My wife left me for my best friend what should I do???

Question

This happen back in June we have 2 kids together we were like soulmates, we never argued and could talk about anything. 2 months erlyer my best friend of 16 years left his wife and we let him stay with us then one day when I came home from work he told me that thay had fallen in love with each other and he just wanted to be happy, so needless to say i kicked them out then as a few month went by we sleped together a cuple times and she told me that she wanted to be with me agen but when I went to pick her up she changed her mind. 3 weeks ago he went to jail and she came back, it was like family agen and it felt good but the other day he got out and went back to him and now I'm along agen and I'm missing my family, the kids are going to hate it all over agen. I love her very much and am willing to change every thing for her, I always wanted to marry her but I have a hard way of showing love. she asked 3 questions erily under my name, you can read them and get her side to,no room 4 detal

Answer 1

Honey, first of all he wasn't your best friend. It's apparent his wife through him out for a reason and everyone knows that another man's wife is completely off limits. That's why they invented the saying "Who needs enemies with friends like that". Second, she's not your soul mate. You put this women up on a pedastel and portray her to be something that she is obviously not. I was cheated on, by a person who I thought was my soul mate. Not a thing wrong in our marriage and yet, he strayed...hell, he even took it a step further and knocked me up while he was cheating just in case I discovered his affair (with my supposed best friend too). He knew I valued family and thought that was his insurance policy that I would never leave him. I now have an 8yr old reminder on how quickly things can fall apart. We are still together, but it was because he firmly ended the affair and we worked on what was wrong....I also had the chance to learn who he REALLY was (not at all the knight in shinning armour I portrayed him to be).

Your wife doesn't seem to be able to make up her mind. On one hand she wants the convenience and security of family. On the other, she wants this new "bad boy" and some excitement in her life. It doesn't make for a good mix honey...especially if you are willing to change everything about you to accomodate her. There is nothing wrong with you and you need to get that into your head. You also need to realize she's not the "angel" you portray her to be. SHE CHEATED. She threw caution to the wind, committed the ultimate betrayal, risked her family, altered the lives of her children and messed you up beyond belief. I know that hurts to hear...but dont' just hear it....listen to it...believe it....read it again if you have to hon....let it sink in. You are about to embark on a series of emotions that are going to have you holding on for dear life hon. I've been there and many others will tell you the same. We understand your need to keep your family together, we understand that all those feelings you have for her dont' just go away....but speaking from someone who's been there and survived it....you need to take yourself outside of the box for awhile. Let her go and do her thing and you do your job in keeping those kids' lives as normal as possible. You are going to have ups and downs, times when things are wonderful and times when it'll feel as though she just cheated yesterday. It's not an easy road...but it does sound like you are committed to seeing the other side. I hate to say this, but you can't reach that point unless you are both committed to that goal and right now, it doesn't seem like she is. Save yourself the heartache...stop trying right now until she makes up her mind in what she wants. It takes two to make it work, but only one to tear it all down.

I wish I had better advice, but unfortunately there is no magic that can make this better overnight. This is a long process. I wish you well honey and the strength of God to get you through this.

Answer 2

People never cease to amaze me. I can't believe they did this to you. First, get a new best friend. Dude was wrong to start a relationship with your wife. He has a wife of his own and he should have tried to go back home and work things out with her. Instead of developing a relationship with your wife. Your wife is confused. She doesn't know who or what she wants. Since you still love her. Give it one more try. Let her know how you feel. Ask her if she wants to work things out. If she is not willing to try. Let her go. I wish you well. I know it hurts now but eventually your heart will heal no matter what happens. Be strong.

Answer 3

You maybe do need to change a bit but it seems very obvious that your wife has much changing to do also. Personally Brian if it was me I would see my kids as often as I could, shake my ex best friends hand and wish him luck with this crazy woman he has hooked up with. You must realize inside that if you take her back that history is just going to keep repeating itself over and over. Nobody needs or deserves this in a marriage. Be a man, let her be and try and move on. I hope that someday you will find a woman with whom will show you respect, love and loyalty.

Answer 4

First of all - do NOT let her come back again until she figures out what she wants. Period. She can visit the kids but otherwise you have to stand tough. Try to make your home as normal, positive and fun as possible for you and your kids (although it will be hard for you at first). This back and forth thing can really damage those kids. And it isnt doing you any good either. Find some fun new things to do with your kids that you havent done before. Things you didnt do with her. You might love her but she is one messed up person right now and you must protect your kids, and yourself from this sick behaivior. Hang tough!

Answer 5

Sounds like she needs time more than anything.She isn't sure what she wants to do, she have to find herself before she can find and stay in a stable relationship. You have to give her that. However, don't keep letting her just run back when things go wrong with him-that will never help you, her, or your children.It will only cause confusion on everyone's behalf.People get hurt like this.

Answer 6

Wow, Brian! It sounds like both your wife and ex best friend have really put you through the emotional ringer. You genuinely seem like a kind, loyal, caring man and their actions and indiscretions are no better than a slap in the face. From your description, she is not worthy of a man as committed as you are. I hate that children are involved in this situation, but all you can do is see them as often as possible and reassure the little one's of your love for them. I think you should cut your losses and stop putting yourself through this misery. She has no respect for you or herself, much less your marriage, to behave this way. I don't really see you as being the one who needs to do the changing in this situation, Brian. Afterall, it wasn't you that broke your vows to your wife. I think she continues to use and abuse your feelings because she knows the depth of your love and takes advantage of it for her own gain. Let her go, Brian. Let her wallow in her own misery. Don't rescue her, soothe her, or comfort her...and please don't offer her an 'easy out' of this hellish situation she created for all of you. Wash your hands of her and just walk away. It will be hard, but not impossible...and certainly preferable to this roller coaster ride of emotional turmoil she has you strapped into now, right? Do not allow her to use you any further. You are worth far more than what she offers you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

You can't change a person. You can only change yourself. Your biggest concern is for your children, you must do everything to give them a happy, peaceful childhood. Your wife may not feel and act like you about the children because she sounds self centered. Just worry about how you influence the children. Good luck!!

Answer 8

My friend, I feel your pain, my wife had an affair and left me for another man, almost 3 years ago, I know it hurts, betrayal is one of the worst things that anyone can go through, but remember one thing, Jesus went through it too, He knows how you feel, He is there for us, I gave my life to Him, I have moved on and healed dramatically.he cares and hates a broken heart. The best thing I ever did was invite Him into my heart, the love of God is so awesome......take care, I will pray for u

Answer 9

Dude what are you doing. Think about the children first. What type of examples the two of you are giving for the kids. Think about the unstable environment the kids are living in. Your wife/ex wife is thinking only about herself. She is not thinking about the family, she is not thinking about the kids and she is not thinking about you. It is you responsibility to provide the children a good safe and stable environment. Get yourself a good lawyer and move on with the kids. I understand you want to be with her and she is the love of your life, but she is a lost soul. Give yourself another chance to be happy in life. Show the children how much you love them and give them a good home. If you really want to try to save the marriage she has to want too. Counseling, counseling counseling and guidance in a church group.

Answer 10

why are u in any way placing blame on yourself, for her choices, and wrongs, u have forgiven her, welcomed her back, forgiven her, and she is just using u whenever she needs to. personally what she has done to u, is mean and cruel, and she keeps going back to him, no matter what he does, and passes u over as if u meant nothing to her. get some self worth, i know it is hard feeling good about yourself after all of this, but u are putting up with far more than u should, which is adding to your unhappiness. u in no way were responsible for this, it isn't about u, it's about her and the other man, they both disrespected u, and sometimes we seek an answar as to why, but your never going to get any true answars, as they both have no self control. this is who they are, and i u keep allowing her back into your heart, your going to have alot more of these bad experiences. time to move forward, the marriage u knew and the one u loved just isn't there anymore, only u don't want to believe it. the sooner u face reality the better u will feel.