what would you do?

Question

Here is my problem, I have three kids that are all close in age. My middle one has down syndrome and is very attached to me. He gets really upset when he cries. I just moved here 9months ago, so I don't know anyone, most people here, don't want to. I don't go anywhere, I have no life. My husband works all the time and if anyone gets to do extras, its him. I am miserable. I hate my life most of the time. What would you do to change your life and outlook?

Answer 1

Join a coffee group with the kids. Or a support network for parents with Down Syndrome children?

You have to be able to have some space, tell your husband that it isn't on, and you need to have some freedom as well.
Could you not attend an extra murral course? Or take a night class? Surely, when the kids are in bed?

Answer 2

try having a sit down with your husband and telling him how you feel he may not know you feel this way let him know you love him and the kids dearly but you would love to have a me day, or just even a few hours of relaxing. if he can't give time to the kids for what ever reason try hiring a baby sitter once and a while even if you only go out for a few hours to a masssage or a movie or a bite to eat yourself. You need to recharge your batteries so you will be a good wife and mother and if your all frazzled no one will be getting anything out of you but bitcheness.

You can also have help with your child who has down syndrome there are workers out there in the business. my cousin use to work with special needs kids they come to the house once a week and take them out bath them park what ever you want them to do. And you could time your day outing when they are there so your child is looked after and the other two kids have a baby sitter or are with daddy. You have to be creative here sweety for your own sanity don't throw in the towel you can find a way.

good luck

Answer 3

I'd get a job, put my kids in day center even if I lost money doing it.. you are giving up years you will never get back.....Down's Syndrome or no Down's Syndrome.

You have a life, and your child has something that will never get better.... he will be the same mental age 30 years from now. You can't cure him -- he has a problem that will never get better -- you know this. It's not like a broken leg that will heal -- you know this too. There are lots of facilities that work with these children, and there are jobs that they can learn to do as adults. He can't learn anything the way things are now, and you are doing him no favor by making him so dependent upon you -- ask any doctor who specializes in this.

You asked what I'd do. This, hon, is what I would do.... I'd reclaim part of my life, and make it possible for my child to have part of his life without me in it. Because later, I wouldn't be in it anyway.....

Answer 4

I would work part time, I would try to do mothers mornings out and leave the children with them at some reputable church program in the new place. Take some classes at a local tech. school. Take a real estate course. Take horseback riding lessons in the new place, volunteer at the local humane society. Visit the library, then take the children later on, visit the local parks. Find a small group to join, check the local chamber of commerce for new comer info.
You can never get back years lost with your children, handicapped or not, being a mother is a blessing, many do not get that opportunity. Your tired, in a new place and you feel lost, its not that you dont love the children, you feel that your just giving, giving, giving, and are possibly starting to resent your husband a tiny bit. Talk to him about this! He should be your greatest support to get through this!
My daughter is 17 and perfectly healthy. I stayed home with her until she was in junior high, she nor I would take anything for those years, she tells me how proud that she is that we were financially able for me to be there for her, at school functions and when she came home. We lost her dad last year, due to the fact that someone chose to drive while taking prescription medicines. He was a good father and spent a lot of time with us, we were blessed the years we had him, and would give anything for just 1 minute of him to be back with us. I know you feel lost, but don't take what you have for granted, find joy in it.
To get through this, start keeping a journal if your not going to get out and meet people. Do it daily, it may sound stupid, but keep it somewhere you can see it daily. Write down at least 1 or more positive thing a day, that gets you through. Seeing your son smile when he sees you, being blessed that you have a family, enough food to feed them, a warm place for them to sleep.

Answer 5

Start out by checking into support groups for parents of children with disabilities. Usually school districts or County mental health collaboratives are a huge help. I believe you will find a lot of parents who can commiserate with the isolation of having a child with a mental illness. It can be very difficult to be able to go out and find someone you trust to watch him.

I'm sure both you and your husband deserve some time together as a couple, and as individuals.

I'm a mother of two children, one has Asperger's syndrome. When I moved to the city I am in, my first husband had recently died. It was through support groups for single parents and parents of children with mental illness that I found some understanding and acceptance of who I am in life.

Good luck to you. You've got a lot on your plate. Take care of yourself and give yourself some leeway when you start to think you're in over your head. Welcome help from others.

Answer 6

I'd like to give you the ol people in China are starving BUT I saw my wife go through similar frustrations over the last few years once we moved and she was away from her friends. Here is the deal, you MUST discuss this with your husband (good luck). He may be doing extra because he does not know how to deal with the middle child so that is his escape. Also depending on your ages, culture dictates what women and men roles are. Well my wife told me to get over that! She was right. We both have jobs, mine comes with money, hers comes with a life long reward of loving and giving children that contribute to society and love their parents. Good Luck! Sometimees life sucks but if you stay the course and speak our mind with clarity, even a dumb *** husband cannot argue with truths.

Answer 7

You don't try to make yourself happy with life B things-money, good job, etc. Instead find an inner happiness-that people are born with-natural thinking. Find reasons to be happy. Don't worry about those things, focus on that and all else will fall.That is good mental health and it affects our lives more than we know.