FOR ADULTS ONLY. Would you hurt a friend or be silent?

Question

A few months ago, a friend of mine lost his wife to ovarian cancer. He does not want to get involved with anyone, but being "normal & healthy" he has certain sexual needs. A couple of weeks ago, he started to patronize a brothel in New York City. He went there again tonight & when they took him in the room to meet the "ladies" there was the 23 year old daughter of a friend of ours. She started to scream & ran out. After he explained the situation to the "madam" and her security men, the gave him back his money & he left. The young girl must think he is going to tell her parents & he wants to. I am telling him not to do that. It would only ruin their family. Just forget about it & let the girl know that. He feels her parents should know in case she gets a disease or hurt by a client. I feel it would devastate our friend & his wife. Beside, the girl is not a minor. My friend is here with me right now. Would you tell her parents or not? I wouldn't.

Answer 1

Sorry about your wife!


I think telling the parents could kill their realtionship. If she is 23, she is old enough to make the decision on her own. Maybe one day she will look back and relize it was a mistake, but she is an adult let her tell them. In your situation I would let her know that I was sorry for scaring her and I think the situation was just plain weird. I would also let her know that I was not going to tell her parents, but I would ask her to really seriously sit down and hink about what she is doing? Make sure you make gravity of the situation crystal clear. ust remember she is 23 and may not care what you think.

The best of luck and again I'm sorry about your wife!

Answer 2

This is a difficult situation. First of all Is your friend willing to expose himself by saying he visits brothel? Because he has to confess that he went there himself and saw the girl being offered along with other girls. This is something he has to think about.
Prostitution is surely not a good thing because it is degrading oneself. It is loss of respect for ones body, Wonder why that 23 year old choose this profession? If your concern is genuine for the family and the girl, with no agenda to degrade the girl or the family, then its a good move. But You have to confess that you were there too for your sexual needs.
If you say her family will be ruined, give me the impression that the family has some value system and to know that their daughter is in this profession can upset them a lot. It is a dangerous profession. If you think it is the right thing to do, then you should tell her parents. If you choose not to say, how will you be feeling. Will it come back to you again and again? Will you feel guilty and ashamed? Shame is a feeling when we fall short of our own value system. Based on your value system and the concern you have for the famly of the girl you have to make a choice.

Answer 3

Your friends daughter is grown up. I'm sure she was more embarrassed than anything. I think maybe her parents may find out what she is doing eventually so until they do, you shouldn't get involved. Maybe your friend should talk to her though. Another thing, being in this kind of business, you are apt to bump into people you know. If she is old enough to work in a brothel, I would hope she is smart enough to take precautions when it comes to diseases. As far as getting hurt, this is the price you pay for this type of work, Hopefully, your friend scared her enough that she didn't go back to work.

Answer 4

If she was 19, I'd say tell her parents. But she is a full out adult who is making her own way, weather it's the way we would choose for her or not. If she's not messed up on drugs, and you think shes making this decision by her own free will, then you shouldn't mess up the family. The parents would also wonder if you know, how many people you would be sharing the information with? Then you would have to wonder, after being in a place like that and telling them, how many people are they sharing that information with. It's a lose, lose situation. Let it go.

Answer 5

No I would not tell the parents....that is the girls decision to make. She is an adult and able to work anywhere she wants to. That would not be any different than you telling any future lady he may meet and fall in love again that he used to go to brothels. Something I'm sure he would not want to disclose. It's his business. Just like this, it is her business. Not only that, he could be opening up a can of worms that he doesn't want to be involved with. Causing a huge family fight all over this. It's just not worth it. I'm sure she would be safer there than on a street corner...she is smater for doing that.

Answer 6

Well, first of all, it is really not any of his business to tell the parents. This young girl is 23 years old, and she has obviously made the decision that this is how she wants to work and make a living. Keep in mind that if he is worried about her getting an STD then he himself shouldn't be frequenting this brothel. That aside, if this girl is keeping her profession a secret from her family, she obvioulsy has good reason. And you are right about the possibility of his telling her parents ruining thier entire family dynamic.

My advice is to just stay out of it.

Answer 7

If she were younger I would run and tell her parents and the police. However she is an adult and maybe the embarrassment was enough to shock her system. However if she is still living in their home I would definitely let them know that there daughter is engaging in activity that is dangerous to herself and those that she shares a household with and then tell them to ask her what it is?
If she is still at home then she must be using the money for drugs and they need to protect themselves from a drug addicted prostitute, forget her feelings, do you care about your friend. It won't tear the family apart if there is love there, it will bring them closer together. Perhaps there is something that needs to be adressed anyway if she is doing this.

Let me add: If there girl turns up dead - what decision do you wish you would have made?

Answer 8

That's a tough one! I think there are arguments for telling, and arguments for not. But, as a parent here is one argument I can think of for telling: What if she is doing this because she is in a serious financial bind, or has a drug problem, and is ashamed to seek help from her parents. Then, she is murdered because prostitution put her in a dangerous situation. Maybe if the parents knew, they would have been able to help her out of the situation before it ended so badly...but your friend would have to live with the fact that he never told.
I can think of arguments against telling as well, but the above is what really sticks with me.

Answer 9

You are in a tough situation, but keep in mind sometimes messengers of the truth do loose & can loose big. So silence is best & since she is 23 let her know you are not going to tell on her no stings attached. Plausible deniability sometimes is the better part of valor. If that is the occupation she has chose then let her do it & good luck. Sticking your nose in can cause family problems that are not necessary. Along with making you the focus of their anger for being the local morality code.
So in short. Keep silent is best.

Answer 10

nope. not at all. too many variables to list, but ultimately, if it's not his daughter, then he has to leave that young woman's decisions to her and her alone. she's an adult. i would suggest he go back there and tell her he won't be informing her parents and that she doesn't need to worry about it. also, he should consider what your mutual friend would think of him afterward, knowing that he has seen this young woman in that setting, obviously dressed for the part, so that would put a constant strain on that friendship. he could casually ask about the daughter occasionally, just to be sure that she's still "okay" in her parents' eyes, still in touch, still living and breathing and healthy. if any trouble came up in the future, then he should tell the parents, like if she went missing or ended up hurt or otherwise. sticky situation to be in, but adults must be respected, no matter how young or old, as they're still adults. good luck!