts force him to help you pay for things. If he's the dad, he needs to take responsibility for his actions. You could try a dating service or an online dating program to see about other men. Tell the truth when telling about yourself in such a program and if you go out with another guy...don't make the same mistakes you made before. Try going to a church. Talk to the pastor and see if they have any programs or funds that could help you. Going to church would be a good thing for you and your kids to start doing.. Since the father has little contact with the kids, it might be a good idea to have a male family member or close friend to come over fairly often so the kids can be in the company of a man. If he could get a little involved with the kids like helping with home work, helping learn how to play sports, read to them...things like that, might be a good thing. Can you afford a quality place to live on your own? You don't want to get a place just to have to leave because you can't afford it. And you don't want your kids to grow up in some rat hole. If you need your moms help, would she be willing and able to go to your place? If you have to answer "no" to either of the above questions, you might be better off staying where you are. Maybe going to a job service to help you find a higher paying job would be a good idea too. Best Wishes & God Bless...